Welcome! I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough time, its brutal but you are not alone!
For years I had negative thoughts about myself, That I wasn't good enough, worthless, I wasn't worth peoples time (even though I have amazing friends,family and a beautiful girlfriend) I felt so lonely, I didn't know who I could talk to because I didn't think anyone would want to listen to me. So I just put the happy mask on and just got on with it.
Then the black dog bit me on the butt hard and I had to acknowledge that I needed help. I opened up to my friends, family and my partner and its been such a liberating experience. I'm seeing a great psychologist and I feel i'm starting to get back on track.
Again, YOU are not alone.
As hard as it is - I encourage you to talk to someone! talking it out, hearing yourself speak about whats troubling you can help. I encourage you to speak to a GP and get a mental health care plan and a referral to a psychologist - they are worth every cent.
Getting out and about helps me greatly when im feeling down! going for a walk/bike ride or sitting down and having a coffee really helps me clear the mind.
Its hard and brutal and you feel like theres no escape - but there is light at the end of the tunnel. It does get better. You are worth something to alot of people and thats worth fighting for.