Topic: Highly Sensitive People (HSP)

Hi Sleepy

I had a friend for 12 years. We had our own separate businesses.

Full of empathy I supported him during marriage breakdown and alcoholism. I didn't expect anything in return. But, there comes a time when a "gesture" of support would have been wonderful. It never came, it was all about him.

It's hard to break off contact but the end result, harmony and better quality relationships is worth the action

How are you Shelll?

TonyWK

Thankyou for your kindness Tony, the Rising, Sleepy.

Rising.. I think its compression. Mum had an MRI so it showed what was going on I think. Its an awful pain these people experience. Truly heartbreaking. I find it challenging to read about it. Even thinking about it now, my heart feels a sad emotion. So hard seeing my mum go through this. Tears are behind my eyes as I write this. Thankyou for understanding me.

Tony... Thankyou. I am coping. But it does hurt me, hurts my soul to see her like this. Of which I am not sure how to manage my own self. I never have gone through something like this before. Seeing and knowing someone I love is suffering. My mum has some strong pain meds now. So I am not sure about going to emergency at the hospital.

She is normally a positive and bubbly sort of person. She seems different now.

I am doing research on this trigeminal neuralgia as I had never heard of it either. So maybe I can look for other ways to help her. But that is hurting me sometimes to read it. Knowing many people experience this type of pain daily. It's truly heartbreaking.

Sleepy... Thankyou for the hug Sleepy.

Hi Shelll

Good on you for doing the research. Inside the square and outside of it, look everywhere.

My mum suffers from the pain of spinal degeneration. While all I could feel was hopelessness for her at one point in time (which is heartbreaking), I began to do research into what could make a difference to her. The process redefined me. I went from identifying myself as 'useless' to identifying myself as 'a researcher'. There's a sense of empowerment in being a researcher. I found the key to researching involves not researching anything that sounds hopeless or depressing. Shelll, you have the benefit of being a feeler, so I imagine you'll be able to easily feel what sounds hopeless or depressing. You'll be looking for what feels hopeful and inspiring. You'll feel when you've hit on it. Keep looking until you hit on it. All good detectives can feel when they're onto something.

Give you an example of what I'm talking about. Can't recall what led me to discover a guy named George Jelinek. Diagnosed with MS, the same condition his mother died suffering from, Jelinek (a medical professional) made the decision to not believe there's no cure. While he spent some years facing the challenges that come with MS, he also spent those years researching so much on the subject. He eventually began a trial and error process of experimentation on himself that led him to eventually be free of the condition. He's helped so many people who once suffered like he did. If you were to simply type in MS, into the search engine, it would sound hopeless and depressing. You could scroll down to see, over and over again, the words 'incurable'.

As a newly born researcher, be careful with what you type into the search engine on your laptop. What can be helpful is to search for 'latest research' on whatever you're looking for, as latest research can often point to new theories and findings, new possibilities. Whether it involves researching some of the most common triggers for TN (so as to manage and avoid them), the impact stress can have, what kind of diet may help in any way, whether seeing a chiropractor for relief could make some difference, right through to the most effective and reputable surgeons in this area, there's so much to research.

I wish you only the best as you set out on your quest for answers, to find a difference. All significant quests hold many questions. Don't settle for a lack of answers :)

Thank you for your reply Rising. I can see we have very similar ways we think about things. Is your mum ok now?

I am indeed a think out of the square person. And often naturally want to know the cause of things. As for my mum, what caused it in the first place?

The MS illustration was a good one. This guy wasn't going to settle for less.

I will research as you suggested, because I have been finding it sad. I joined a Facebook group in Australia for people experience trigeminal neuralgia. I have asked questions in there in hope to help my mum. It has been helpful, but hard again to see these people suffering. Properly can only take it in small doses.

May I ask a question?? No pressure to answer. You said your children or one of your children were sensitive, just wondering if you feel or know they are hurting. How do you parent them? Do you allow them to talk about it, or comfort or what? I am thinking I will need to parent myself in regards to these intense emotions that I am experiencing.

Hi Shelll

My mum has a number of physical issues. Some of them tie in together. Sometimes it becomes a matter of 'What one thing will serve in multiple ways?' Stress management, for example, helps keep inflammation down to some degree, helps with regulating blood pressure and is good for the immune system and so on. So while she takes multiple meds for a number of conditions, stress management is a natural medicine for helping her maintain physical and mental well being. Sometimes she'll feel the difference through stress management, sometimes she won't, such as with a pinched nerve for example. While she's moved from using a walker 100% of the time to me taking her around in a wheelchair a lot of the time, the wheelchair is also a form of natural pain management. She doesn't get to the end of the day in as much pain as she used to.

Both my son (16) and daughter (19) are sensitive in many ways. As I say to them 'What you do with your sensitivity or ability to sense is up to you. Use this ability wisely'. All 3 of us are pretty good at reading each other, if someone's down or exhausted, excited or stressed etc. I suppose it's about finding it easy to read the ones you love. There's that connection. Usually, we'll talk things out quite easily. Sometimes we'll bottle things up, believing we can manage on our own, before we feel the need to express ourselves verbally. If the need is strong enough, we know we can rely on each other to sort things out, to speak freely. We all lead each other to make better sense of things, especially when certain challenges make no sense at all.

One of the most reliable kinds of people you'll meet are wonderful people, in my opinion. They're full of wonder, to the point where if you give them a problem they'll generally wonder about all possible angles and solutions until they've found the the most relatable solution. They'll offer up what comes to mind, in the hopes of helping us move beyond the challenge/s we face. Myself and my kids are so easily triggered to wonder on most occasions. It's almost like a compulsion :)

It's one thing to be able to sense a person's vibe when they walk in the room, it's another to sense their sufferance, to some degree. Empathy is such a motivating factor when it comes to making a difference to the ones we love, something you speak of yourself. Not wanting someone you love to suffer alone or without hope is one of the greatest motivators.

You're such a beautiful person Shelll, you truly are.

Hi lovely ppl,

In connection to our conversation about HSPs..I was wandering about how we can put ourselves first and self care.

Most of my life I've been helping and sympathising with others, sometimes abusive ppl too. I've not taken a second to check in with myself and see if my needs are getting met.

I've found that play like art, singing dancing etc helps me take care of my inner child, and nurture myself.

I also find practising boundaries helps.

Do ppl feel that sometimes we take on others problems too much, and neglect to address our own needs and wants ? Xx

Hi Sleepy21

Caring for others can definitely come with a down side at times, especially when it comes to how much we're caring. I believe there is such a thing as caring too much at times, to the point where it creates various levels of sufferance within our self. I believe this is where feelings come to serve us in a variety of ways.

• Does caring for this person too much lead me to experience feeling stress/anxiety?
• Does caring for this person too much, one who treats me so poorly/one who neglects me, lead me to feel down or like I'm in a depression?
• Does caring for this person too much lead me to feel overwhelming frustration/anger?

Long list, so I won't go on. Taking it up a notch, if feelings come with some sort of 'volume' indicator, does the stress (for example) feel like a 2 or a 10? At what number is my wake up call to begin backing off a little in favour of taking better care of myself? Is feeling a 7 a clear indicator of self neglect? Can I become better tuned into feeling what a 7 feels like, so I can come to sense it easily, so it's much easier for me to wake up to the need for instant or greater self care?

I'm a shocker, Sleepy. Sometimes I've got no idea I'm feeling anything significant until I hit a 10, leading me to wonder 'Where the heck did that comes from'. I think it comes from suppressing your feelings. Kind of like when someone who's demanding and stressful can lead you in one way or another to think 'Suck it up princess and just work harder to help them'. So you suck it up and, in the process, reach the point of what feels like some form verging on explosion or absolute exhaustion. Last year was the first year in all my 51 years where I'd experienced a couple of episodes of growing anxiety to the point of breakdown. With one occasion, I was on the phone to my boss, in tears, explaining I couldn't come into work, as I was so mentally and emotionally overwhelmed. I was so thoroughly exhausted and stressed. Looking back, I could feel it building, along side my 'Suck it up princess' mantra. While it was a somewhat depressing experience, it was also one that had valuable lessons attached to it. The #1 lesson: Pay better attention to what you're feeling when it comes to a challenge, as you're feeling for good reason. In my mind, feelings are like a compass; they'll indicate when things are heading south. The challenge is to work out why they're heading south and where you went off track to begin with. Bit of backtracking involved :)