Isolation was so much better than this.
I moved in with my family at the beginning of this week when I got out of mandatory isolation and so far I've had to see my racist bigotted transphobic brother twice, my dad has called me a failure, ugly and stupid pretty much every day and keeps pressuring me like "what are your plans what are you doing" like, I got here 6 days ago, my stuff hasn't even arrived at the house yet, can you chill? I have just been in a house with abusive housmates for 2 years, and then spent half a year locked inside with them because of covid where the bullying escalated. I'm not ready, I have told him this, he laughed at me. I wore a mask to the shops and told me I looked like a *swear word* and laughed at me and basically bullied me for it. I'm just trying to feel comfortable and now I can't wear a mask anywhere because it makes me want to cry because of the things he said to me so now I have to be uncomfortable and unsafe. It's stupid.
He is pressuring me to look for work when again, I literally just got here. Hell, I don't even have a windows computer to send my resume yet because again, my stuff isn't here yet.
I am paying substantial rent, like not that much less than I was paying before, yet somehow my family can dictate what I have to do. I can't text while the TV is on, I can't stay in my room, I can't go out for lunch, I can't do anything. I feel trapped and I literally hate it here.
I ran away from my family for a reason and the fact that lack of money is what brought me back is so crushing and my depression is perhaps worse than it has ever been. I'm lost and confused, and my family doesn't understand mental illness so they just think I am a lazy teenager and keep pushing and pushing and pushing and I'm already almost at my breaking point after literally 6 days.
I'm sick of being bullied, talked down on and pushed around literally everywhere I go. I just want to run away and move cities/countries but I don't have money. Money is the bane of my freaking existance. My brother and my dad are the same, they say biggotted borderline masoganistic shit to me as a "joke" but it's not funny and it's really hurtful and already makes me feel worse about myself than I already do, which I didn't think was possible.
I can't be here.....