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Topic: depressed loss of love for gf

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. James54
    James54 avatar
    12 posts
    15 July 2020
    Hi guys, my name is james and i am a 17 year old yr 12 student. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 months now but we’ve known each other for much longer before we started dating. Just before the first month of dating when bye, I was in love and loved every minute of time i could spend with her. Then i started getting these feelings and thoughts of saying i don’t love her and i was feeling numb around her. I have struggled and been diagnosed with mild OCD for about 4 years now so i realised it was something to do with that so it eventually past but would come back every so often but i knew it was my mind playing tricks on me. Now i am feeling really depressed and feel like i have no feelings towards her, i don’t get the same feeling when i see her, i keep looking at other girls and i feel so guilty and bad for that because i know i love her but i just don’t feel it i don’t even know. i care so much about her and all i want is to feel the way i used to because she deserves the best, i don’t feel like doing my normal hobbies or getting out of the house either. i just wanted to reach out because i don’t want to lose my gf
  2. Blake_S
    Mentor
    • Masters of Psychology student on placement
    Blake_S avatar
    37 posts
    15 July 2020 in reply to James54
    Hey there James,

    Thank you for posting on the Beyond Blue forums, and telling us about what has been going on for you. It is not an easy task to reach out for help, and I commend you on having the courage and strength to post! This is a safe place for you to voice your thoughts and feelings. We are so glad to have you here.

    I'm sorry to hear that you have been experiencing a distressing and perhaps even a confusing time with your feelings towards your girlfriend, which has been making you feel low in mood and not wanting to do things that you usually do. It sounds like you're in a tricky position, part of you knows you love her, but a part of you is telling you that you don’t, and because of this you are feeling guilty and scared because you don't want to lose her. I can also see that you feel part of this may be due to your mild OCD. Am I on the right track at all in understanding your situation?

    I was wondering if you could tell me when these feelings first started? It's hard when our feelings change, especially when we don't want them to. I can see you deeply care about your girlfriend, and it's so great to hear that you want the best for her - it's an amazing trait to have, to genuinely want someone to have the best and be happy. I also just wanted to add that, remember you are only human, and sometimes our feelings don't always make sense - this is okay, and given that you're young it's a very normal thing to happen! I remember feeling a similar way when I was in my late teens too.

    While you have confusing thoughts and feelings about your relationship, it is really important that you look after yourself too, as I can see that you're already feeling low in mood. What are some hobbies that you like to engage in? I know you don't feel like doing them, but often when we do something we enjoy, we can feel a little bit better.

    We are all here for you James, please let us know how you're going.
    Blake_S :)
  3. James54
    James54 avatar
    12 posts
    15 July 2020 in reply to Blake_S
    Hi Blake, thankyou for the quick reply, this feeling started about a week ago and i just feel not right and down and i just want to love her the same way she does and i used to. I care about her so much and i feel so guilty because i feel like i don’t love her or don’t even know her and that just kills me to feel that
  4. Blake_S
    Mentor
    • Masters of Psychology student on placement
    Blake_S avatar
    37 posts
    16 July 2020 in reply to James54
    Hey James,

    You're very welcome for the quick reply, the forums are somewhere you will always be able to find some support. Thank you for coming back and replying too - I appreciate you keeping me in the loop!

    I see, so these feelings are relatively new if they started about a week ago. I can imagine the sudden change in feelings may have been a bit of a surprise, and distressing for you. I can see you're not feeling right at the moment, and down, I was wondering if anything happened between you and your girlfriend to trigger these feelings?

    I can also, see that you feel as if you don't even know her, could you unwrap this and tell me a little bit about what this means? I ask because I can imagine that it's difficult to be in a relationship with someone who you feel like you don't even know, and to love them would be even harder.

    What I can see so far is that despite your feelings of guilt, low-mood and confusion, you still care for your girlfriend and you are trying your best to treat her the way she deserves to be treated. Part of this process sounds like it involves determining your feelings, in an effort to keep yourself and her happy.

    We are all here to support you, please post again when you can.
    Blake_S :)
  5. James54
    James54 avatar
    12 posts
    16 July 2020 in reply to Blake_S
    Hi James, me and my gf have had an amazing two months and nothing has ever happened like a fight or an argument that could cause this sudden feeling change. I have strugggled a lot with my anxiety over these past few weeks so i don’t know if it’s an effect of that or i’m not sure. When i said i feel like i don’t even know her, i know that’s not true it’s just that my body and mind make me feel like that with intrusive thoughts and feelings. I just worry i’ll never feel the same again and lose her but i never want that because she means so much to me and i never want to hurt her
  6. Blake_S
    Mentor
    • Masters of Psychology student on placement
    Blake_S avatar
    37 posts
    22 July 2020 in reply to James54
    Hi James,

    I apologise for the delayed reply - I'm online Wednesdays and Thursdays. I was wondering if you could tell me how you've been feeling over the past week, has much changed in relation to your feelings towards your girlfriend?

    It makes me happy to hear that you had an amazing two months with your girlfriend, but am sorry that we can't identify a point of origin for your change in feelings. How has your anxiety been over the past few weeks, if you had to rate it on a scale of 0-10 (0 = 0 no anxiety, and 10 = 10 max anxiety) how would your anxiety score?

    I can understand how you would be worried about your feelings changing, it must be scary watching your feelings and thoughts change when you don't want them to. We are all here for you James. Keep us updated on how things are going with your girlfriend and your feelings.

    Thanks,
    Blake_S :)

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