This is my first post so please be nice..
I have a pretty long and complicated mental health history but now as long as I take my medication I’m generally fine and have been for years.
The last year though has been tough. I’m seeing a perinatal psychiatrist for monitoring while my husband and I have been trying to conceive. I’ve changed antidepressants as we thought the old one stopped working. I don’t have any issues with the new antidepressant but I’ve been taking it for about 3 months and I don’t feel any different to before - I’m still depressed despite the medication. My psychiatrist isn’t concerned and doesn’t care when he sees me next.
I’m pretty high functioning and have a good job, I’m the breadwinner, but I’m struggling to work a full week or even a full day. I still meet my KPI’s but I’m worried that’s going to change if I don’t do something. I’ve been WFH and feel like isolated and disconnected and stressed re work. I’m currently pregnant and don’t want to go into the office due to cost and COVID risk. I’m barely excited about having a baby even though we tried for a long time and had fertility treatment. I couldn’t even get excited about getting my bonus which I worked hard for for over a year and is quite the windfall.
I’ve been avoiding my friends and they’ve started to pull away as a result. I generally spend the weekend in bed or on the couch. Chores are ignored and I eat a lot of takeaway. I know I should go out and be more active but this is how I most enjoy living at the moment. Lockdowns are like giving cigarettes to a lung cancer patient, I know it’s bad for me but I can’t help but love it.
I’ve had tonnes of MH treatment before and feel like I know all the strategies they’ll give me. I don’t enjoy talking to people about my problems. I did see a therapist recently but all she wanted to talk about is my history and issues I was treated for many years ago (anorexia and PTSD). I found it insulting and nosy frankly. I no longer have flashbacks, nightmares etc and if anything I’m now overweight.
This post was to ask for advice but it’s turned into a bit of a vent too. What things, other than medication, do you do to improve your depression? How do you work up the motivation to get better?
thanks so much to anyone who reads this and especially those who reply.