Topic: Depression

Hi mimiblue

Wish I was there with you, making a positive difference, being able to relate to many of those things that definitely have the potential to bring us down and keep us there.

While the advantages of coming out of our depression include finally feeling a difference, from my experience one of the greatest advantages is being able to look back and see clearly how it all played out, that journey into depression. It can be hard to see this when we're in our depression. When hitting the depths of depression, we can be so far removed from our natural self at this point, we can be left with that all too common statement 'I don't know who I am anymore'. In those videos, I'm wondering how much of your natural self you see and miss. I'm not talking about the physical side of things, more the emotional energetic side. At that point where you felt your self again, did you feel energetic?

The journey back to our natural self can be a long one and it can also be a wonderful one. When I say 'wonderful', what I mean is it can be packed with wonder. Wondering how or why things went wrong on its own can be depressing yet wondering to the point where things begin to make sense within the revelations we crave is what leads us to raise our self. Wondering who brings us down and why (triggers), wondering about why we're not feeling the vibe of our natural self and wondering about how we tick on the level of a highly interactive triad known as 'mind/body/spirit' is all stuff worth wondering about in my opinion. I've taught myself to wonder a lot. Wonder is one of our natural abilities we began life with. Maintaining it is extremely important. Wondering at someone, 'I wonder why you're being such an insensitive so and so' is liberating :)

I believe unless we've got some obvious 'raisers' in our life we will feel no difference while we're in a depression - someone to raise our spirits, our consciousness, our energy, our motivation levels etc. If the people around us are either bringing us down or leaving us vibing at the same depressing level, the difference we seek cannot be found through them.

Food, I get it. For me, food is an emotional experience. Heck, just thinking about chocolate leads me to physical excitement. Looking at me, you'd easily be able to tell how much this gal loves food. Exercise not so much. It shows :) Caring for our natural self is definitely a challenge at times.

Strange question perhaps but 'Do you know how to identify your natural self?'

:)

Thanks so much for sharing your situation mimiblue. It's so, so hard feeling that way and you should be proud of reaching out. Don't be afraid to use lots of different platforms and services, phone support numbers etc. That's what I do.

I have similar thoughts to you. I remember having great times with my freinds through primary and early high school, then things getting weird in late high school when lots of people started drinking heaps and all sorts of other things started happening. I think it's a very painful time for a lot of people slowly emerging into adulthood. New stresses and realities strain or change the simplicity of childhood freindships. Money and status and all these crazy things start to become apparent. You can find simple pure freindships and relationships again though. I joined board game groups when I was living interstate, and found that a really nice wholesome way to hang out with people of all different demographics. There'd be students, people early in there careers and retirees. Schools and universities can be stressful and competitive places at times. You can sort of slowly internalise all the anxiety and competition without realising it.

I'm really sorry converting those videos provided a painful trigger for you. I wonder if this sort of pain comes in cycles throughout our adult lives. The concept of a "mid life crisis" is talked about a lot. I think of that as someone who works really, really hard to pay bills and survive, then suddenly realises they don't feel like they're really living, so they buy a motorbike or electric guitar or something. Trying to connect with a sense of living from childhood perhaps. Perhaps you feel something like that now after years and years of enduring high school, only to then face even more gruelling pressure at uni. I think we put way too much intellectual pressure on young people these days, or rather, we've created a cultural environment where they put that pressure on themselves. I've been going through something a bit like that now after finishing my masters then starting my PhD. All I want to do at the moment is play guitar, paint Warhammer, ride my skateboard and see friends. It's almost like a form of grief for all the life you've missed by working so hard. Maybe we need to extend the concept of the mid-life crisis to all stages of life beyond childhood? I know it's really painful right now but you will definitely pull through it, it's sometimes just slow :)

I'm also really, really sorry you feel hopeless and that life feels pointless and meaningless. It's a really hard state to be in and a hard problem to solve. I'm worried you've lost your appetite and would encourage you to talk to your GP about this, and about setting up a mental health care plan so you can access some free psych sessions (with a psych you trust). It's so hard because things can spiral downhill so, so quickly, but it may take a while to put them together again. Even if you have no appetite I think try to eat even just a little each day. Your brain needs fuel to work through these problems both emotionally and intellectually. Same with exercise. I'm also very, very fatigued right now. Usually I run every day but the last few months I can often only manage a walk. Even a little walk around the block is really, really valuable if gym and more hardcore exercise is too intimidating. For me when I'm really, really depressed, even getting both legs out of the bed and standing up can be a small victory. Even a walk around the house is a small win. You keep going slowly, slowly and gradually you put things back together. Sometimes it takes months and months so go at your own pace and don't force it or rush it. I went through that cycle once when I was your age, once again near the end of undergrad, and again in my masters. I'm going through it again now. It's hard and painful every time, but I learn a bit more each time. Even though I've had severe depression on and off I've still managed to do really well at uni and win prizes and stuff so it doesn't have to dominate your life and even if you feel hopeless doesn't mean things really are hopeless. Keep on going, keep on going. Just find those tiny little wins. Doesn't matter how tiny they are. When you're really, really depressed just getting both feet out of the bed is a hardcore achievement. The big achievements are slowly slowly built off these tiny little achievements. Even calling the GP or calling BeyondBlue or whoever you trust can help slowly put the pieces back together. It's so hard and can feel embarassing and painful, but very slowly you find a new equilibrium. :)

Hi mimiblue

I imagine you to be someone of great natural intelligence. While some may have a brain that resembles a human calculator, in the way it's able to calculate academic based questions and answers so efficiently, others hold a highly sensitive kind of intelligence that relates more to 'the nature' of things or people. While the first person may gravitate toward a career in dealing with things, the 2nd will naturally gravitate toward a career that deals with people or nature. It would be crazy to compare the two, they're entirely different.

Natural intelligence is a fascinating topic that's not given the interest it truly deserves, in my opinion. For example, the natural way the mind and body communicate with each other is fascinating. Coming to understand that communication is worth the effort. Being a sensitive person, I imagine you can easily sense or feel when someone is 'bring you down' or degrading you. This kind of feeling impacts the body. It can be an uncomfortable and highly questionable feeling. Yet, we may rarely question the body's intelligence. Instead, we may simply think 'I'm being too sensitive'. Imagine if you paid attention to this feeling and read it as 'That person is leading me to feel dis-ease. I will demand that they stop. I will question as to why they feel the need to degrade others'. So, you question. You challenge that person to give you an answer. You challenge them to move to a level of higher consciousness. You become a challenging person, in a constructive way.

A sensitive person with natural intelligence will

• sense/feel the need for resolution within an emotionally challenging environment
• sense/feel the need to evolve beyond a challenge, either on their own or with the help of another
• sense/feel the need for difference, when sameness is soul destroying
• sense/feel the need for excitement, when there is a lack of it. Hard to 'vibe high' with a lack of excitement
• sense/feel the need for relaxation when stress is overwhelming the mind and body

The list goes on. Such a person will sense these things. You could call them 'feelings'. When asked to describe this sense, it's tough. Some may simply call it a 6th sense. An insensitive person may not feel the need for resolution when resolution is desperately needed but a sensitive person will definitely feel the need (natural intelligence).

It makes sense to me that because you're sensitive and feel so much, you're naturally intelligent. This is who you naturally are.

:)

Hi mimiblue

As I say to my 15yo son and 18yo daughter, the Australian education system is somewhat soul destroying, uninspiring, potentially depressing and incredibly stressful at times. I know some people may poo poo me for saying that but I simply want my kids to know that it's not them that is filled with faults. I say to them 'Question everything you find questionable'. What can come with such questioning is a growing level of intolerance toward what you suddenly realise you've been tolerating for quite some time. So, yeah, kids tolerate school. Unless they've got inspiring activities and teachers (who naturally recognise faults in the system), this is the perfect environment to suppress our real nature, which can be quite depressing for some. A sad question to pose, 'How many kids make it out of this system alive?', literally. Makes you realise how flawed the system is and how seriously it impacts mental health. I should add, we are fortunate in this country to have an education system. I don't want to sound completely ungrateful. It could simply do with a serious upgrade.

When it comes to re-turning to our natural self, I've found feeling the difference that's needed is important. Feeling is like having a compass. I observe as many physical emotions as I can, in order to come to know myself better and find direction. It can involve simple things like

• If stretching feels good, first thing in the morning, I'll do more of it. I won't just stop and one simple stretch. We carry more tension in our body than what we realise. Some folk do more disciplined forms of stretching like yoga
• Filtered water vibes me up. A couple of glasses gets my feet buzzing. I know, sounds a bit weird. Our cells thrive on good hydration, it raises their vibration

More complex differences

• If what used to excite me just doesn't do it for me anymore, I move on to something more exciting. I'll keep searching 'til I hit the mark. You know when you hit it because you'll feel excitement. Whether it's basic activity or hyperactivity, we're feeling our body being excited
• Extensively experimenting with what naturally relaxes us is productive. Sound therapy (ASMR), smell therapy (aromatherapy, including getting out into nature), touch therapy (massage) etc, are natural therapies experienced through the senses

Returning to our natural self can take a fair amount of investigation. Being a detective or detecting what raises our spirits and energy/activity is well worth the investigation.

:)

Hi everyone. It's a shame that policy makers, in trying to right the wrongs of the past in allowing better access to university for people from all walks of life, did not take account of the unintended consequences of "forcing" the vast majority of school students down this path.

I'm an older person who comes from times when degrees were scarce. I had no parental support, even though I got the marks to get into uni. My parents did not agree with higher education and wanted me to go into something that was within their comfort zone, like secretarial work, which was highly regarded at the time for someone from a working class background. When I left school, after year 12, I went straight to work after about 2 weeks off. No schoollies week. No holidays. No gap year. I was expected to work and pay my way. There was no other option. This entailed being employed in soul destroying jobs that were, to me, menial and gave me no personal satisfaction, except that they allowed me to save up so that I could go to uni part time under my own steam, while I continued in the same menial and soul destroying jobs while I studied my way out of my. In the end, the strategy worked and I now have 3 degrees, which I have never regretted obtaining. In saying this, I have never experienced the advantage of being a full-time student, with access to all of the trappings of campus life. I have always had to work and so all of my qualifications have been obtained part-time while working. It took me 6 years to finish my first degree. I would also like to add that in doing the menial work, sexual harassment went with the territory for most women. There was no-one to complain to and no recourse. If you didn't like it, you had to leave.

In saying all of this, I completely agree that university is not for everyone and that there is too much focus on university education these days. I also think that the jobs that I considered to be menial in the old days would probably be filled by university educated people these days, which is ridiculous and unnecessary. I agree that people should focus on their strengths, which may or may not be academic in nature and that no-one should be forced into study or a job that goes against their nature.

I hope you find your equilibrium.