I’ve never posted anywhere like this at all, but it’s gotten to the point where I genuinely feel I have no one else to talk to. I’ve always been too embarrassed to open up to anyone about my mental health and I struggled to even admit it to myself, I guess because I’m scared people will see me differently. Idk what I’m expecting from this, or if anyone will see this or reply, but I’m just going to write out what I’m struggling with because I don’t know what else to do.
I think my ‘depression’ (I’m not diagnosed or anything but idk what else to call it) started after my parents split up. My Dad was emotionally abusive and borderline physical. About a year after the messy, contested, and honestly traumatic divorce, dad repartnered and moved in with his new gf after knowing her for about 2 months and without even introducing her to me, or my little brother or sister. Ive tried to maintain my relationship with my dad even tho I’m the only one who makes the effort and despite having to live with her as a consequence, making that so emotionally straining for me. She yelled at me once when she overheard a conversation between my dad and I about how I was uncomfortable having to live with her, and dad didn’t stand up for me, and I haven’t gone back to their house since. He hasn’t tried to get in contact with me since then. It feels like he’s choosing his new girlfriend over me, his daughter. That moment broke my heart, and he doesn’t seem to care.
I also have literally one close friend. One of my best friends of over 10 years has chosen to cut me off, and my best friend of the past 3 years has decided it would ‘be best if we didn’t see each other one on one.’ These 2 girls have formed a group with a few other girls from my year level that really don’t like me, and it feels like I’m being cut off from my best friends and excluded from a friendship group at the same time. As a result I’m basically completely alone and have no friends.
I have basically no one, but the one best friend I do have also happens to be my ex, who I’ve recently fallen back in love with. I’m so dependant on him for my happiness and it’s so messed up bc no one deserves that. I’m trying to get over him bc he’s made it clear he’s fully over me but how am I supposed to get over someone when they’re the only person I’m spending my time with?
Idk there’s so much more but there’s a character limit and I think I’ve already passed it.
Please help me I don’t know what the point is anymore.