I'm just venting on here and maybe looking for some advice
I feel like my life no longer has meaning or purpose. I have felt like this for a while, and while I have sought help everyone has told me that this feeling is normal. I'm still living with my parents, and they have largely made decisions for me about my career path and studying, and I have gone along with them probably because I was unable to think of or suggest any alternative. I am concerned this could be due to depression or anhedonia.
I feel I am stuck in a cycle which I feel has had horrific results. I have spent the last two years doing multiple full time degrees at once and while I have mostly done well in these I have worked long hours every day to get all the work done. I know didn't want to do this at all but felt like I didn't have a choice because of my parents, who have come across as aggressive and controlling. I have felt scared to confide in them, and I didn't know what I wanted to pursue instead. I've also spent long periods gaming to escape from the world, and because of social isolation. I only have a few friends and they're busy with full time jobs. I also have social anxiety and anxiety in general and get stuck because of the excuses I make because of this. The time at my computer, mostly doing work/assignments, as well as anxiety has caused me to have neck/head injuries, and I can't even walk or turn my head properly without sore or very tight muscles and need to lie down frequently to feel comfortable. I have also recently had a traumatic experience that has made me feel more depressed the last month or so. I think I am also burned out from working so hard.
Now whenever I think of doing anything long-term with my life, I am aware of all the work required to be successful and it puts me off, and I often don't enjoy the activity itself anymore. I think I will pursue something related to music, as I have been performer and composer and did my first degree in music, but lately haven't written or played much due to feeling depressed. Funny thing is, I feel guilty about being unproductive and want to get very good and important/successful at something and live a productive life, but I don't know what or how.
I have been trying to see a psychologist for a while and have gotten multiple referrals from my GP, but they have been on leave and/or haven't answered my calls. I'm hopeful I'll be able to get into see one soon.