Welcome to the Healthy Families forums!

This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own!

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community and have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

  • share on Facebook
  • share on Twitter
  • Print page

Topic: Falling in love with your best friend never works, does it?

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Nawa21
    Nawa21 avatar
    3 posts
    13 June 2020

    I’m tired, I really am.

    Its been years since I fell in love with my best friend. I’ve told her this in the past and got rejected.

    We didn’t talk for a while.

    We are now best friends again. We’re close. Very close.

    I love her more than I did before yet she doesn’t. Sending me spirally down the path of depression again.

    Nothing ever works for me. Not relationships, not my work and not life in general. Above all, it’s her that that kills me.

    Wish I could just end it all.

    Wish I was more attractive and taller that would help her see me more than a friend.

    The jealousy of seeing her with other people kills me. I know she talks to other people but she never talks about it with me. I think she knows it would hurt me.

    Im tired of crying, not sleeping and probably will turn into an alcoholic with the copious amounts of drinks I have each night to numb the pain and to forget.

    I wish someone would tell her how we could be great together because she clearly doesn’t see it.

    I apologise for the rant. Just needed to let it out, for once.

  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    3423 posts
    13 June 2020 in reply to Nawa21

    Hi Nawa21,

    It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you have reached out here tonight. We're really sorry to hear that you've been feeling so low and have been drinking to numb the pain. But please know that you've come to a safe space, and our community is here to offer you as much support and advice to help you through this difficult time.

    Can we ask, do you currently have any mental health support? We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially if you find it hard to open up to your family or friends about these feelings. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend getting in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors will be able to give you support, as well as advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something you may find helpful to you.

    In addition to this, please know that there are always counsellors available to talk to at Lifeline and Suicide Call Back Service during your most difficult moments: 

    • Lifeline - 13 11 14 (online chat available 7pm-12am) 
    • Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467 (online chat available 24/7)
    We hope that you find some comfort here in the words of wisdom and kindness that our community can offer, and please feel free to keep updating us here on how you're feeling.

  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    9101 posts
    13 June 2020 in reply to Sophie_M

    Dear Nawa21~

    Welcome back, it has been a while. I did read your other posts and can understand your feelings. I'm glad Sophie_M met you and has offered three valuable resources that exist just so you have the comfort of a human voice when you need it.

    You have a best freind, who happens not to love you but obviosly cares about your feelings, and you have a shorter stature than many.

    If one is lucky enough to have a genuine freind, not always that common, then you are ahead. It may be, as they are of a caring nature and do want the best for you, that you fall in love with them. after all they have already accepted you for what you are.

    We do not get a choice who we fall in love with, we do get a choice what we do about it.

    It hurts -a lot - not to be loved in return, however true love and friendship sometimes involves sacrifice for the object of one's affections. If you are not the right one for them than hoping they do meet someone and know the feelings of real love are things you might wish for them

    I'll now give you the logic you will in all probability discard as do-gooder waffle, however coming from someone else it may make you think afresh. There are an awful lot of people in this world who genuinely believe they are unattractive to the opposite sex, from those with criminal histories through to those who have a disability

    I was lucky enough to marry in middle age, even thogh I had PTSD, bouts of depression and anxiety, no job, no money and no prospects. Still happily in love 20+ years later

    An awful lot do end up married and live contented full lives with their partners. Men are sight-oriented, and seem to have a built in attraction for 'good looking' women

    (Yes I know I'll probably get into trouble for making generalizations). Women are not as sight-oriented to anything like the same extent and tend to look for characteristics that might not be visible on the surface. Reliability, concern, understanding, care, kindness, being a strenght in bad times .... you know the list

    May I ask you to reflect if your dislike of your height has made you reluctant to make advances to others, and has colored your conversation tinged by your own perceived shortcomings rather than really looking at the other person , seeing their needs, and being on that level?

    Why not ask your friend to help you meet others? Her insights may be very helpful

    It was not just a rant, saying what your problems are meets a basic human need, I'm glad you are here


    2 people found this helpful
  4. Azza12
    Azza12 avatar
    19 posts
    5 July 2020 in reply to Nawa21
    At least you have a best friend

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.

Sign me up