Your reply is greatly appreciated and it is comforting to hear that others can appreciate what I am experiencing.
I'm losing and have lost some of my closest friends over this. The anger and lashing out hasn't helped and the brooding over feeling slighted or wronged has been a real weakness of mine. After many years, I've come to realise that my anger is unhealthy with the catalyst being losing my closest friend. I've finally taken the first steps of asking for help with my anger by contacting a psychologist to deal with the pent up anger I've also returned to these forums because it is cathartic for me to "ramble on" and hope that I am 1. Not alone and 2. Find how others cope or not cope with it.
You are 100% correct that it is difficult being vulnerable and being male, it is not something I am accustomed to. I think that is probably part of the problem in that over the years, I've failed to show that vulnerability and the experiences of emotions that I have gone through. While I think I have gone through life changing experiences and had to endure a long road to get to where I am, others think I've just been wasting my life away, not helping myself and not getting help.
I have tried to just dismiss people as not understanding and I do try to give them the benefit of the doubt. But, my greatest annoyance is the dismissive attitude and not being able to appreciate the time it takes to get to certain points. As I said, I've gone from not being able to get out of bed for two years to where I am right now replying to you at 5.30 in the morning on a Saturday because I am up ready to face the day. It has taken many years to get here. I call it progress but friends and family see it as a waste of my life and that isolating myself means I am missing out on what they think I should be doing.
I too am like you, I am blunt, but probably too blunt to a point where people get offended and this doesn't help my relationships. In saying that, I do have two good female friends that I have become close to through this experience. Both I communicate via phone or the internet, one I met only and the other a person is was more of an acquaintance before I got depression but we have become good friends now, even though I don't see her. They are my solace, my default position when I need support or to vent because they don't judge, they listen and understand, especially one because she has similar issues to me.