I feel for you so much as you face the overwhelming challenges that life can bring. Hope the following helps in some way:
Personally, it took me years to work out why, when having left my depression behind me some years ago, I'd occasionally face struggle in not slipping back in. Some times were fearful, given the nature of depression. 'Would I struggle for the rest of my life?' became my question. Among a lot of soul searching analysis, I had a life changing revelation: Every challenge in life will hold the potential to bring you down or to raise you (to a higher level of understanding or consciousness). The change is in the challenge. So the next question became 'How do I manage the challenge?' The answer, 'Identify what the challenge is, then ask whether you can manage on your own or if you need help or clarity regarding the way forward'.
While this sounds pretty straight forward, sometimes it's not easy to identify what the challenges are. Some will take me minutes to work out, whereas others may take me days or even weeks. The ones that take weeks are typically those that require me to let go of some significant long held self limiting beliefs. It can be the equivalent of trying to take a blanky off a 3 year old. I just won't want to give up my sense of comfort/security (when in fact that sense of comfort/security is what's stopping me from moving forward).
Would you say your challenges involve
- Working out how to live in a world which appears to have gone mad (crazy and angry)?
- Working out how to bring about positive changes within new social limitations, based on all the restrictions?
- Working out how to manage other people's negativity and/or sense of fear?
- Identifying purpose or the reason why you're here?
- Accepting crying as a constructive form of venting? By the way, it's so important we don't keep dis-ease (unease) in our mind and body
- Working out whether to leave the job or stay and master the challenges within that role, with help from others? Is the job depressing/unfulfilling might be a basic question worth asking. Finding another job would be the next challenge to rise to
You obviously know how to accept and manage challenge. You managed to make it out alive, out of your last depression. You accepted the challenge of needing to open up and managed to achieve this on the forums here.
You have traveled far since your last depression, on your path in life. Have faith in your ability to navigate beyond this one too.