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Topic: Help

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. grenadejumper
    grenadejumper avatar
    1 posts
    22 August 2020

    Hi, I’m S. In 2018 I got diagnosed with depression after walking out of class crying and asking my dad to pick me up, he suggested that we go to the medical centre, he didn’t know what was wrong. I privately asked for a depression test and I got diagnosed.

    After getting diagnosed I got put on medication and I continued to get prescriptions till the end of 2018/early 2019 when I suddenly decided to stop taking it because it wasn’t working for me, it didn’t make me feel any better and I felt like less of a person. I went to one session with a therapist and another with a psychologist but I felt too embarrassed to go back because my mum was with me both times and I was so ashamed. Near the end of 2019 (November maybe?) I woke up one day feeling little to no emotion and it was a shock. Up until that point all I felt was this heavy weight on my chest like my body was logged with water and there was only underlying sadness but I woke up empty.

    I’ve been like that ever since, I can barely feel emotions and it’s like they’re behind this wall. Sometimes I feel a flash of anger and then it’s gone in the next second because I realise it’s pointless to get angry, I still feel the constant sad and dull feeling but it’s more in the background and I mostly feel empty. I think I suffer from emotional detachment. In the past few days I’ve been getting worse, I thought I’d been coping well but it’s like this wave of depression has knocked me off my feet. I know that I need medication (probably a different kind), I know that I need a therapist or psychologist but I’m too ashamed to ask my mum. All these problems that I have and all that’s stopping me is disappointing my mum because I’m too embarrassed of my own depression even though it runs heavily in her side of the family. Everyone around me acts like I’m fine but I’m not, there’s always this inner turmoil happening and I can smile and laugh but it doesn’t feel real. I can feel the humour in the joke and think it’s funny and get it but I don’t feel happiness when I laugh. I feel comfort with my friends but not happiness. I feel like my parents forgot that I have depression and that they think it’s probably “gone away” in some sense but it hasn’t. I don’t know what to do but I know that I need help. What do I do?

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    3430 posts
    22 August 2020 in reply to grenadejumper
      We are so glad that you've taken this big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our friendly online community. We're so sorry to hear that you've been feeling detached lately, but please know that you've come to safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

    If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line for some advice. They are a confidential and anonymous, 24/7 telephone and online (Webchat) counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. 

    We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

    We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. 
  3. james1
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    james1 avatar
    2728 posts
    23 August 2020 in reply to grenadejumper

    Hello grenadejumper,

    Welcome to our community! I am sad to hear that you can barely feel any emotions and feel so ashamed and embarrassed about your depression, and don't know what to do from here.

    You've mentioned that you know you need medication and need to see a psychologist - I think these are really great ideas, and it is promising to hear that you do think there could be help for you. I think that help exists too. But it sounds like knowing what to do and doing it is actually really hard, and I know from my own experience that feeling ashamed or embarrassed makes seeking help even harder.

    So I think it is worthwhile for you to challenge that thought. If a friend suffered from depression, would you think they should be ashamed or embarrassed? Still, I know that we always judge ourselves harsher than others, and I know how hard it is to go and get help. I also suffered from depression and quit therapy a couple of times, because I just didn't want to get help anymore. It feels really embarrassing still to say that I was depressed, as if I'm not a complete human being, but I don't think that of anyone else suffering from depression - it's just a criticism I level at myself.

    So I am not sure what more I can add to your own suggestions so far, because I think they are really good ideas. I am saddened to hear that you feel really detached at the moment, and I can understand that the way you are feeling right now may even make it harder to go seek help. But I think getting help is worthwhile and is nothing to be embarrassed about.

    I mean, you've already made a start by coming here and talking to us, which I'm really happy about.


    1 person found this helpful
  4. chloe.xx
    chloe.xx  avatar
    29 posts
    23 August 2020 in reply to grenadejumper

    Hi grenadejumper,

    Welcome to this forum. Our community appreciates you reaching out and talking about your situation. Please know that there is nothing to be embarrassed about, we are here to help. I am really proud of you for seeking help from a therapist, there are so many support services out there if you feel more comfortable talking anonymously such as Beyond Blue and Kids Help line that Sophie has mentioned.

    It's great that you feel comfortable around your friends and that they are there for you as a support service. Your friends are there to help you so I would encourage you to reach out to them. There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, you are an amazing person and have already taken the right steps to speak out about how you are feeling - wherever thats to a therapist or to us. I would encourage you do continue along that path.

    Wishing you all the best


    1 person found this helpful

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