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Topic: Feeling low / can’t shift this brain fog

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Smiley1982
    Smiley1982 avatar
    3 posts
    23 August 2020

    Hi,

    I live in a small rural country Qld town. I’m 38 and have worked at the same job for 25 years. I don’t enjoy the job anymore. It’s not me. I don’t enjoy my fellow work colleagues company anymore, I just feel like I don’t fit in. Manager under the boss in my office, who I work with the managers wife. She had only been there 5 years, thinks she knows everything and gets the royal treatment because of her husband being the boss. She is also very negative and only talks negative to me. She will even ignore me in the office, like I don’t exist, plus repeats everything ever I’ve says. My other work colleague has been there 20+ years and knows everything and is the centre of attention. She gets all the praise for all the effort I do behind the scenes. Plus she also tells the boss that I make mistakes all the time and am hopeless at the job.

    so currently the whole office gets along, except me, as I’m over the drama and being accused of doing things wrong all the time. Which I have defended in the past, but after 15 years, I would have thought I wouldn’t have had to defend the job I do, so I don’t anymore.

    we are currently going through a whole new workplace computer system, so all learning something new, with very little training. I’m the youngest in the office and would have thought I should be picking up, however I am not. I’m slowly losing control and hating my office job more and more every day,

    The boss pulled me aside on Friday and wasn’t nasty and I actually can’t remember what exactly was said, but something along the lines of - I need to be more supportive in the office of my work colleagues, as they have worked very hard and worked some very long hours to ensure the company is still running. They were asked to work longer hours - 15 hour days for the week, plus a Saturday shift as well, all overtime, they also enjoy starting work at 5am, whereas I usually start at 8 and finish at 4. I’m on salary also, where as they are on wage & overtime.

    I get the impression I’m getting pushed out the door. Which this is ok, as I don’t want to be there, however I would like another job to go to. During these trying times, I’m not sure it’s easy.

    Thank you for your time. It’s just nice to get it off my chest.

  2. M99
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    M99 avatar
    48 posts
    23 August 2020 in reply to Smiley1982

    Hi Smiley1982,

    Thanks for telling us your current situation and welcome to the beyond blue community. I can't imagine the pent up and accumulated frustration and anger you must feel. It sounds like your workplace environment is very unappreciative and unsupportive of the work you have done. After all those years of hard work and contribution you have put in, let me tell you, you have done a great job. Whether others see that or not, you know that you have worked hard and done more than what you have been asked for.

    Sometimes when we don't receive the validation and appreciation for the work we do, it feels as though our efforts and input altogether is dismissed. However, that is not true, you have put in a lot of work and it is their fault and loss for not appreciating that or being able to see your vast contribution over the years.

    This workplace seems like a toxic environment for you, as you have stated you do not like your job currently. It seems as though you are currently desiring other jobs, which I implore and recommend. However, I understand it is not an easy time and process to get a job during this covid pandemic, also considering you live in the countryside where there maybe less work opportunities available. I recommend you explore your sources of work application, for example, online websites and ads, creating a worker profile on LinkedIn, asking friends and family about available positions and work.

    Best of luck,

    M99.

  3. Smiley1982
    Smiley1982 avatar
    3 posts
    23 August 2020

    Thanks M99.

    It’s interesting to hear an outside person refer to my current office / workplace as a toxic environment. As we have been through numerous staff who don’t stay long & their exact words are “toxic” also. The only work colleague to have stayed / lasted is the lady I currently work with, who is the wife of one the staff in our office who is higher up the ladder than me and who I class as a bully. There are Chanel’s to go through for bullying, however he will know it was me that put in the complaint and I have to work with him. So I don’t need that friction either. Being single and dumb, I thought being nice to him and one night approx 10 years ago in the office alone one night, I kissed him / he kissed me - whatever it was. But that made the situation worse. He thought he had a hold over me. Then his wife started working in the office. It made it worse. He has only just started treating me nice in the office, only after he and his wife played me against another work colleague, in which they called a lot of names. Now, they are all best friends and I’m on the outer. Then the boss of the whole office said I needed to start supporting my work colleagues.

    Facebook got involved, where I was friends with work colleagues and have noticed, I have now been unfriended & blocked by some. Thank goodness mr bully had unfriended me, as I was sick of hearing from a married man about work all of the time outside of work hours.

    But as he is next up to the boss and they have working long hours together, I get the impression he has said something to management about me.

    I’m pretty much over it. I blame myself for all of it.

    However please understand that this is only some of the scenarios & events that happen in the office and only my version of the events. Maybe I’m really stressed & depressed and taking it all the wrong way!

  4. monkey_magic
    monkey_magic avatar
    3433 posts
    23 August 2020 in reply to Smiley1982
    Hi Smiley1982,

    Trust your instincts on this one. You can usually feel if something has transpired or is about to.

    I'm not sure why you are blaming yourself for all of it. The fact that ppl at work have defriended you off Facebook prob means they have been talking about you.

    Offices can be bitchy places. I'm really sorry they are making you feel like an outsider.

    Have faith in yourself/ your abilities and know you are doing a great job, otherwise I doubt you would have held onto your job for so long.

    If u wanted to talk some more we are here to listen.
  5. Smiley1982
    Smiley1982 avatar
    3 posts
    23 August 2020 in reply to monkey_magic

    Thanks Monkey_magic.

    Not sure why the whole Facebook thing hit a chord. I do struggle with gossip and being talked about behind my back. Of course I know I’m being talked about, as I got caught up in the world wind myself. It kind of felt good for 5 mins to not be the one being spoken about. Lol

    I guess I need to talk to a counsellor or physiologist, as I’m really not coping at the moment!

  6. M99
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    M99 avatar
    48 posts
    23 August 2020 in reply to Smiley1982

    Glad to hear back from you Smiley1982,

    I think confiding in someone or seeking some form of support will be of help during this difficult time and transitioning where you feel like leaving your workplace.

    It does seem like a toxic environment and the fact there is a high level of staff turn over further suggests that. Like monkey_magic said, sometimes the workplace can be a breeding ground for gossip and negative talk. This is just a reflection of one's dissatisfaction of themselves and their life. It is quite sad really, if someone was truly happy and content with who they are and their life, they would not have the energy to belittle, gossip and bully another individual. I am sorry you have become the focus or object of their misdemeanours. However, do not take this personally or blame yourself, if it was not you it would be someone else. That is the sad function of how bullies work and is a reflection of them, not you.

    I applaud you for your working commitment, however, life is designed to change as we change. I feel like you know you deserve better, you should put you health and happiness above your work. If your work is bringing you dismay and frustration, it is best to reconsider your options and find other kinds of employment. I strongly suggest you look early and apply now to jobs that interest you.

    I understand you want to avoid confrontation in fear of further backlash, that is understandable, however it is also important to let them know it is not okay should they outrightly disrespect you. Everything seems passive at the moment, which is quite sly to be honest. I am glad you have not given in to their childish acts and stooped to their level in acts of retaliation. In a sense their own behaviours are their own punishments, one could not be consciously happy living such a life of belittling others.

    Are you currently looking at other job opportunities? And yes I think its good to talk to someone, a counsellor or psychologist. Sometimes speaking to someone else enlightens us of our own thoughts and actions and guides us to future choices that promotes our happiness.

    Best,

    M99.

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