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Topic: Having a rough night tonight

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. i'mbadwithnames
    i'mbadwithnames avatar
    25 posts
    24 August 2020

    I am currently still in hotel isolation (day 7 of 14).

    I did some looking for places to live tonight because my family is already making me feel like a burden and setting rediculous rules for me just so they can control me and my movements like I did when I was a child, and I haven't even moved in yet! I found some really cute places, so naturally I looked for jobs in those places. Nothing. Then I looked for work in the whole state. Nothing.

    Every single job requires experience of 2 or more years, which I don't have, plus I can't get experience because noone will hire me because I don't have experience and I get stuck in a loop. I won't be able to get a place to live without a job, even though I would only move into a place where my financial benefits from the government would easily cover it and I would be able to survive, landlords don't care about that and only look at job income, when there is none, you don't get approved which is stupid but anyway, that's an issue for another day. I hate that the world has become who do you know ratehr than actually looking at qualifications and working with people, expanding your horizons ect.

    I am starting to get pains in my legs from the lack of exercise and walking. I tried to do stretches today but I don't want to do too much because I don't want to disturb the person below me, and the balcony is locked so I actually can't do literally anything.

    I don't want to move in with my family, I still haven't got my bond back from my abusive ex-housemates (I wasn't on the lease so it should have been given back to me immediately but again, abusive. They are being difficult for the sake of being difficult), I feel tired and lonely and I just want to be able to survive without all this stress and stuff in my life. Housing is a basic human right, the fact I cannot get it even when I can afford it is a joke.

    I have plenty to do in isolation so its not so much that that's bothering me, I just... idk. I wish I could live and survive but I am socially autistic and struggle to make friends, therefore no connections, therefore the world tells me I'm not allowed to survive. All my friends are international and different time zones, which isn't helping. One of my closest friends has health issues and isn't online so I can't even check and see how he is. Life just sucks.

  2. Tangney
    Tangney avatar
    143 posts
    24 August 2020
    Hi I'mbadwithnames. I'm sorry that you're stuck in hotel quarantine. It must be awful. I've often thought that I don't think I would cope at all well with it so I hope you're ok. It's good that you're at the half way point in time. I understand how you feel about the employment situation because it's so hard at the best of times to get someone to give you a break, but with the way things are now, the ordinary difficulties of trying to break into the job market are multiplied. I'm out of work too, so I understand how hard it is to keep trying when it seems like doors are slamming shut. Regarding your housing situation, why is your family trying to control all your movements? I'm wondering if there's any point in putting your name on the public housing list? Even if it doesn't bring you an immediate solution, it might pay to find out if you are eligible. If you can get on to the list now, there's some hope that your housing will be solved at some point in the future. Good luck and I hope you're ok tonight.
  3. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    3423 posts
    24 August 2020 in reply to i'mbadwithnames
    Hi i'mbadwithnames,

    You're halfway there! We understand this must be really tough. Maybe you can plan something nice to do for yourself when the hotel isolation is finished. It might give you something to look forward to.

    Would you feel comfortable having a conversation with your family about how you're feeling? It might be useful to get in touch with an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships.

    We're sorry to hear that you struggle making friends. When you're all settled, it might be helpful to join a support group to try and build a social network in your area.​​​ You can find information on support groups is available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

    Thanks for reaching out, please feel free to keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel up to it.
  4. i'mbadwithnames
    i'mbadwithnames avatar
    25 posts
    25 August 2020 in reply to Tangney

    Hi there, thank you for your kind words.

    I don't mind the isolation too much, as I mentioned I have been living with abusive housemates for 2 years where I was confined to my room from 6am till ~10pm when they would go to their rooms for bed and I would be free so I am used to this isolation. At least I have food here, right?

    My family have always been very very controlling of me. I am the youngest and the only female of 4 kids. So naturally my brothers can run around saying what they want, doing what they want, staying with who they want, however I on the other hand am monitored, only allowed to go out with female friends, every male name i mention is questioned, I can't swear without being yelled at ect. I know it's the whole argument of "they are trying to keep you safe" but I literally know Karate, Boxing and self defence, not to mention my (tall) height is in the 99.99th percentile in the country, I think I can take care of myself. It just becomes stunting and annoying to deal with. My family is demanding I pay rent, but also setting crazy rules for me like I have to make my bed every morning, clean downstairs, help cook dinner, clean the bathrooms every couple of days ect. If i wasn't paying rent, I would say yes, all of those are fair. But the second I start paying rent, you are now my landlord. Could you imagine your landlord walking into your room every day saying make your bed and that box can't be here because it "messes with the aesthetic of the house" and demanding that you cook them dinner tonight?!? Just trying to control me and control my freedom just like they did when I was a kid.

    I am a young female who lives alone, I am not sure if public housing would be a safe place for me honestly. Just have to put up with it until I can catch a break for the first time in about 4 years and get a chance to prove myself. It will come. Eventually.

  5. i'mbadwithnames
    i'mbadwithnames avatar
    25 posts
    25 August 2020 in reply to i'mbadwithnames

    Just thought I would post an update and say that I made it through the night. Yay, love that for me.

    Around 20ish minutes after I posted this, I got a message from the friend who has been offline due to health issues that he was doing well, his treatment wasn't giving him any side effects, and he really wasn't feeling anything different at all. He was laughing about how he was so nervous but wasn't actually feeling anything different. I was so happy to hear from him again, I had been anxious all weekend.

    I took it as a sign that the universe had my back and was hearing me and my pain. It's going to be a slow process of healing and fixing all of my serious issues, but the universe has my back. I have my cheerleaders over the internet who are always on my side no matter what, and my best friend is really good to complain to because she always back me up no matter what.

    I made it through another night. I can make it through the next one too.

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