I think a lot of what I am feeling now and the state I am in, has been caused due to work related stress.
My department is the most undervalued out of all departments in the organisation yet the most knowledgeable and busiest. Even though I have been told I am lucky to have a job during this tough time, I question myself if that indeed true when I find myself in current state- wanting to be alone and wanting to cut everybody that’s close to me off but in fact, I want them to help me in whatever way possible to make me feel better.
Anyway I just wanted to let it all out here because I don’t know if I could even share these feelings to my closer circle of people. I cannot stand them saying everything is going to be okay when I don’t see any helpful suggestions, if any from them. I have appreciated their kind words and being caring but now, it only triggers me to feel... kind of upset.
Maybe they don’t know how to help me other than just telling me they are there to help if I ever needed but that’s what I hate about..
My friends and my boyfriend keeps telling me to reach out if I need help but I don’t see the points. They haven’t been in my shoe so they cannot understand what I am going through and their positivity bothers me. I am being very bitter and passive aggressive and my gp didn’t take this seriously when I last visited her asking for advice early this week.
Inside my head, there are too many thoughts just fighting each other. The noises in my head are so noisy to the point I am getting physically symptoms like severe earache and headache. People say is it just a job but I take my career very seriously and not being able to control things in the business to make necessary changes over time broke me.
My colleague and I both cried out of anger and frustration and every little task can now trigger me to get worked up and cry in a second.
I need help but dont know what could help me.