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Topic: How do you deal with/let the pain out?

13 posts, 0 answered
  1. April30
    April30 avatar
    26 posts
    19 April 2020

    Hi,

    I don't really know what to do.. Currently I'm just feeling so stressed out, depressed and completely heartbroken. I wish I could just not feel anymore. I don't know how to deal with all the emotional pain inside me, I feel like I'm drowning it it cause its all just building up and getting worse and worse cause I don't know how to let it out/go..So I just try avoid thinking and all I do is try and distract myself constantly. But it's a rubbish way to live..

    And I've heard like that avoiding emotions/pain just makes them worse and that you need to like just acknowledge and 'sit' with them and deal with them. But how do you physically actually do that cause I have no idea how or what the even means. Cause sitting there acknowledging how heartbroken I feel doesn't help me.....

    Please if someone has some advice how to do this tell me haha..

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2021 posts
    19 April 2020 in reply to April30

    Welcome April30, you have just started your journey to "feeling better" and I congratulate you for reaching out here to get some comfort and support.

    What you are doing here is the very begining of a healthy healing process....writing..I credit a journal and being here to my grief healing and I can truly say that this community has brought me out the other side of grief.

    Start with sharing here, if you feel comfortable, you can get out how you are feeling and get some feedback and support and tips on how to move out of this space and see if they work for you, there is no judgement here, just love and care. Also a journal I found wonderful, you can write perhaps some of the more raw feelings that may not be suitable for here, to blame to purge and to get it all out, it is for no one else to see, just you, gee it feels wonderful to have it out.

    You might find that is enough, just the sharing and purging, you might find you need to seek some professional help from counselling too. I found this to be so amazing, I learnt so many things as well as things about my self and also techniques to manage conversations with others that I was struggling with....wonderful.

    Feeling heartbroken is just so painful and I am so sorry that you are going through this, I think people give advice with the best intentions "sit with it", but yes sometimes fail to go deeper to give suggestions what that looks like to "do"..I hope my suggestions have been helpful to you.

    I think also try to do some things that do make you smile, that you love to do, as much as possible in these times of physical distancing, which I am sure does not help either.

    Hope to chat to you some more

    Hugs to you

    Sarah xx

    1 person found this helpful
  3. April30
    April30 avatar
    26 posts
    20 April 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hey Sarah,

    Thanks for replying 😊

    Ok yeah I think that I will try journaling..

    and I'll try explain more on here, I'm not good at putting things in words but hopefully won't be too confusing haha.. So I have anxiety and depression. and have had since I was a kid I'd say. but my parents always like brushed it off just telling me like stop being so negative, stop worrying about everything, just think about something else. An that just made it worse cause I felt stupid like well obviously something's wrong with me but it's like everyone's saying I'm fine so I could be fine, but Im not, but I should be.. so I wasn't really getting any help or support I guess, but I knew I needed help but I didn't know what to do and then it all just made me feel so extremely guilty cause like I thought what if I am making it all up and nothing's wrong, like I don't have an excuse to have depression and anxiety, nothing's really wrong with my life so many people have it worse. so I should be fine... so it's always just been this never ending cycle of guilt that I should be fine but I'm not.. so for a while I just kinda believed well obviously I'm just stupid and not strong enough an that's just how it is. but eventually when I was like 16 I went to a doctor and they told me I had anxiety and depression. and my mum later told me that she had just never wanted me to label myself with it and then just go give up on trying. so like yeah she was trying do what she thought was best, but it really didn't help me at all just made me feel like I had to somehow convince them there was something wrong while they just went along like it was all fine and I was just being dramatic or something. and also because of that I feel like I can't talk to people about it cause I still just have so much guilt that what if I am making it all up an being stupid an just not strong enough?? cause it's like people think you need to have had something absolutely awful happen to you to be depressed. so yeah feel like I can't talk to people cause what if they just think I'm attention seeking and making it up..

    and lately what's making it worse is I have absolutely no idea what the heck to do with my life. My current job absolutely sucks but I don't know what else to do where else to go, an I'm like too scared to anyway.. I just feel so completely lost. I just think life's a pointless joke. for like the last at least like 5 years, every day I wake up and just feel sick with like dread that I just don't want to wake up and have to keep going. I just don't want to exist. (I'm too scared of God, dying and eternity to actually knock myself off though)

  4. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    1405 posts
    21 April 2020 in reply to April30

    Hi April30

    It's definitely tough when you're a sensitive person. Feeling so much so often can be overwhelming and definitely exhausting, although there are some benefits to being sensitive, believe it or not (I'll elaborate soon).

    • While it takes some folk a lot to feel oppressed or depressed, some will feel oppression or a depression quite easily
    • While it takes a huge loss for some to feel heartache, others may be sensitive enough to feel ongoing twinges of heartache when loss is a sense that happens everyday (such as with the gradual loss of a sense of self)
    • While some rarely question their direction in life (as they prefer to remain in routine), others are sensitive enough to question all things that lead them away from the life they long for. So much questioning in this case. If no one offers to help find the answers, things can feel pretty confusing and lonely

    I used to think sensitivity was a weakness, during my years in depression, based on society labeling it as a weakness. It's not until recently that I've come to realise that sensitivity is more like a compass. I find it interesting how the feelings we experience offer a metaphorical kinda explanation to what can be going on:

    • Say you have a boss who leads you to anxiety. Every time they yell, you can feel your insides start powering up: Heart starts racing, difficulty breathing and a terrible feeling in the throat happens before everything starts coursing toward your head. You could see this as: Your heart comes to life to raise your awareness to the fact that your boss is 'suffocating you', 'choking the life out of you' and 'getting inside your head'. You want to put an end to his behaviour but you just can't and everything starts getting more intense before you suddenly vent 'Stop! You're killing me here!' Now, things start to power down, as you let out a long couple of sighs, exhausting the excess energy that comes with such incredible hyperactivity

    I find it's always important to question my sensitivity, especially if I'm unclear as to why I'm feeling what I'm feeling. If I'm feeling down, I'll always question what or who is leading me to feel down within a particular challenge I'm facing.

    Sensitivity's a skill you obviously have, one to be mastered. It's tough when those around us can't offer us lessons in self-mastery. By the way, is it possible you feel like you're drowning because no one appears to be acting as a 'life preserver'? Finding good life lines can definitely be a challenge.

    :)

    1 person found this helpful
  5. April30
    April30 avatar
    26 posts
    27 April 2020 in reply to therising

    Hey therising,

    Thanks for writing. I don't like being a sensitive person.. Makes me feel like I'm just not a strong enough person..

    haha yeah it sucks no one can teach us self mastery..

    And well I guess I saw this guy I liked as my life preserver. An I used to talk to him about stuff.. But now I've kinda lost him.. So that's making it so much worse. Cause I just wanna talk to him, but I can't. An I can't get myself to get over him..

  6. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2021 posts
    27 April 2020 in reply to April30

    Hello April30

    Firstly I must apologize for not responding to you earlier, I have no idea why your post missed my radar and I am truly very embarrassed to be honest that I have not continued our conversation here.

    I wanted to mention how great it is that you liked the idea of journaling, have you started and how are you going with it, I still to this day find it one of the best ways to get out how I am feeling and to make sense of things sometimes, it really isn't until you see the words or go to write the words that ideas and solutions become obvious. That is what I love about it and I hope this is true for you also.

    I can hear how confused you are with what you are feeling V's what you "should be " feeling V's what your mum says V's what you believe to be true..there are so many angles and avenues with ill mental health and I know alot of people don't want young adults and teens to have to "label" themselves, I just worry in taking that approach we don't do anything, which in my opinion is worse. So what if the diagnosis is not quite right, or a diagnosis changes or so what if you are told you have ill mental health, when you feel stigma towards this..what I am saying is that the treatment and talking and perhaps medication and even the knowledge that someone is listening and considering your feelings and thoughts and trying to make a path for you to feel better, who cares what we label it or call it, as long as it is being addressed and I worry this bit gets missed sometimes by parents and carers as they don't want there child to have to live with a "label"...I would rather that than have to live with the illness untreated..would you agree?

    So I hope that you do consider revisiting the idea of getting some support from a GP or from your school counsellor to start with, what ever helps you to get the ball rolling and make you feel better.

    Great to chat to you again and once again, sorry I missed your post April30.

    Hugs

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  7. April30
    April30 avatar
    26 posts
    22 May 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hey Sarah,

    All good. It's ok, sorry I hadn't replied yet either to be honest I completely forgot about this website haha..

    I had intended to start journaling.. But I haven't. All I want to do is avoid feeling so I couldn't get myself to write about my heartache cause it still hurts so much..

    Yes that's exactly it I think. If you avoid the 'label' and act like nothing's wrong I think it is worse. Yeah I really agree with you. I would have rathered someone tell me I have depression and anxiety and help me deal with it rather than being told I was fine, when I wasn't.. It just made me feel stupid. Woulda rathered the label cause then I could have known I wasn't just being stupid an that it's a real thing. But now cause for some long I felt stupid an like I had to have been making it all up cause apparently I'm 'fine' now even though I know we'll actually I do have anxiety and depression, I can't change the mindset of that I'm just being stupid and making it up and feeling so guilty about it cause that's how I've felt for some many years.

    Yeah I've been going back to the doctor and am trying medication again.. It's hard to know if it's worth it though.. I tried a few different ones a couple of years ago and none of them helped so I gave up on that cause everytime the dr would tell me yeah this one will work, and I'd get my hopes up and then turns out it didn't work and then I'd be more disappointed.. But see how it goes this time I guess..

    I don't know if you'll even see this now its so much later but anyways...

    thanks for your reply

    April

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2021 posts
    22 May 2020 in reply to April30

    Hello April

    I will very much see it and it is great that you are back to have a chat and let us know how you have been doing.

    There is no pressure to start writing, you do it when you feel ready and feel like it will be a help to you. You can also do the yukky writing as I call it, where you do purge all the pain and the anger and hurt and blame and whatever else you want to on the page, to get it out of you. It is an emotional thing to do but I always find I feel a little better afterwards....but you do what feels right for you.

    Feelings are feelings and they are real, I am so very sorry yours have been discounted for so long that you are now having additional feelings of "stupid" and like "it is nothing". You are not stupid and I am just so very happy that you have the support of your GP as well as some meds too, it is a bit of a trial with that and some work and some don't however you never know unless you try and it can be a frustrating game of elimination. Maybe the meds are starting to work in that you do seem positive and you seem like things are on track for you which is great to hear.

    It is really nice to chat some more to you April and we are always here, if you want to chat often or once a year..lol....it is a nice place to get some stuff off your chest and just get a check that things are OK, you are allowed to feel and sometimes that is feeling sad, or lonely or just plain nothing...but there are also times of feeling love and happiness and joy.

    Hugs to you April

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  9. White Rose
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    White Rose avatar
    6313 posts
    22 May 2020 in reply to April30

    Dear April

    Hello and welcome. So sorry to read about your difficulties. It's horrible being told to 'buck up' 'nothing's wrong with you' 'stop being a drama queen'. Heard all these comments. One of the problems others have in even acknowledging someone has a mental illness is because it has been such a taboo subject for so long that very people have any accurate information. For some being depressed means the person should be locked away. Thank goodness we have gone past that.

    I can hear your confusion about how much you imagine and how much is real. I struggle with that at times and find it hard to pull myself out of that particular bog. Once you can recognise what is happening it does become easier. You can get this help from a mental health professional. Have a chat to your GP about being referred to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Ask about costs. Some options work out better than others.

    I see you started on antidepressants (AD) but felt they did no good. AD will not cure depression. Their function is to help you by managing your chemical imbalance. Not being able to think straight at times and being overwhelmed by the confusing messages is almost guaranteed to keep you in your depression. Please try again and this time consider how you feel after about six weeks. Hopefully you will feel more relaxed. Often we feel just as bad because of side effects of the AD. You may need to trial several. The problems will not have gone away. A pill cannot do this. Instead the meds help you to settle and concentrate on how best to work through all your difficulties.

    This is where the psych comes in. Talking about what is happening and your feeling of guilt because you may be making it up and all the other other emotions you experience can be talked about more easily. You may find it easier to start a journal which I have always thought a great tool. Read only by you with no wrong answers or questions.

    It's not an easy journey but you have struggled through this far and reached out for help. That is a tremendous series of steps. It also shows you can persevere which is essential. Never give up hope entirely no matter how hard it seems. I know it sounds trite but the sun will rise tomorrow and you will get through another day. Give yourself treats when you have a good day, more when there is more than one consecutive good day.

    Go for it.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  10. April30
    April30 avatar
    26 posts
    21 June 2020 in reply to White Rose

    Thank you Sarah and Mary for your replies.

    I somehow keep forgetting about this website and not checking it.

    Things are not going great. And I can barely sleep any more or at least I cannot get to sleep for hours.. And it's driving me insane cause I am so tired and I know I need the sleep so bad but I just can't get to sleep. I lie there for ages and think too much about nothing and everything and I try not to think but there's just no distractions when you're just lying there trying to sleep.. I hate it..

    Also the guy I like who forgot me for ages contacted me again a while ago and I was so happy he did an asked if we could hang out an he said sure are seemed really keen but he said he didn't know when he'd be free.. An that he's super busy.. An now it's been a month.. An I feel like if he did actually want to see me he would've found time by now.. But then I dunno, he does do a lot so maybe he honestly just is really busy and doesn't have much spare time.. I dunno.. But it's really hurting me cause I just want to see him..

    I used to talk to him about what's going on but I haven't for ages cause I thought he'd forgot me so I thought maybe I should leave him be. But I really want to just talk to him again cause he said he'd always be there for me.. But now I don't know what to say or whether to talk to him about it all cause Im worried if he'll think I'm tryna get him to feel bad for me so he'll hurry up an hang out with me.. Cause that's not what I'm meaning to do, I don't want him to feel bad for me.. I just want to be able to talk to him.. But I always worry I'm being annoying.. Even though I told him that once and he told me I'm never annoying.. But I still worry that I am.. So I'm scared to talk to him.. But I really want to..

  11. April30
    April30 avatar
    26 posts
    5 July 2020 in reply to Aaronsis
    So I ended up telling this guy how I'm going, cause we are friends and he had always been there for me. But yeah last few months we haven't talked much cause hes too busy.. And this time when I told him how I'm actually going he just ignored it, or well he just didn't reply anyways.. 😭😞
  12. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2021 posts
    5 July 2020 in reply to April30

    Hi April30

    It is hard to manage the thoughts of feeling rejected or like people don’t care when we reach out and don’t get anything back. It is human to think the worst and think that they don’t care, something I have learnt when trying to reach out or seek comfort is that sometimes people don’t know what to do... or say... or are terrified of doing or saying the wrong thing... so they do nothing... which I have found hurts more than if the had of just said they care very much but Have no idea how to help.

    I am so pleased we have places like this to come to get the support and to have people to chat to and simply just listen.

    I am sorry to hear things have not been going well for you. I am wondering how your sleeping has been going and if you are able to get some rest. Also I know you said you don’t want to feel and so writing was really hard. I am wondering if you have been able to revisit this and maybe consider getting some of these things off your chest.

    I hope to chat to you some more and hear how you are going and how you are feeling.

    Huge hugs

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  13. April30
    April30 avatar
    26 posts
    12 July 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,

    Thanks for your reply. Yeah I guess that's true that maybe he just didn't know what to say. He still hasn't said anything an it's been 3 weeks now... I really want to text him again just to talk to him, not even about how I'm actually going or anything.. But I can't decide whether I should or not or if I need to leave him be since he never replied so maybe he just doesn't want to talk to me..

    Sleeping is not going good for me. I take ages to get to sleep cause I just can't get my mind to switch off and I hate it cause I just lie there driving myself insane cause there's no distractions when you're just lying there trying to sleep.

    I just constantly feel sick with I guess worry and dread, all the time. And most of the time i have no idea why so I can never figure out how to make myself feel better or stop feeling sick cause I don't know why I'm so anxious. I can't stand it anymore though I hate it. I hate being like this. And I've been told that since I've tried 4 antidepressants and none of them helped me, that I'm not going to find an antidepressant that helps me now cause it means they just don't work on me.. So that's making me feel even more hopeless cause then what help is there.. But they're gonna trial me on an adhd medication to see if that helps at all... I desperately hope it works I just honestly feel like I can't cope any more.

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