That is fine that you don't know what the triggers are, I just thought that you may have and also, it is as you say, comes out of no where and can come at anytime, I think that this is the worst of it that it does come unannounced and it can be so very unexpected and come and hit you over the back of the head when you were seeming to be quite ok, just so very unfair and I wish we had an answer that could make it all go away.
I am really please to hear you are not in danger of hurting yourself or having thoughts of doing so, I am sorry if that seemed up front to say to you in my last post, I just need to make sure you are safe and that you are ok as we do care, you are needed here and this pain and darkness will not be like this forever, there is light and you are doing so very much to help yourself, I have not heard about sooma treatment but I am very interested to read what that is about so will look it up.
Have you had a bad experience at hospital that you did feel like they "locked you up?". Once again I think nursing staff are mostly amazing, however they do have bad days too and sometimes, just like call support and online support, they can just be the wrong people to deal with your particular needs, not that they don't care or don't want to help, the connection is just not there. I am so happy to hear that you realize this though and will continue to use the phone support, even though it is tough to have to repeat stories and go over and over and over how you are thinking and feeling and what your circumstances are...that is exhausting. I think that is what is so wonderful about suicide call back service in that they do keep a log and you can speak to the same person so that eliminates the need to have to go over the whole situation again. I am happy to read though that you will go to see your GP, I am sure by the time that you read this you will have been so I hope that it was helpful for you.
With regards to work, is there some light duties or some other tasks that you can do while you figure out this medication part, so that you can get the meds you need and still be able to go to work? I hear that your current role is quite dangerous if there is one bad move so maybe a chat to your manager to see if while you get this sorted you can feel like work is safe for you and for others too, is this an option?
It is great to chat to you some more shucks46 and I hope you can feel the support we have for you here.