When the black dog bites, no one is positive (except maybe the dog). I know all about taking things the wrong way and making assumptions about what others mean etc. I am learning, albeit slowly, to be a little more rational but I am fighting a lifetime's experience.
I enjoyed my last working for money job. It was a period of great upheaval during which I left my husband of 30 years, built a house, gained promotions at work, and most of all I discovered I had a brain and I got on with people. I too speak well and I am very used to public speaking and conducting training. The reason I managed this final job so well was the great support I had from most of my colleagues. Oh I forgot, how could I, that I fell into a huge depression a year after I left my husband.
Not a promising set of circumstances. Actually it was dreadful at times but my friends and colleagues were great. I have been discovering ever since that friends really do want to help. Yes I did the same as you, not wanting to bother people, including my family, and then feeling hard done by because no one noticed, or so I thought. So trust your friends and sister.
You have done so much in your life. I have changed jobs a few times, but usually in a similar area. But you changed more than a job, you have changed professions and it sounds as though you did it without a blink.
Please believe us all when we say we do not intend to be patronising. I know it sounds a bit like that when I say we have all been in your shoes in some way or other. A phrase I heard that sums that up is We are all broken. And we are. We are repairing ourselves by ourselves and with the help of others. These others are here on BB and in our workplaces and homes. So trust us to want to help you if we can and we want the best for you.
I do know what it is like to be sidelined. My story is quite long and I will tell you another time. I am running out of word space.
We have regrets when someone we love dies before we express our love. If you want to tell your sister how you feel, why not write her a letter? It is difficult to say the words, especially when we are not used to saying I love you. If I may suggest, write it down, use your computer because it is easier to edit. Then when you are happy with text, copy it onto lovely writing paper or a card, hand written of course, and present it to her. Perhaps a birthday or Christmas or another significant date.
Please chat some more. Jess has the kettle on.