Welcome to the Healthy Families forums!

This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own!

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community and have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

  • share on Facebook
  • share on Twitter
  • Print page

Topic: Lost

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Chook3
    Chook3 avatar
    3 posts
    9 September 2020


    I am really struggling atm. I have recently separated from my husband of 20yrs, it was a mutual decision but I am struggling so much, I feel so detached from everything even my own kids, I took on extra responsibility at work at the same time, I have a father who is sick and can no longer drive so my sister and I have stepped up and are doing everything we can for him, I feel like I have lost most of my friends as I am so detached, I will not speak to anyone who is a mutual friend of both me and my ex husband out of respect for him, I do not want anyone to feel like there in the middle so I have stepped back big time. I have minimul support one of my children has ADHD and is very angry atm, I feel like he is blaming me for our separation I feel so detached, so lost, so lonely, I miss my ex husband a lot but I know he doesn't feel the same, I am having a hard time trying to let go, I feel completely deflated, I feel like I do everything wrong and question everything I do and say, I feel like I have gotten to the point where I just am starting to give up because I just can't seem to fix myself, or my kids, I have never felt so alone

  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    3423 posts
    9 September 2020 in reply to Chook3

    Welcome to the forums, Chook3

    We're so grateful that you have decided to reach out to our community today, we know that it is not an easy thing to do but it is so important that you have. We're really sorry to hear that you're struggling with a recent separation right now, which must be especially tough to cope with during this difficult time. We can hear how detached and lonely you must be feeling, but please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk about your thoughts and feelings, and our wonderful community is here to support you through this.

    We understand that these feelings must be really overwhelming, especially if you struggle to open up to others and reach out. But please know that you do not have to do this alone, and support is always available to you. We'd encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. Our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) are also available to you 24/7 whenever things feel like too much to cope with.

    Hopefully a few of our lovely community members will pop by soon to welcome you and offer some words of support and advice. You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.

  3. Sammy_1346
    Sammy_1346 avatar
    1 posts
    9 September 2020 in reply to Chook3

    Hello Chook3,

    First, I want you to know, that you're not alone in this world. It may not feel like it, but you have many people who love you, very very much- you just can't see it. You are a wonderful person, with an amazing life - you raised children, had a long relationship, and I'm sure you have a wonderful family.

    It's always good to look for help, maybe talk to your sister or any close friends about it? And maybe if your children aren't connected, take some time off work to help them, do small things like help with their homework, or build forts with them.

    Always know that their are people here for you, you may not see it. But los and lots of people love you. Have a wonderful day, and i hope you feel better!


  4. Chook3
    Chook3 avatar
    3 posts
    9 September 2020 in reply to Sophie_M
    Thank you Sophie I just feel utterly helpless atm and what I seem to do to fix any problem just isn’t the right thing I will get onto the chat line tonight to talk
  5. Chook3
    Chook3 avatar
    3 posts
    9 September 2020 in reply to Sammy_1346

    Hi Sammy thanks for the reply.. it is really hard atm I don’t have a lot of support apart from my mum and sister.. there helping as much as they possibly can but my mum also has a lot on her plate atm and I don’t want to add any extra stress to her so I have tended to say I’m ok so she doesn’t worry..

    there is so much more to the situation.. my best friend and her husband are also best friends with my ex.. (we were all quite close for a very long time) and now I find it easier to step away and not talk to her about my relationship with my ex or anything that might happen with him as 1 I don’t know if what I’m saying gets back to him and makes it worse And I have a feeling this has happened on more than one occasion, and 2 I don’t want them to feel like there in the middle of it so I have shut right down.. and because we have so many mutual friends I am doing the same with all of them because honestly I don’t know who I can trust incase it comes out the wrong way or it gets back to him so I just don’t.. it’s easier that way so my anxiety doesn’t go through the roof.. I just feel so lost/Lonely

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.

Sign me up