My late wife and another very close member of my family were/are nurses and I know how some have related to agency nursing, they found it hard not to be giving long-term care in some ways but also found they were in demand and earned very reasonable wages.
After a while being faced with a new hospital/ward/home ceased to be daunting as experience took over. What do your freinds think?
I'd imagine the Royal Commission into Aged Care Quality and Safety will actually increase the demand for qualified permanent nursing staff in institutions too.
I'm please you have both a GP and a psychologist to help, I found that without such support I simply spiraled down, also that your GP has what might be regarded as a more realistic approach - and no I am in no way endorsing alcohol as a problem solver, or as a mix with prescription meds - I'm more than sure you know of this already.
Can I suggest if your BP is on the rise it might be prudent to seek
an earlier appointment? It took me a long time to find the regimen that
worked without side effects, for me it has been possible with patience and time, and
I'm streets ahead of how I was. I lead a life with so much less anxiety or depression, something I'd not have believed possible if told earlier on.
I think your approach is a wise one, and as for courage, I think you need that in your vocation anyway and the way you talk about your upcoming life changes leads me to think you have it in spades.
If it took you a litle while to come here don't feel you are alone in that . It took me a great deal of soul searching to start posting here rather than just reading. Having done so the sense of community and understanding has been wonderful. No long explanations, one can almost talk shorthand, and this is a place where everyone here is voluntary. It has an atmosphere of a genuine desire to help
So no, you are not alone at all.
Books? Many libraries have on-line lending. You select the book then download it to read or listen on your computer tablet or phone. Once you master logging on and selecting it becomes trivial to obtain fresh reading. My library took the time to explain in a phone call how to do this
I do not do cross stitch but do a lot of cataloging, and find this a pleasant undemanding chore that allows me to listen to radio comedy at the same time. Surprisingly refreshing
The motivation may end up being simple enjoyment. The division away from work - or job seeking - I beleive is important