re: “ I really want to end it all but I don't want to leave my young boys without their father.”
A long time ago I made an attempt that still haunts me. I too had two young children. After that once recovered I recalled what my dad told me a few months earlier (bare in mind my brother and uncle had suicided) “better to be a part time dad than no dad at all”
Ine week after my attempt I left my wife of 11 years. She could not be a narcissist if I wasn’t there.
I remained active in my kids lives. At 27yo I was about to walk my eldest down the aisle, thought to myself “had I succeeded who would have done this deed?”.
So my message is- please consider many other alternatives at your disposal.
Firstly your wife sounds like she is insecure and therapy could well be needed for her.
As for your toxic workplace please place the following in the search bar
fortress of survival (workplace)
In regards to your wife not sleeping put a TV in the bedroom with wireless headphones.
Seek out ways to reassure your wife. As a young dad being a little free is desirable but... your wife needs you with this insecurity. You must find ways to reassure her and tell her you need some space.
Some problems we face can be solved very easily but the answers just don’t come easily so writing in a anonymous forum is a wise move.
Finally, as a continuous plan keep searching for other employment. Post Covid might see many employers looking for extra staff.