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Topic: Depressed.

14 posts, 0 answered
  1. nib
    nib avatar
    30 posts
    5 September 2021

    I am not sure what to do at this point?

    My mother drinks and gambles excessively, and I am beyond surprised that she hasn't touched the thousands of dollars that is on her credit card yet. I always pay the bills for her using her money that she works for, so that we can live under a roof with gas and electricity, for example, and I make sure that this is done on time. I have tried speaking with my mother about the effects that her drinking and gambling have on myself in particular, but she either totally dismisses it, or she causes an argument over it. Now, I am not perfect, I drink alcohol (I haven't been for nearly a year as I am on a community treatment order and also because the medications I take can cause me to experience a sore stomach when I drink certain alcoholic beverages), and I most certainly enjoy playing the pokies myself. But, I never put in a fifty-dollar note after a fifty-dollar note after and fifty-dollar note in order to try and win the Major Jackpot, which mum has won a few times now. Our arguments over her addictions often become very heated, and it sometimes get to the point where we both assault each other. My father remains neutral whenever my mother and I argue, although he does agree that my mother has an addictions to drinking and gambling. I have tried to remove myself from the situation whenever we argue by simply going into my bedroom or by driving home from our local pub. But this never works, as my mother either follows me into my bedroom whilst screaming at me, or she would ring me and send me text messages repeatedly, demanding for me to answer her. I just can't win. I have also phoned a gambling hotline and the lady who spoke with me was very helpful. She suggested that I find somewhere else to live, but my family are very selfish and will not allow me to live with them, and neither will my best friend and her family. Literally nobody cares about me. They just want to see me miserable.

    I love my mother very much, but she refuses to seek psychological assistance in order to aide her with her addiction to drinking and gambling, and with mending our mother-daughter relationship. I no longer have a relationship with my aunt and grandmother, and I really want one with my mother.

  2. Goldwing03
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Goldwing03 avatar
    27 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to nib

    Hi Nib

    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Your feelings are extremely valid. I think it would be good for you to call a GP or a psychologist who can guide you. Looking into family therapy is also an option, one of my friends has found that it really helped her repair her relationship with her mother.

    It is a complete lie that nobody cares about you. There are many people in the world, (including me!) who care for your wellbeing.

    Stay safe, and take care <3

  3. nib
    nib avatar
    30 posts
    6 September 2021 in reply to Goldwing03

    Goldwing03 said:

    Hi Nib

    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Your feelings are extremely valid. I think it would be good for you to call a GP or a psychologist who can guide you. Looking into family therapy is also an option, one of my friends has found that it really helped her repair her relationship with her mother.

    It is a complete lie that nobody cares about you. There are many people in the world, (including me!) who care for your wellbeing.

    Stay safe, and take care <3

    Hi Goldwing03,

    I should have mentioned in my post that I do seek psychological assistance from a private psychotherapist, who has been excellent for me. I will speak with her about my relationship with my mother and also about her addictions as well.

    Thank You for your comment.

  4. Sophia16
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Sophia16 avatar
    129 posts
    6 September 2021 in reply to nib

    Hey Nib,

    Thank you for reaching out and I am really sorry about what you are currently going through.

    it seems like your mother is going through a lot, just try and be there for her as much as you can. I know it must be hard and exhausting. Sit her down one day and express exactly how you feel. Just rant.

    That's really great you get psychological assistance. Yes, telling her about your relationship with your mother will help.

    Also, I am sure that they care about you. They must be going through their own hardship. I am always here if you need to chat. Otherwise, there is a beyond blue hotline 1300 22 4636.

    Please stay safe and motivated.

  5. Goldwing03
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Goldwing03 avatar
    27 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to nib
    Good on you for getting help! Wishing all the best for you :)
    1 person found this helpful
  6. nib
    nib avatar
    30 posts
    7 September 2021 in reply to Sophia16

    Hi Sophia16,

    I absolutely love your display picture - I am a big cat person myself :P.

    I will try and sit down with her and chat with her about her addictions.

    Thank You for your comment.

  7. nib
    nib avatar
    30 posts
    8 September 2021 in reply to Goldwing03

    Hi Goldwing03,

    I also forgot to mention that I plan to go back to headspace too.

  8. Goldwing03
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Goldwing03 avatar
    27 posts
    8 September 2021 in reply to nib

    Hi Nib!

    I think that's an excellent idea. Speaking from personal headspace, is really helpful and will definitely improve your situation. If there's anything else you want to talk about, I'm here :)

  9. Sophia16
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Sophia16 avatar
    129 posts
    9 September 2021 in reply to nib

    Hey Nib,

    My profile pic is my little kitty Pip. He loves food haha and constantly eats.

    I'm glad that you are doing that.

    How are you feeling?

  10. nib
    nib avatar
    30 posts
    9 September 2021 in reply to Sophia16

    Hi Sophia16,

    He is a cute little Tabby. What breed is he?

    I have two cats, one is Domestic Medium Hair (she's all black) and another cat who is Domestic Short Hair (he's white and grey.) The white and grey cat is very naughty, but so loving at the same time. The black cat is less friendly, but we all love her and our male cat equally <3.

    I am doing well today. I had netball this morning, but we got our butts kicked :(. How are you?

  11. nib
    nib avatar
    30 posts
    12 September 2021 in reply to Goldwing03

    Hi Goldwing03,

    My mother, father and I all went out to a pub today, like we usually do every Saturday and Sunday, with me being under the impression that we were all going to have lunch. Instead, we all played on the poker machines. Very depressing, I know. I played on them for a little while after my father gave me a bit of money. He ended up winning the Major Jackpot (which was around $1100.) I was really happy for him, and he even gave me an additional $50, although I refused to put this into a poker machine. He told me quietly to bring my mother over so that she could see what he had won, and to not tell her until she saw his winnings with her own eyes. He also won another $200 (from two Mini Bonuses), but he did not want me to share this with my mother, which I found to be understandable due to the following information I am about to share. My mother was also happy for my father, but she then started to demand money from him. This is common behaviour from my mother, particularly when she is playing on the poker machines.

    After about an hour, I was hungry and wanted to eat some food for lunch. Dad too was getting hungry. But no, my mother wasn't hungry, of course, she just sat there, on her poker machine, and was entering fifty-dollar-note after fifty-dollar-note, hoping she'd win a few hundred. She does this constantly, I've noticed. It is a vicious cycle. She finds a machine, wins some free spins, and then becomes hooked. Her mission is to always get the Major Jackpot. And realistically, that isn't always going to happen.

  12. Goldwing03
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Goldwing03 avatar
    27 posts
    12 September 2021 in reply to nib

    Hi Nib

    It makes total sense that this situation was distressing. I think maybe it's a good idea to talk to your father about this? And get a wiser, more adult perspective to help you figure out how to confront your mother's addictions.

    Sorry to hear about what happened :(

  13. nib
    nib avatar
    30 posts
    25 September 2021 in reply to Goldwing03

    Hi Goldwing03,

    Unfortunately, my father is no better. He too has his own addictions (again, drinking and gambling). Today, for instance, he was losing money on the machines, and when he lost all of his money he went over to my mum and expected her to get off of her machine, as in to say "I have lost all of my money and I want to go home now." Instead, he dropped my mother off at our house and she was knocking on the door very loudly, like the way in which a police officer knocks on the door. Usually, whenever my mother knocks on the door like this, it means that she is very angry. She has always had trouble managing her emotions, which is probably why I am the same. I was in the bath washing my hair at the time, and of course I was expected to answer the door, obviously with a towel covering my body. I found that it was incredibly rude of my mother making me do this, especially because she knew via text message the I was going to wash my hair and do my skincare routine. Anyway, an argument must have ensued between my mother and father because my mother was pissed off, as my father was apparently the same earlier today. He stated that "we (my mother and I) were due to argue as today is a Saturday", and we always seem to argue on a Saturday. My parent's addictions have been around for about four years now, and the reason as to why they drink and gamble is because they seem to think that I am "old enough to do whatever I like," and that "I should have a boyfriend/get a job/ move out of home/ hanging out with my (non-existent) friends etc."

  14. nib
    nib avatar
    30 posts
    25 September 2021 in reply to nib

    Hi Goldwing03,

    In spite of his addictions, he is more level-headed than my mother. I do love my mother and I don't want to sound like I am bagging her, but she really needs support, which she refuses to seek.

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