Topic: Highly Sensitive People (HSP)

Are you sensitive? If so you might be in the range of a HSP. Studies show up to 15-30% of people could fall into this category. And I thought I was alone!

Have you had the comments

”you should toughen up”

”don’t be so sensitive”

Yet these people don’t realise that your sensitivity is part of you, your personality. It’s like you suggesting they grow shorter as “you are too tall” How absurd.

Sensitive people have strong inner feelings, can be creative in things like writing, like to help other people or animals and generally care deeply in their convictions.

So people that criticise us are in effect bullying us to be someone we are not. If possible stand up for yourself because sure as yabbies bite your toes, if you don’t then you’ll be walked over.

We cant all be without sensitivity, we can’t all be low in emotion... not everyone is a highly sensitive person, if they were they’d understand how our world is full of inner feelings and also wonderful in a strange way because we “feel” and that my friend is priceless...

TonyWK

Thankyou Nimi

I too have deep feelings for life and things like baby animals. Tugs at my heart strings.

We are constantly put down by others, then typically go away and cry our hearts out.

Not any more of that for me Nimi, I’ve fought back and feel so much better for it.

You can’t develop standard answers to these people without being nasty like-

“why don’t you stop wearing glasses”?

”you are too tall, have you tried shortening yourself”?

please google

beyondblue topic wit the only answer to torment

beyondblie topic depression and sensitivity- a connection?

beyondblue topic fortress of survival

its great talking to you

TonyWK

Dear Nimi (with a wave to TonyWK)

Yes it is a gift, I share it.

There is a thread at:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/helpful-books-and-resources\

If you scroll down to 18 December you will see White Rose has given a description of the book

Highly Sensitive People in an Insensitive World by Ilse Sand

I manged to find a copy on line for I think it was $14. Money well spent, it has a lot of sense and explained many of my thoughts and actions. Your own state library may have an electronic copy you can hold and the download (just like a regular hardcopy book) for a couple of weeks.

Croix

Hi Nye

totally agree, “engage more deeply”

For me, my high sensitivity is triggered depending on the state of my bipolar. Eg I write highly emotional poetry. If not emotional I can’t write it, it is a place dictated by mood.

TonyWK

Hi Tony WK

So soulful are your words.

Imagine a world where all folk are sensitive, sensitive enough to spot the slightest hint of sadness on a person's face, so as to gift a smile, sensitive enough to hear the slightest tremor in a person's voice, so as to gift courage in a time of fear and self doubt, sensitive to never use the words 'Toughen up'.

In reality, how beautiful it is the way HSPs share their gifts with each other. Everyone else remains a challenge.

:)

Been having a read of this thread, and your answers are simlar to how I think (when my bipolar takes me to that place), being able to draw, write, sing etc etc, feels great. Other days just can't do these things.

Your words have just really struck a chord. I'll also see if I can find an electronc version of this book to rent.

Take care White Knight. Thanks for sharing it was great to read.

Hi All

often being described as too sensitive, i tend to shut of for a while, because sensitivity seems to bother some people.

it hurts when the people closest to me say that im too sensitive. I understand that they havent been through what i have, but its still painful.

Not_Batman

I agree!!! The conundrum of capitalism clashing with those who feel their way through life... I often think about Van Gogh. Thought of a a lunatic, a weirdo who painted crappy pictures... now what is his estate worth... I've coined this term societal-lag. It took the rest of society all this time to appreciate him? His work? It's beyond tragic. So many artists who've used different mediums over the years, have suffered the wrath of their communities, simply for breathing differently.

Why we all can't just live and let live? Oh that's it I forgot! (how could I), the sad fact is that this is by design. The powers that be, are slowly creating this "matrix" if you will for our societies. Factually imo. I can see the writing on the wall. To continue their quest for complete control over everyone's autonomy, let alone for people like us. Where people like us are Neo's, and those who notice something out of the ordinary i.e us, start walking towards us to try and take us out of the equation.

Even if the Writers of Matrix have recently came out and said that it was about transgender confusion (from memory), but I actually think the mechanisms of the plot, apply far more accurately to Capitalism and the effects that it is having on people such as us.

then take Joker, the latest installment; two VERY different movies, but with similar connections to capitalism (and the dysfunctional elements it possesses), with its societal constructs for that which in my opinion, makes our species, an extremely oppressed and mislead one. Must be considering this slippery slop is getting steeper, seemingly by the year.

Our species is hurtling towards implosion and the majority are too engrossed in their "smart technology" aka "keep them polarised and divided" technology to care. They've been desensitised to to their own social retardation. The term "divide and conquer" may be military terminology, but one can also just as simply apply this quote to how Governments are now ruling (and ruining) the masses.

I weep at times when I think about how we the people have let this happen to us.

I also enjoyed reading your poem @TonyWK... For all the wrong reasons. It was profound to me, seeing my life's conundrum condensed into a concise I dare say, perfect poem.

(I'm no English lecturer so please don't quote me though) :)

Hello Tony and everyone...🤗..

I am a highly sensitive person and to be honest with everyone, I prefer myself that way...Being highly sensitive, can at times cause a lot of hurt for me...and also a lot of joy, being able to tune into the universe, and look at the world and all the creatures in a different way to the insensitive person.....

I have know many people who didn’t have a sensitive bone in their body or heart..they have no feeling for anything in this amazing world except themselves..How sad would that be to be like that...

I can cry with a single word, gesture and always when someone gives me a hug...,I often cry reading posts, knowing others are struggling with their life....I can feel these things deeply...I care for people deeply, creatures of this universe and even the beautiful flora that is around me...

Be proud of you and being sensitive...because it means you are a beautiful soul, that cares deeply about others and the world around you...

As our wonderful and wise Tony says....”sensitive is who we are, we cannot be who we are not”...

Be who you are...because sensitivity is a beautiful way to be..

Kind thoughts...beautiful people,

Grandy..

Feverfew

welcome to the forum and thanks for your post.

I relate to what you wrote. I am an HSP. People can telling me I am too sensitive but maybe others are insensitive.

Thanks Feverfew and lively Grandy

Feverfew, you did a good job describing your HSP symptoms. As Grandy eluded, she embraces her sensitivity which is not only an action of positivity but as you cannot eliminate the condition it's better to learn to love that part of your character. As Grandy said, the opposite is less preferable.

The beauty of living life as a HSP is your appreciation

Google

YouTube prem rawat maharaji appreciate

YouTube maharaji the perfect instrument

So, Feverfew, you are one lu cvky individual.

But to both of you- regardless of the above, you have a challenge....to keep doing and feeling what you feel but learn to do so with less extreme emotion. The tears, try to feel as you do but without the tears. Less headaches and I believe tears can bring you down.

TonyWK

Hi to all the highly sensitive souls here :)

Tony, this is such a truly beautiful thread. It's a thread that doesn't trigger the thought 'What's wrong with me' but the thought 'I am truly amazing', among those who touch base here.

It tends to trigger me when I hear people refer to the current generation as 'the snowflake generation' in a bad way. From a positive perspective, the snowflake generation are individually unique and collectively hold the ability to blanket the world in something truly beautiful and breathtaking.

They are sensitive enough to feel and melt under degradation, a lack of inspiration, the unnecessarily stressful, exhausting and potentially depressing challenges that come with an outdated educational system. While they are left alone, without a lot of guidance, they are sensitive enough to seek excitement and stimulation through things like Tik Tok. They are natural born seekers who at times lack guidance. They can easily feel support and inspiration from open minded people who are not closed off to new ways in making this world more compassionate, sensitive and exciting. They are often told to toughen or harden up which is depressing for these people who long for others to be just as sensitive as them. They suffer terribly through an obvious lack of leadership in the way forward. Collectively, they are a beautiful and naturally intelligent generation. With so much focus on academic intelligence, consideration for their natural intelligence is often ignored. They're a generation of daydreamers, entrepreneurs, of feelers who feel everything so deeply and creators who are ready to create, in desperate need of direction and resources.

I have a couple of snowflakes myself, an 18yo girl and 15yo boy, and they would have to be 2 of the most amazing inspiring and sensitive people I've ever met. I feel truly blessed to be here to witness this incredible generation lead us out of what can be such an insensitive world at times. I believe they are here to make a difference. Now all they need are the leaders to help and guide them.

:)

Hi the rising

You painted my thoughts.

"Harden up"..."don't be so sensitive"..."he's a sook?

Had that all my life.

As a young prison officer at 21yo I subjected myself to terrible challenges. Not only from hardened prisoners but the officers also. There was no room for compassion I so desperately desired to offer. No room for a HSP.

The world can be a cruel place. But individually we can give to others some comfort.

E.g. I visited McDonald's. I witnessed the manager debate a young female staff member. She walked to the rest room in tears. A few minutes later she wiped down tables and swept. I told her she was doing a top job. She smiled behind rosy red cheeks. As We left I approached her manager. "I'd like to make a compliment to the store. That new girl was fantastic with her manners, so caring". He told me it was her second day working. "Well my friend...you better learn to communicate in a softer more gentle tone if you are to become a great manager" I said.

We older adults have to protect our young people from abuse. Labelling other "snowflakes" or any derogatory word is unacceptable. We can only do this from an individual level but it can be life changing even then

TonyWK

Hi TonyWK

I believe insensitive people don't fully understand the incredibly abilities of highly sensitive people. Take that McDonalds incident for example - Not only were you sensitive enough to feel the upset in that girl but also sensitive enough to feel what must be said, to both her and the manager. I've found one of the toughest things about being sensitive has involved the development of trust. To trust natural inspiration or what comes to mind was often, for me, suppressed for so many years based on those destructive mantras 'What will people think of me if I speak up?' and 'How will people reject me if I express my natural self?' I believe it's so important to trust both inspiration and our natural self. This trust can prove both mind altering and life changing.

I imagine you would have thrived working in a prison system that was intensely based on highly effective reform. I imagine you would have inspired many on their path of reformation. You must have witnessed many faults in the prison system that did not allow or encourage true reformation to take place. My brother, who's a uni educator, mentioned to me the fact that it's an almost impossible feat to reform a system with so many up there at the top blocking your every move, based on their own agenda. Whether it's the prison system or the education system this fact can become angering, especially when you see others suffer through such insanity and a lack of sensitivity to what must be changed.

I can easily imagine that girl at McDonalds has thought of you fondly since you spoke to her. I imagine she thinks of you as 'That really nice person who made a difference'. She was blessed to have you there in that moment. Let's hope you opened the mind of that manager :)

Hi the rising

Re: " My brother, who's a uni educator, mentioned to me the fact that it's an almost impossible feat to reform a system with so many up there at the top blocking your every move

I learned individuals cannot change a system entrenched. But to feed the minds of those that crave advise is most satisfying.

One prisoner well call Max would not respond to his surname which was the rule. Officers tried everything to get him to mop a floor by addressing him by his surname.

While those officers had lunch I whispered in Max's ear "will you please mop the floor Max" He did. Tension rose with my colleagues when they saw him mopping but too bad.

That was 1977, a 21yo warder was, unaware what he was doing, introducing some humanity, reason and efficiency in a world set in their controlling ways.

HSP has been around since Adam was a boy but prior to a few decades ago sensitivity in men was suppressed, you either hid it or one exposed ones vulnerability.

No wonder I have more female friends. My HSP is my feminine side and I'm blessed.

TonyWK

Hi TonyWK

With all my heart, I do believe you are a natural born raiser. You're here to raise others. You're such an inspiring person. Even Max would have felt that.

Yes, one person at a time seems to be the way to go. My brother's advice was 'If you want to change things, begin planting the seeds of change in the minds of the next generation'. The seed you planted in the mind of the young worker at McDonald's may have been 'I am worthy of respect, consideration and kindness', as opposed to 'I am worthless in this job'. Who will she go onto be, with that seed you planted in her mind?

I have so much compassion for men. It's typically been relatively easy for women to vent stress and disappointment throughout the years. We cry and it's accepted. We cry and we're given compassion. We're even encouraged to vent in such a way. Men have been degraded into keeping such stress in, labeled 'weak' if they vent through such emotion. 'Do not vent, keep your dis-ease in' has almost been the mantra for men. As more sensitive boys and men are produced in the future, I cannot help but wonder whether they will come to live just as long as women, with less dis-ease and tension in their body.

I encourage my son to be more sensitive, exercise his super natural ability. Sense if someone's bringing you down, depressing you or draining you and then consider how you'll manage your relationship with them. Sense if someone is in desperate need of support and be a support for them. Sense who is inspiring you without an agenda. Get a sense of where an opportunity is going to lead you. Being a serious daydreamer, I also encourage him to sense excitement through visions of the future he dreams of. So much sensitivity or you could say 'sense activity'. It is my goal to have my kids feel their way through life to some degree and manage their feelings without suppressing them. I imagine you'd agree that sometimes feelings need a filter, not free expression. If I want to keep my job, I'm not going to freely vent at my boss when I feel the need to. Self control is also an ability to be mastered :)

I do believe you would make a brilliant mentor for young men, an inspirational guiding light with much experience in life. Have you ever looked into mentoring programs?

:)

I love this topic because I relate to it well. Has anyone read the book The highly sensitive person by Elaine N Aron it really helped me all those years ago. Sensitivity is definitely a strength in alot of ways

Hi Niki,

Sorry, I have read only about 3-4 books in my life, no patience for them but it's good to recommend them. Re: Sensitivity is definitely a strength in alot of ways". I agree and it can make one a wonderful worker too in the right job eg nursing, zoo keeper etc. Half the battle is knowing you're sensitive and wher eit originates from eg

https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/seeking-support/helping-yourself-and-others/online-forums/depression/depression-and-sensitivity---a-connection-

love your input here.

The Rising,

I was actually a negative thinker until 1982 at 25yo. I attended a motivation lecture and 30 minutes later I never thought negative at all. It's highlighted here-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life

Even depression I see positives, artistic, deep feelings, consideration and so on, many qualities that dont come with everyone.

I also have dysthymia and along with bipolar they combine to give me a life of crying back when younger. You are right, being a male my tears on a hilltop likely started waterfalls below. Been on meds now for 12 years and along with more maturity the tears have all but stopped. So, I've now developed into a man that's knowledge and life experiences give me great confidence. A mentor? well with my illnesses I am not only a sufferer of stress but I have to limit my person to person face to face contacts. That's why this forum is home to me.

Re: "I encourage my son to be more sensitive, exercise his super natural ability. Sense if someone's bringing you down, depressing you or draining you and then consider how you'll manage your relationship with them." Boy I wish I had a mum like you.

Re "I imagine you'd agree that sometimes feelings need a filter, not free expression. Exactly, we need self control and adaptation. Unfortunately my HSP is still present and get easily offended by the less than perfect tone of someones reply. I've managed some recourse of this - to always refer back to the "offender" to seek their real meaning of their comment only to be told 95% of the time "Oh, I didnt mean it like that." Then there is early conclusion which is the aim. "Nip it in the bud" works very well with HSP.

The other problem HSP gives is that is others become very accustomed to our sensitivity they will blame any event where we raise our voices to "you're being over sensitive again"...often when I have reason to be at the level of sensitivity I feel.

TonyWK

Hi TonyWK

It's liberating when you find ways to master sensitivity. I see you have a number of ways, including leading people to be more conscious in how they speak. It brings me joy to hear this. Do you find it amazing when it comes to the number of people who don't take responsibility for how they address others, how many prefer to turn the whole thing around. Yes, how many highly sensitive people are all too familiar with the phrase 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up!' Can't help but think at times, when I come across particularly rude folk who say this, 'Yes I'm so super sensitive that I can sense an a-hole when I come across one. They tend to spout nothing but poop'. Sorry, a bit crass but I hope you got a laugh out of it :)

It took me quite a number of years, after coming out of depression, to understand what a large part of it was about. It was about a lack. You could say it involved a lack of things or people that brought me true joy, excitement, inspiration, self understanding, philosophy, a more open mind, the support I would have thrived through, great hope and so on. I will forever be grateful to 2 of a small number of people who brought me back to life, my kids. This is one of the reasons why I try so hard to raise them to be more sensitive and aware. It's one of the ways in which I love and bring them to life. I never want them to have to suffer depression.

I wonder whether highly sensitive people naturally question a lot. I can't help but wonder. I feel a lot of revelations come through questioning. Why is that person so rude and thoughtless? Why do they speak to me this way? Why do I react the way I do? I often question myself, constructively these days. Sometimes wonder brings astonishment when revelations come to mind. Ahh, that person's so rude and thoughtless because they're surrounded by enablers. This person speaks to me like this because I am one of the enablers. I react this way because I was raised to be a people pleaser. That's why I don't speak up. Oh my gosh, I've been a people pleaser the whole of my life. How did I not see that? I remember when I 1st had this mind altering revelation. Having become a bit of a trouble maker over time, I've come to have moments where I think 'Let's see how this person treats me if I don't please them'. The outcome's easy to predict. Testing people around you can be a great natural self esteem booster esp when you can predict the outcome. You could say HSPs are visionaries :)

Hi the rising

I understand you, although understandably we are all over sensitive to different topic/reaction/comments etc.

For myself my top trigger is selfishness. Considering other people before myself was taught to me. Talk about a grand enabler!

AAfter much hurt from giving to others and placing them on a pedestal only to realise that such consideration would not be reciprocated I was stumped....aren't all people considerate? No, in fact that illusion was only one of many things not the same so the wide spread of behaviours of humans began to sink in, including sensitivity.

Men are lions, prepared for battle more physically in the past now mainly sharp piercing words of today. My over the top acts of consideration is not realistic, it's on the extreme end of the scale inviting capitalisation on my vulnerability. Things had to change and that came about around 20 years ago. I decided my HSP would never change so my strategy would be, not to get sad but to confront these aggressors in a measured but equally determined manner with an addition of wit.

It has worked. If I am now still sensitive but will equalise any unfair treatment vocally, even with volume. In a lions world this isn't preferable but necessary.

I might point out that my late brother took his life at 26yo and was a HSP.

The challenge for a parent of HSP children is real. Yes, teaching to embrace themselves for whom they are with that balance of an effective measured defence. Finally, post confrontation to learn not to feel guilt which is something I haven't mastered.

Re: " I will forever be grateful to 2 of a small number of people who brought me back to life, my kids. This is one of the reasons why I try so hard to raise them to be more sensitive and aware. It's one of the ways in which I love and bring them to life. I never want them to have to suffer depression."

The problem is, try as you may, it can happen. My daughter now 32yo was a good teacher also HSP and broke down at 26yo with depression bipolar and PTSD. She can never work as a teacher again. I recognised all my illnesses in her as she became an adult. Prior to that she was teary eyed too easily but dad's think daughter's always are. My point being, I couldn't sway her to stand her ground as I've explained.

I agree with your angle of choosing the right people to share your life around. I covered the process of screening, using a filter, to make sure they weren't going to damage me in the thread "fortress of survival"

TonyWK

Hi Tony

While I can only imagine the pain of losing my brother and watching my daughter struggle so deeply with mental health challenges, what I imagine would not come close to the true extent of the pain you've felt. My heart truly goes out to you.

You're right, there are definitely no guarantees people will not face mental health issues throughout their life. I suppose the best we can do is gather tools for mental health along the way. Wit is definitely a great tool. I've found another to involve imagination and wonder. By the way, when it comes to that sense of guilt, I've managed over time to develop the mantra 'Who do I want to be?', when I meet with guilt. Guilt's become my 'signpost' of consciousness. For example, if someone asks me to squeeze a favour for them into an already busy day and I start to feel guilt if I can't, Who do I want to be?' becomes the question. The answer 'I want to be someone who does not invite stress into my mind, body and life'. Once I decide I want to be this person, I apologise for not having the times to help them. If it's an emergency, 'I am someone who shifts my priorities in order to help this person'. This means I can't feel guilt as I take 'shopping for my family' off my list.

May sound insane but I do believe the subject of imagination and wonder should be taught in school, things we're naturally born with. If we don't know how they work, life can become incredibly depressing. With imagination and wonder being 2 of the most powerful abilities we have, to a degree they influence our chemistry and our path. What mental chemistry do we produce or not produce if we're led to imagine complete hopelessness forever, simply wondering if we'll ever escape it? What about a world we're led to imagine the worst, wondering if we'll ever find the best in it? What chemistry do we produce if we are easily led to imagine a world which is filled with incredible hope, a world where sensitive people become the norm, a world where we just don't 'fit in' but flourish? What chemistry do we produce when beginning wondering how to bring this into reality? I passionately dislike the media because they mess with both our vision of the future and our chemistry. They're fear mongers, stirring up the chemistry of fear and anxiety. I'm sensitive to mainstream media which is why I manage having little to do with it.

Mess with the imagination and wonder in a child and then watch them lose their ability to visualise or channel a difference.

:)

Hi the rising

...a world where sensitive people are the norm". That, I'd like to see.

The problem with highly sensitive people is that along with a mental illness people will always blame you for becoming upset. There is rarely a situation whereby the person doing the upsetting reflects upon their words or even tone.

It's all our fault

TonyWK