i used to be really good at hiding or pushing away my feelings; i was able to present as the sweet, calm, introverted and compassionate person i am at my core even when i was at rock bottom. but recently (past few months) i've been very irritable and bitter and impatient during depressive moods. it makes me snap at the people over the smallest and dumbest things, but then the anger is followed by a wave of self hatred for not keeping myself together and for making my loved ones feel bad (usually my bf).
i used to think that the cause was the negative energy from my father's house. i live between houses and used to spend 50/50 between my mum and dad. my dad's household is really negative, and i tend to get stressed and anxious and overwhelmed there, which was why i thought it was the cause of my out bursts. im sure it was/is a big factor, but now i am living at my mum's house majority of the time, only visiting my dad for the weekend every couple of weeks since im busy with year 12 and online learning, and i still find that when i get into depressed moods i become very sensitive and bitter.
maybe its a good thing that i'm becoming more emotional and expressive, maybe feeling angry rather than numb is a sign of progress. but i don't like not having control over my feelings, i don't like hurting the people i love, and i want to be who i am at my core. do you guys have any suggestions, tips or techniques on how to be more proactive when it comes to negative and hostile emotions? what to do when i feel such emotions arise?
thank you !!