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Topic: I feel very lonely. No one to talk to.

  1. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    13 July 2021
    The family house is being renovated, the floors are being polished and walls painted. My sister has let me sleep in her campervan. Unfortunately and I don’t know why the 240 volt power has died to the campervan, when I told my sister that she had me running around for 20 minutes trying to work out why it isn’t working. In the end she said to me “I thought you knew how to work the van power” I spent a miserable night freezing in the van last night, I have to spend 2 to 3 weeks in the van while work in the house is done and last night was the 2nd one.

    I feel lonely, my sister is up at the Central coast, my mother is in a local nursing home, and my cats are in a cattery while the house is renovated. I came home from work last night and plugged in the microwave from the house to a power point in the garage so I could cook and eat dinner. This morning I got up early and plugged in an old bar fridge, the fridge in the camper is not working and things will start to go off.
    After I ate dinner, I went to bed feeling sorry for myself. I do have a local sister but she has stolen things from the house before, she does not get on with the sister from the Central coast. She has a spare bed that I could sleep in but I do not want to break the ties of the other sister despite the fact she makes me miserable.

    If only I had someone to talk to. I cannot watch television in the van because of the power. I am at work today. This weekend I am looking at a house that I could buy, but I do not know whether I can afford is, the mortgage broker has told me that they have done their due diligence meaning I could afford the house. I feel like I am at the end of my tether with nothing to look forward to.

    I got a lot of worry go around in my head.
  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5707 posts
    13 July 2021 in reply to Slippers
    Hi Slippers, 

    We are so sorry to hear that you are having a tough time with your living arrangements at the moment, it sounds like it is really tough to be living in the van right now. We hope that the power situation improves and that the bar fridge can sort out the food you have right now, good luck!

    It can be so tricky as well to add in family stress alongside the challenges of renovating - well done for doing what you can and for looking into other options while you are waiting for the work to be done. It is also commendable that you are able to keep going in to work while you are experiencing all of this. 

    If you ever want someone to talk to, we are here for you 24/7. You can call us on 1300 22 4636 and one of our team will be ready to chat. We know how hard it can be and we want you to know that you don't have to go through this alone. 

    We can hear that you are feeling at the end of your tether and want to say how brave you must be to share that with us. Thank you for writing on the forums today, you never know who will read this and feel less alone in their own eexperience. 

    We hope that you will keep us updated on how you are going, if you feel comfortable doing so. 

    Kind regards ,
    Sophie M
  3. jtjt_4862
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    jtjt_4862 avatar
    302 posts
    13 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    It breaks my heart to hear that you had to spend the night freezing in a camper van while your house is currently being renovated, and you have a lot of worries going through your mind at the moment. I'm really sorry to hear about that, that's very rough for you...

    Pardon me for asking, as I'd like to know a bit more about your situation. Is the family home your current residential address (you live and sleep in it)? And what is going to happen to your family home once the renovation is complete?

    If there's anything else that you'd like to talk about, I'm happy to listen to you Slippers. You're not alone, and you're doing amazing and strong to be making it this far. Stay strong and keep in touch!

    Jt

  4. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    13 July 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862
    Thank you. I am sitting at my desk struggling to stay awake. Yes my current residential address is where i use to sleep. Once the house renovations are completed the house will be sold. I heard from my sisters last night that they are going to be buying the house. The reason why is that if the house is sold and the money goes to my mother (she is the owner) then she will lose her pension.

    I make 1500 a fortnight after tax; I have done some quick sums and worked out that I will not make ends meet unless I cut back a lot. Food, Netflix and the like, cat food, petrol for the car. I have been making a contribution of $75.00 a fortnight into my super; I am seriously considering stopping that, I think money would be that tight. The mortgage is around $225.00 a week and site fees are around the same amount. I contacted my budget to see if they can help, I hear mixed reports about them and the night I had last night has made me feel like I do not want to talk to them. I know they want to help but I find myself retreating from the world, I guess if I do not hear bad news then things would be okay (but will they)
  5. jtjt_4862
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    jtjt_4862 avatar
    302 posts
    13 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    Thank you for clarifying a bit more of your situation Slippers. Sorry to hear that you're struggling to stay awake at your desk, hope you can get some extra rest today to recover from last night's ordeal. I was wondering if there's someplace around you who might be able to have a look at the 240 volt power generator for you. Or perhaps you could try using an app called Airtasker to find someone local who is able to look into it for you. It's a small price to pay, but will be worth having that comfort in the long run if you'll be living in there for the next 2-3 weeks.

    I can understand your worries and anxiousness on whether you will be able to commit and make ends meet with your current salary. Buying a house is a very big commitment, and can certainly be scary as the commitment is long term. Pardon me for asking, when you mentioned "mixed reports" coming from your budget report, do you mean they have uncertain views about whether you'll be able to afford buying the property? There's also the option of renting which can be considered too.

    Jt

  6. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    14 July 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862
    I hear mixed reports about budget direct and i decided that I didnt want to speak to them last night even after i had booked them in. Yesterday I cancelled my Netflix and Amazon tv accounts.

    Last night was a bit of better night, I found my sisters beaded heat bag and I put that in the microwave for 30 seconds to it was warm I then put that under my dooner so I had a warm bed to get into. I spent about an hour chatting to a friend on Discord about how she saves money doing her grocery shopping; it was good to chat even about mundane things.

    I hear this morning that the NSW premier may extend the lockdown into August; I do not know what that will do to my mental health. I am going out this weekend to look at a house to buy and I will need to take my clothing to a local laundrette to clean since I cannot use the washing machine at home (so close but far). I do not know what I can do with myself to take my mind off everything on the weekend when I am free. All my books, TV, computer are packed away so I cannot use any of them.

    Any suggestions please?
  7. jtjt_4862
    Valued Contributor
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    jtjt_4862 avatar
    302 posts
    14 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    I'm glad to hear that you were able to sleep with a warm bed, and that you had a nice chat with your friend on Discord as well. I was thinking about you yesterday and was hoping that you were able to find better comfort in your camper van last night, so it's a relief to hear that you found your sister's beaded heat bag.

    I read on this news this morning as well about the extended lockdown in NSW that's going to be "harsher than Victoria". Wondering how much harsher it'll be... but that means it's time to unleash some mad creativity to keep busy.

    If you don't mind learning something new, I would suggest picking up drawing. It's a weird thing to suggest, but drawing helps keep the mind occupied, as you observe your surrounding and try to draw things out in different ways. You can try drawing what you see; draw them in simple shapes, try drawing just the outline of the object, put in some weirdness like a quokka popping out of a sink filled with warm bath water. It allows you to express your feelings through visuals rather than words. It costs a sketch book and a couple of pencils to get started with (skip the eraser, you won't need that).

    If you like reading, you could try getting Kindle on your phone, and a couple of books from Amazon. Skip the Kindle Subscription and stick with one-time-purchases on books. Last thing we need is another subscription added to your monthly expenses (plus Kindle subscription doesn't give you access to all the books in Amazon, just a limited selection of it).

    It's great to hear that you chose to cancel your Netflix and Amazon TV accounts, that will save you heaps on the long run, and you can return to them when you're at a better financial position to do so. Might be worth reviewing your monthly expenses again; detailing out every single spending, and see where/how you can make savings. You'd be amazed there are some stuffs that have been overlooked at, and when you make a saving on it, it'll feel great!

    If you need someone to talk to during the weekends, you're always welcome to chat what's on your mind in the BB Forums as well, or mingle with others about mundane things. It's a friendly, warm and supportive forum, and we're always here to listen to you. You're never alone Slippers :).

    Hope you have a pleasant day at work today, and looking forward to chatting with you more!

    Jt

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    262 posts
    14 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    sorry to hear about your loneliness and house/money problems. Do you have many other friends you can talk to?

  9. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    14 July 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    Because of the lockdown I didnt think I could go and see them. I do have a computer but it is packed up in the garage.
  10. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    14 July 2021
    I have reached out to my company EAP for help as well. I sent them this message.

    The family house is being renovated, the floors are being polished and walls painted. My sister has let me sleep in her campervan. Unfortunately the 240 volt power has died to the campervan, I spent a miserable night freezing in the van last night, I have to spend 2 to 3 weeks in the van while work in the house is done and last night was the 2nd one.

    I feel lonely, my sister is up at the Central coast, my mother is in a local nursing home, and my cats are in a cattery while the house is renovated. The family home is being sold to pay for Mum’s room in the retirement room. I have found a place on the Central coast close to family that will accept cats, the mortgage and fees are approx. $930.00 a fortnight and I am paid $1500.00 after tax. I feel like I am being forced into a situation I have no control over. The threat of the family home being sold has made me make decision I do not like. Coupled by the fact of the lockdown in NSW due to Covid I have no one to speak to and my tv, booked and computer are locked away in the garage prior to moving and while the house is renovated. I have worked for company ******** 20 years this September and the idea of having little to no money left over after all the bills and food are done scare me.
  11. jtjt_4862
    Valued Contributor
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    jtjt_4862 avatar
    302 posts
    14 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    May I say, you've done well in reaching out to your company's EAP for help. I hope they'll be able to provide you the assistance and counselling that you need for your situation. And my apologies for misunderstanding your financial situation. I mistook $225 a week as your mortgage and fees. It really sucks that NSW has gone into extended lockdown, and as a Victorian who have been thru lockdowns, my sympathies goes to you and fellow Australians in NSW to have to go thru a lockdown... Stay strong and you'll make it through!

    I've been thinking, you mentioned the word "Discord", is it right for me to assume you're a gamer as well? If you are, wanna share what kind of games you play? And if you have any hobbies that you do during your spare time? Would love to hear what things you're interested in :)

    Jt

  12. LJpd81
    LJpd81 avatar
    222 posts
    14 July 2021
    Just wanted to say that I think you're brave for reaching out on here. Senfing hugs. Always support here on the forum. I think talking on here is good thing.
  13. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to LJpd81
    Thank you. I am using the forums as my voice; I got no one at home to talk to :(
    Tonight I am off to BCF to buy a sleeping bag, something that will handle a less than zero temperature. Last night again I tossed and turned half the night. I am not sure whether it was because I was cold or the dark thoughts going through my head. I feel like I will be suffering from monetary depression if I buy the place on the Central Coast, mortgage is $450.00 a fortnight and site fees are about the same. Getting paid $1500.00 a fortnight does not leave a lot left over and I have not even looked at power, water or natural gas costs. I am seriously thinking of buying something cheaper but I know my sister will be angry that I did not move up close to her. When I see the owners of the Central Coast property, I will ask them about site fees and if it is as dear as I think, it is I am going to tell my sister that I cannot afford it. There are some places up at Mount Druitt or St Mary’s that would be better money wise.
    1 person found this helpful
  14. jtjt_4862
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    302 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    Hopefully the site fees aren't as dire as you thought, but if you feel more comfortable buying something cheaper (and your finances are in favor of it), I'm sure your sister would understand your situation if you spoke to her about it. After all, they can't control which property you must buy, and can only advise what their thoughts/expectations are. It's your money, so you have all the power to decide which property you want to buy.

    Stay Strong :)! You go this.

    Jt

  15. UltimaMic
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    UltimaMic avatar
    24 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    I think at least you are doing the right thing budget wise - look at your inflows and your outflows- cut back on non-essentials- I also keep a tight budget... many others I know do too. (I will admit that you can access food support from Foodbanks if your bills too high for groceries - I have used them a couple of times and am grateful for their support) Get rid off all subscription services - that is good! especially because you will be moving around. The only thing I think is important is your phone/internet subscription - because that is how many of us stay connected these days.

    Sounds like you know some people that you can reach out too electronically while the lock-down is on. That's a plus. I and many others are doing the same. I too feel a bit down at these lock-down times. As one of the others mentioned try to find something to keep you occupied - read books, drawing, gardening (you mentioned the renovated house going to be sold so is the garden looking ok?)

    You are going through a process of moving so ensure you can plan - a timeline can help us keep in perspective - you are heading to a new future - new possibilities. Change is hard but if we plan well we can manage it day by day.

  16. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to UltimaMic
    I just texted my other sister, the one who has stolen from the house before. I wanted to go and see her. She is the eldest of all four and does not get on with my other two sisters. I really hate being alone at nights and the weekend is really going to suck I believe. Do you think I should tell her what is going on knowing that she'll probably tell the entire world and my other two sisters will hear back and get angry (angrier) with me
  17. jtjt_4862
    Valued Contributor
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    302 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    I'm curious to know, when you mention "stolen from the house before", was it something very valuable that she stole from the house? And also would like to hear about why you fear your sisters might get angry at you for telling her about wanting to buy a cheaper house at a slightly further location? It's okay if you don't feel like answering those questions. Just wanting to know a little bit more about your situation, and want to assure you that this is a safe place for you to talk about anything that's on your mind.

    Jt

  18. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    15 July 2021
    When we were clearing out Mums bedroom there was 4 piles of stuff, one for each of the kids. Things that my other two sisters that they'd put on their pile my eldest sister reported stole it. I just realised that my sister lives in another government area, so I arent going to be able to see her on the weekend. I think I could tell her whats going on with me still?
  19. jtjt_4862
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    302 posts
    15 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slipper,

    Thank you for sharing that. I'm sorry to hear about it... Perhaps it's still worth letting her know that you want to look for a cheaper property to purchase, mainly because you're not in a good financial situation to be buying the one that you had initially planned. Hopefully your sister will understand, and she may even support you in your decision to do so. But I'm still unsure what sort of person your sister is, so I can only hope she'll understand your situation and support your decision. Was it your eldest sister who lent you her campervan for you to stay in?

    Jt

  20. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    16 July 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862
    I got my new sleeping bag last night, it has a minus 9 rating so I was warm last night. I found out from my eldest sister that the other two sisters are going to buy the house then rent it out. When my eldest sister asked about where I am going to be they said he's going to get a house on the central coast and he wouldnt be able to afford the rent at home anyway. It makes me feel like I am being treated by dirt, the two sisters are more interested in their bank statements then their own brother. I contacted the owner of the village that I was going to buy in and ask them for a copy of the contract of sale. If I have a copy of it does it mean that i am going to go ahead and buy. I honestly am sizing my options. I dont beleive i am going to afford the place at the central coast so its either somewhere cheaper or renting. I am suspicious that once Mum dies that I wont see any money from family house sale (even though the house may have already been sold two to five years previous by this time)
  21. jtjt_4862
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    16 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    It's good to hear that your sleeping bag kept you warm last night. That's a really good move, hopefully it'll continue keeping you warm and comfortable.

    Sorry to hear about your family's situation, and how you feel like you're being treated like dirt by your two other sisters. You could try requesting for the Contract of Sale, but so long as nothing is signed, you won't be committing to the purchase at all. To the property agent, when asking for Contract of Sale, they would feel that you're serious about buying the property. If they do pressure you to make the purchase, remember that the ball is in your court, you have all the power to decide whether that property will be purchased by you or not.

    1. If buying at the Central Coast is not financially viable for your current situation, I feel your options would be:
      Explain to your sisters about your financial situation, and see if they are able to assist you.
    2. Significantly reduce your monthly spendings to be able to afford the Central Coast property (but I feel you've already done as much as you can to reduce your spendings)
    3. Look for a cheaper property
    4. Renting a property
    5. Negotiate with your sisters to rent you the family home at a lower rate

    Checking in on you today as well, how are you feeling today? Is there anything that's on your mind that you'd like to talk about? Always here to listen to you Slippers, and you're not alone my friend.

    Jt

  22. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    16 July 2021
    (Typing this with tears in my eyes) - and the flood gates of things flow forth.

    I feel like I am a hopeless situation, I feel like this is mostly my fault and I should’ve bought something 20 to 30 years ago not when I am almost 50. I fear that if I do rent that I will never be able to buy something I can call my own ever. I hate that I can’t use the house like I want to, it’s beginning to no longer feel like home with all the changes made to it. I miss my two cats and I know they are stressing being in a foreign place to them at the local pet store. I fear that if I do rent that I will not be able to bring my two cats with me, they mean the world to me. I fear that once the lockdown will end that my sister will take the campervan back home and I will have nowhere to sleep at night. I hate that the campervan has two metres of room inside that I can sit and watch videos on my laptop.

    On the upside I went shopping last night and bought myself a bottle of cola, I know it is bad for me but it lifted my morale and it tastes good. I also bought some cheap tinned pasta so I can eat food and go to bed with a full tummy. Frozen meals in a box are okay but they do nothing for my morale. I slept pretty good and was happy that I had bought my new sleeping bag, I forgot to wear socks to be ( I normally do) and my feet woke me up once or twice. I reached out to friends and told them that I was sleeping in a camper van hoping that in a round a bout way one of them would offer for me to stay with them even for just a short while. I hate being in the camper by myself. I got a book to read on the weekend and plan to go for a walk as well. I hope that the painters would be in the house on the weekend and I can sit in there during the day watching videos.
  23. jtjt_4862
    Valued Contributor
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    16 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    Sending you some warm hugs. You've done incredibly well making it this far by yourself. While things did not turn out the way you wished for it to be, and with the fear of what the future holds, you still persist and have the strength to keep going on. For example, like when all hope seems to be lost from the dead 240v Generator in your camper van, you thought of an alternative and got yourself a sleeping bag that kept you warm. Or when you feel you couldn't afford the Central Coast home and was struggling to make financial plans for it, you came up with the option of buying somewhere cheaper that is more friendlier to your financial status. Whatever obstacles is in your way, you're more capable in handling them than what you think. I'm really proud of you Slippers.

    I feel, financials are more important than age, when it comes to purchasing a property. Though, it'd be worth considering whether it's worth buying a property now at where you are in life (almost 50). By that I mean, think of what you'd like to do during retirement, whether you'd like to live in a retirement home or an actual house. The benefits to your financials for renting now rather than buying a property with monthly repayments for the next 30 years. There are apartments that do allow pets in, but can be quite challenging and limited.

    It's okay to treat yourself to something nice (and sweet) once in awhile. You've been through a lot of challenges, and have made it out of them well. So a small reward to yourself for the achievements you've done is definitely good for morale, and you really deserve the reward. Hopefully someone would offer you a place to stay temporarily (if not, doesn't hurt to ask if it's okay for you to stay with them for a short while, the most would be that they'd say no, and we'll have to respect their decision).

    You're doing really well Slippers. Happy to chat with you more (even just mundane things too). How old are your two cats by the way, and what breed are they?

    Jt

  24. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    16 July 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862
    My two boys, Parker a tabby who is about five years and Gus a black and white who was a stray but had since joined the family he is about 3. I could go and visit them at the pet store but I dont think I should, they'll think their coming home. The pet store said that they would ring if there are any problems or health issues.
    1 person found this helpful
  25. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    16 July 2021
    My eldest sister just rang me. She received a photo from my other sister and it indicates that someone is at the house. I am at work and my eldest sister calls me to ask me how I am. She suggested that we get the locks changed on the doors and that she has seen a solicitor, because it has been the family home all my life I cannot be thrown out. I dont have any fight left so i told her no, dont get the locks changed. I just dont know anymore
  26. jtjt_4862
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    16 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Hi Slippers,

    I'm sorry to hear that your situation just got slightly complicated. When you say that someone is at the house, do you mean trespassers? I can see why your elder sister is speaking with a solicitor, since the house belongs to your mom. If the title of the house belongs to your mom, she would be the rightful decision maker of the house, and your other sisters wouldn't have any rights to sell the house unless your mom authorizes them to. I'm not sure what implications would there be if the locks were changed... Is it possible for you to speak to your mom about this matter?

    I'm really sorry for not being of much help to you on this matter. I hope perhaps by speaking with your mom, she might be able to shed some light into this matter. Wouldn't be a bad idea to visit your cats too to remind them that you're still here for them :).

    Thinking of ya Slippers, stay strong! And happy to chat more with you.

    Jt

  27. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862
    Jt you are as well as others hear chatting to me are helping me more than you know. I live in the Canterbury Bankstown local government area, in the past hour I heard the news that the NSW premier has put this LGA and two others into total lockdown unless you are an emergency health worker till the end of the month. To talk to someone is of great importance to me. My two boys at the pet store must be missing me greatly, i know I miss them a lot. So to have a
  28. jtjt_4862
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    17 July 2021 in reply to Slippers

    Heya Slippers,

    It's certainly unfortunate and sad to hear about what's happening in Sydney. The news reported that a tighter restriction, one that's tighter than Victoria ever had, is going to be put onto Sydney. I hope everything will be okay for you and the other Sydney people as well... I'm sure your two boys are missing you as well, they'll be alright under the care of the shop keeper while you're busy with some important matters. How did your Saturday go?

    Jt

  29. Slippers
    Slippers avatar
    50 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862
    I found out much to my annoyance that the kitchen and bathroom will be ripped out as well; I guess it will be replaced with something new. I feel like I have been either forgotten or an annoyance to my sisters being in this house (I would say living but I don’t think I am living life like I should be)

    Also we have ceramic pots in the garage, my sister rings me the other day and asked me to get them out for her. She know that they’ve been packed away at the back of the garage and I am going to have to move a lot of things to get to them, and I didn’t pack everything in front in the first place (sigh). It is as if she is trying to give me jobs around the house knowing I am here, I am working from home.

    Today I have my first online session with a psychiatrist; we spent an hour going over the fears and concerns I have. The feeling that I have lost my spark and any fun in life. I hope in the next weeks that I can build a plan on how to go back to these things again. In addition, I would be able to stand up to my sister and not just do what she wants worried that I would lose her even though she can make me miserable. There I am thinking (am I weird) but he brought out a book that he will send to me so I can read it over the next week. Therefore, there must be others in my situation too.

    I recognise that I need help and I am not afraid to ask, just I don’t know how to move forward
  30. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    5707 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Slippers
    Hi Slippers, 

    It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, we are sorry that you are not feeling your best right now while you deal with it all. It is wonderful that you have been able to be so honest with your psychiatrist  and that you are building a plan together. 

    If you feel like you need help, but not sure where to turn, you can always call us to talk through these feelings on 1300 22 4636. We are here to help you, you don't have to go through this alone. Our friends at Lifeline 13 11 14 are also brilliant. 

    It is so wonderful that you are able to share how you are feeling here on the forums and we really hope that you can continue to post. We think that by sharing your story others that feel the way you do can feel less alone. Thank you for supporting the community in the way that you do, it is incredibly valuable. 

    Kind regards, 
    Sophie M
    1 person found this helpful

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