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Topic: ls it healthier to work and live while having depression , or is there a centerlink disability pension, and if so , which is healthier ?

  1. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    27 February 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff and thanks for the thoughts.

    Yeah l actually know quite a bit about the farmers round here bc the place we bought was divided from a farm and over time l'd heard so much of the whole history of the area from neighbors and stuff. This place was 2hrs from here but this guys era would've been around the same periods and man , hell yeah , they worked like we couldn't imagine these days and l could see it anyway all over his property. lt was a gorgeous place now but it would've been bare bush and rock back in his day. 20yrs on you eh , 30 on me so l feel pretty silly now with my thoughts and situation, meeting him.

    l'm sorry though that things have gone downhill for you l suppose that's everywhere to we can't all be blessed with long jeopardy like his. For me it's more the mentally coping side of things is the problem , after everything else.l don't know if l'll rebound from that or for how long if l do or if forcing it might do more harm. l an trying to figure it out and find ways around the harder stressful sides of it though

    Thanks Geoff. and all the best. rx

  2. geoff
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    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    28 February 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hello RX, thanks for getting back to me.

    One thing to know is you can force yourself to rebound but only in one particular situation, it doesn't prepare you to be able to cope with everyday life, for example, if you say to yourself, yes, I'll help this chap out on his farm, it might allow you a couple of hours, but what happens if this time is extended, something you certainly don't want to happen, then you might begin to crumble and start falling apart, this is no fault of yours, you need to credit yourself for being able to help him for a couple of hours.

    This maybe better than a few months ago, where all you wanted to do is sleep, overcoming this illness won't and can not be rectified in a single day, but it is possible to begin this one day at a time.

    Take care.

    Geoff,

  3. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    28 February 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi again Geoff and nah thank you mate, your help and thoughts experience around the forum is so appreciated and helpful.

    lt's weird how things go l never would've dreamed even a yr or two back l'd be feeling like this with work. lt was my savior really l'd even thought l'll be happy to work yrs yet had my system and it al actually help me if anything. And one part of it l loved was taking off across state any which way to pick up jobs but strangely now that's the one part l don't wanna do any more. l could just have them picked up but it's bite into profit margin so much can't bring myself to do it same with taking on a casual. l've found a way of cutting the travel part back about 60% though so that's a big start.

    l know what you mean though reserves are physically n mentally so low that if we have to force things past that yeah , it only bites later, last yr took soooo much , on top of crazy corona my daughter was going through a lot , my gf' was going through a lot , just feel drained now on top of the last 7 8 yrs.

    My gf reckons l should just go on with my job it's got great perks and hrs and l'm my own boss answer to no one, l dunno , she is right though def in those ways. Scanning for other things but going into something else and the scanning is so unsettling and taking up other needed energy reserves so damned if l do or don't.

    rx

  4. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    28 February 2021 in reply to randomx

    Funny geoff here's one for ya.

    The guy here we use to get to fix our computers works at home in this little shed out the back. You could imagine , full of computers wall to wall there's usually 5 or 10 screens on running all over the place where he'll be installing things on all of them all at once and other computers opened up with all the nasty bits all over the benches .

    He's 75ish l'd say and been a pc tech 40yrs. l'd think how could his mind cope with all those numbers and programs 40yrs and doing 5 or 10 computers at once day in day out. l'd be insane long long ago. He was telling my anddd , he goes down to melbourne and even up to sydney 2 or 3 times a mth for parts and different computers and supplies. l've passed him on the road 6 or 7 at night on his way back , his sw jammed full of computers to the roof in the back .

    Amazing isn't it. Gf's son is a programmer only 29 but the toll on his health has been huge he's got all sorts of of problems and he wants to get out of it,

    rx

  5. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    3 March 2021 in reply to randomx

    Had to pick up another job yesterday it wasn't that far about 100k ea way but a 9hr day and pretty stressful.

    l know l've said but it's just strange the way one of my fav parts of my job has turned into dread and anxiety but l just suddenly feel past it , as if l can't do it anymore. A few have talked about the toll of this last rona yr and for me added to that have been the stresses of what my d's been going through plus my gf's hassles , maybe it's just temporary and from the whole deal , l can't tell, that's a lot of stresses but l just feel past it atm , worse , as if l can't do it anymore , and l def right now couldn't see it into next yr or later..l've only got one more trip to do thurs if l'm upto it or else l could put that off until next wk , we see but then that'll be all then for 6mths or more, so l'll see how l feel just being back on the job at home without all that.

    l use to also deliver some jobs bc l enjoyed that too although that was also stressful too but l've for starters now completely done away delivering this yr and that should make a huge difference alone. lf l can't get on to some centerlink thing or go through what it'll take which l can't then going on yesterday l might have to take a profit margin hit and do away with picking jobs up too but that could be one way of keeping on with things unless my mojo just naturally returns once everything from this last yrs blown over.

    l dunno , just thoughts. l talk about these amazing people l meet but meanwhile l dunno how l'll get through another yr tbh

    rx

  6. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    4 March 2021 in reply to randomx

    Finished the second trip today , it was a bit how it use to be even though l was tired as hell/. Nice area though and l really enjoyed going back over there again. At anyrate probably won't be any more trips for 6mths or so now so l can hopefully get my bearings about everything for awhile now and take it from there.

    rx

    2 people found this helpful
  7. Lillylane
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    9 March 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi RX,

    Thanks for starting this thread. It’s been really interesting reading through people’s experiences.

    I started a new job this week that came up quite out of the blue.

    Honestly, I’m struggling... Have felt like crying at times. But I guess I have to push through that and keep going.

    I prefer to work than not work. I just don’t know if I’m in the right area/industry or not. Most people seem settled in their jobs by my age (early forties). But I have the worst case of imposter syndrome ever. Have had time away having kids and now that they’re at school I’m hoping I can sort myself out this year.

    I need to vent I guess. Thank you for listening.

    Lillylane

  8. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    9 March 2021 in reply to Lillylane

    Hi lillianna thx for that , and come here and vent away anytime ok , it's all helpful.

    lt's nerve racking as hell starting a new job l know , well l remember from the days way back when. Hope you settle in ok , give it time hey . At least your through the hardest part , that first day.

    But yeah what your actually doing is a huge part of it to l reckon but depends on what we need in a job. For example the old farmer l met obviously loved what he did , and it showed all over the property as l drove in . For me what l do l wouldn't say is my dream job but it does combine a lot of things l really enjoy if l must work and that are important to me now , none the less though , and that really really helps for sure. Only today l just started on the work side of things with the latest and first job for the yr, l work at home . And it was funny l was thinking about the thread and what it's about on and off and as l first went out and started doing a bit, l really just felt like going back to bed tbh. lt felt daunting , and with the way l've been feeling l just didn't know this morning if l could even start it let alone get through it , it'll be about a 6wk job give or take. But by this afternoon l was actually enjoying work again , the way l usually would've up until this last 6mths and by tonight l was actually looking forward getting stuck into it from here and exited about the design and layout , even looking forward to doing more on a start with it tomorrow now.

    But at the same time though l was also feeling tired and well aware that l dunno how long l'd be able to keep doing it for , l'll have to this yr but unless my spirits pick up l wouldn't be too sure about getting through the next or on from there mentally.

    We all need and get different things from our work though and it might not matter to you from here that your not doing your dream job. maybe it's the social outlet , out of house outlet, money, the hours , the feeling , who knows for each person . But if it gives you some or most or what you need from a job , personally l think that's all that matters unless a person has a burning need to do or get into this or that l don't myself these days l've done those , now l just need something that gives me what's important to me these days.

    Good luck anyway eh , hope you start enjoying things .

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  9. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    14 March 2021 in reply to randomx

    Well , about a mth into this new yr back now for me. Unfortunately the first few wks in panned out way more stressful and far more work than it'd usually be and the way l'd normally start a new yr it was a bit of a bumpy one. So bc of the way l've been feeling it took about 6mths out of me already and l'd only just begun. But anyway it's settled down and l'm all organized now and finally into my usual kinda back at home work routine thk God.

    So this last wk or so have been back to riding on the beginning of the new jobs wave which is my fav part it's a really nice part of the work and l still get a kick out of it , few wks in though and you've gotta start knuckling down then and that's the next part l know l'll be really feeling , am already at the thought.

    Been working it out though and if l don't go the doctors and centerlink thing, the worst of the two evils for me , then l'd have to keep this going another 3 or 4 yrs yet unless a box full of money falls outa the sky, probably not too likely eh. But then something coming through should put me into a position then to just be able to stop and not work if l still wanted to, and tie me over until l could get the pension later on .

    Sooooo, it looks like best case l keep at it for awhile yet.The only other way l can come up with is l've got a cabin on an ac , don't own my house here but the cabins payed off and rented out. Property prices have spiked up here though with all the carona stuff , could sell at a pretty good price right now , and live of that. Not sure if that's a good move though. lt doesn't rent out for much, 8k a yr it's only tiny but it's free and clear and part of my income and helps a lot. So yeah alternatively if l sold it , l lose that 8k py forever and that'd come in really handy later when l do stop working- and l'd still own the property .

    Tough call , so it's either work another 3 or 4 yrs and keep that or alternatively sell it . l'd sorta like to keep it though, and the income instead.

    A box of money out of the sky would be so much easier than all this.

    rx

  10. Lillylane
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    14 March 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi RX

    Thanks for your kind words. It does help to vent.

    I’m glad there are still aspects of your job you enjoy. I know what you mean though about feeling daunted and tired at times.

    It’s understandable to be disappointed with the money not coming through as you’d expected. I hope you’re doing ok.

    I survived my first week of the new job and I’m trying to keep my mind in a good space to push through the fear and just keep trying.

    I kind of wish I’d had this job 10 years ago when my circumstances were a bit different.

    Life really throws some curve balls doesn’t it.

    Lillylane.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    15 March 2021 in reply to Lillylane

    No worries at all and your through your first wk , big congrats. Do you like it , the people , the place , work , how are you feeling about it all?

    10 yrs ago yeah right , it is ironic isn't it , bloody life can do anything l'm literally scared of the word never.

    But anyway yeah that money was a real kick in the head l can tell ya, it had such a psychological impact. lt'll be 3 or 4yrs now , no dates as yet naturally l'm hoping 3ish right now.

    On other stuff , here l go again l think life must be trying to tell me something l haven't come across so many older working people all within a few wks , ever let alone farmers , it's kinda weird. But today l bumped into the daughter of the older farmer from next door to our old place. We had one ac with this big farm next door. He was well in his 70s then must be 80ish now . We use to hear about all kinds of locals when we moved there , l get the same here it's pretty funny sometimes but apparently this old rascal owned 6 farms and still worked 7days a wk. 70s , isn't that incredible stuff well , his daughter said he still is , wt ???

    l think l better go and stand in the corner hang my head in shame.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  12. geoff
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    15298 posts
    15 March 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi RX, funny you mention about this 75 year old chap, my 8 year old granddaughter had to fix my son's computer, I don't know what was wrong but said Dad I can fix your laptop for you.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  13. randomx
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    2764 posts
    15 March 2021 in reply to geoff

    Ha what a classic Geoff, lucky dad .

  14. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    17 March 2021 in reply to randomx

    Well , all my trips are done for at least 6mths and l'm back into my normal routine just working at home now.

    Yaknow , if the mind and mh is on a good or reasonable keel , it is a pretty good bloody job and life work wise once your organized for awhile and it does blend in really well with the way and hours l like to live l must admit. l still can't see the future though, like on an on next yr and next next next next ,or the will.

    l feel like well alright , if l must l must right now and if l must it's not bad at all as far as jobs go , but never the less the thought of much longer and l just don't feel it doable. l can keep it together for now though.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Lillylane
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    18 March 2021 in reply to randomx

    I’m glad to hear that your job suits the way you like to work and that for now you’re doing ok.

    MH challenges can take up energy. I somehow have to work out a way to pace myself better so that I’m not burned out by midday. And then my mind seems so slow, and more likely to miss things.

    The people I work with are lovely. I feel like a shadow of my former self and that my skills don’t match up to theirs. Guess I just have to keep trying my best to improve.

    My Plan B is to study (in a completely different field in mid year.

    I wonder if anyone reading has experience of changing careers or starting over, or studying, in their forties or later?

    I love to work and throw myself into it, but I’m not sure I’ll ever feel confident in the job I’m in.

  16. Lillylane
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    18 March 2021 in reply to Lillylane

    Had a better day today and it’s helped me feel more hopeful. It’s hard to push through the rough days and believe there will be good days as well.

    Lillylane

    1 person found this helpful
  17. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    18 March 2021 in reply to Lillylane

    Hi lilly , that's nice to hear good for you. l mean you haven't been at it long of course the others will be more advanced , time time , if your interested enough to stick at it it'll get far better over time.

    But yeah nice question l hope people drop in and talk about their situations l'd be really interested too. Have seen bits and peaces of some.

    40s , oh hell yeah , many people change course even much older. They say now the average will be 3 or 4 times through the working life.

    I was early 40s when l started this business. Before that something else 13yrs , before that something else a bit similar to what l do now , but not the same , 12yrs. l tried a few other things at the time too early 40s, before l found this one. l was also gonna do a course in something completely new but changed my mind on that one.

    l do envy those people that have been all nice n safe and settled in the one career right through, but it didn't go that way for me.

    Anyway , it hasn't been long for you then at this one hang in there hey until you decide , good luck.

    rx

    3 people found this helpful
  18. Cee123
    Cee123 avatar
    119 posts
    19 March 2021 in reply to randomx
    I checked the Centrelink website for claims to disability, from what I saw depression wasn't even listed there. And/or depression and anxiety were classed as temporary illnesses. Which I think is BS. I have days where I can't even function due to depression and anxiety. And I've had this for years and years. Nothing temporary about that! So if that's not a disability I don't know what is. I think it's stupid they are putting more and more people with depression and anxiety onto the jobseeker because they are not classed as "disabled enough", because there are many like me who can't get out of bed at times or can't even leave the house a lot of days and suffer with anxiety in public and around people and having to look for jobs further aggravates that.
  19. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    19 March 2021 in reply to Cee123

    Thanks gee and yep l agree.

    l think it's bloody terrible people like this are forced to try and work nd l tell you what it must force parts of society into the depths of such despair . lt did me some yrs back , and for awhile there l really didn't think l would get through it . l did try them at the time and it was a nightmare l just couldn't deal with , and yeah from what l remember every 3mths l would have to relive it and go through it all again for the next 3mths. There are some here that have something worked out with centerlink , not sure if they're a perminate ongoing thing or a 3mth to 3mth thing.

    So how do you get buy then , not on Centerlink or ?

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Cee123
    Cee123 avatar
    119 posts
    20 March 2021 in reply to randomx
    Hi randomx.

    For the past 10 years, I've just been living with my family and living on the savings I had built up from when I was working in my early 20s. But now that's basically run out, and I've only just signed up with Centrelink again. And already I'm feeling like I cant handle it and just want to dig a hole and bury myself.
  21. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    20 March 2021 in reply to Cee123

    Yeah right , well good luck anyway eh.

    l've got a mortgage and costs so for me it's either work Centerlink or live in a car.

    l must admit though in many ways l've thought that's a good thing bc it does give you reason and purpose , and l make kinda targets for myself and stuff too so there's more of it in those as well. lt also all kinda motivates me into life and doing things too. And l can buy things and spend money , that's bloody nice to bc on centerlink with my mortgage and bills , surviving , there'd be nothing left and none of that so.

    Tbh , l'm really hearing what many are saying here and around in that not working they feel like they don't have that purpose and probably not much of the other stuff either soooo, maybe working for me is a good thing, for now anyway. Juries still out but just having started back this last mth , which l actually felt like getting back into it. l'd just had a few mths off and must admit , atm l am quite enjoying it and the feelings and things that come from being back at it again , even the routine.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Yolzy
    Yolzy avatar
    3 posts
    31 March 2021 in reply to Cee123
    It’s under table 5 Mental Health. Try looking it up in google
  23. Yolzy
    Yolzy avatar
    3 posts
    31 March 2021 in reply to randomx

    I wish I was my own boss! 😝

    What type of job do you do?

  24. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    1 April 2021 in reply to Yolzy

    Hi yolzy

    How about yourself do you have to work and whathaveyou , how are you finding things ? l dpn't like to say too much bc there might be someone here l know and l'd rather stay anonymous as no one really knows about my mh struggles , or should l say wants to know , well apart from gf. But probably a little bit tucked away in here's ok . l buy sell rv's and campervans and bc l'm home based l have no over heads so l only have to do 2 or 3 a yr gets me by. Met a guy once in depression so he'd had a lot of time off but he use to buys/ sells small planes for a living and we talked about all this stuff and struggles of keeping the mh under control. Then l didn't see him for 12 mth but last time l did he tells me he was going back to work and he'd just bought his first plane, apparently he usually bought and sold 2 or 3 a yr , well he was a different person it was all over him. He was all exited his personality had come back and he had some spring in his step again , it was his first plane in 3 yrs or so but after seeing him that day and the difference in him l hoped that one went well and he got back into it . Haven't seen him since, 2yrs now lost contact with him , often think of him though and wonder how he's going. He still had about 12yrs working life left too so there was a lot of living he could do if he found his way back. Well for him and seeing that time the good it did him after he'd just bought his first plane again for the yr yeah , it's stuck in my mind ever since , really hope he's back on his feet mentally and with life. rx

  25. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    1 April 2021 in reply to randomx

    Weird isn't it. Even though l've read all these studies and ranted the results of hw good it is for us to keep moving , working , living , l still don't feel like l can handle even one more yr right now. Tried to talk myself gack but it ain't working so far and l know myself well once l start losing heart or mojo with something it doesn't return. Damn , but l tried.

    What l don't understand is that just 12 mths ago or abouts l was just saying to gf l'd quite happily work until whenever l enjoy it and it's so good for me, and l have a very cushy job hours and free time wise, but here we are only aa yr or two later whenever it was and l feel like this.

    rx

  26. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    1 April 2021 in reply to randomx

    Not to mention coming across so many older men lately still going that l can see with my own eyes the difference in them compared to others and admired the hell out of them. But yet , l feel like this and as if l just can't find it again.

    rx

  27. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to randomx

    lt seems once you drop your guard for a second and allow yourself the luxury of some negativity for awhile , spirits decline pretty fast. rx

  28. Lillylane
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    2 April 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi RX,

    I’m sorry you’re finding things difficult at the moment.

    Positive thoughts will return again - I know it’s impossible to see that at the moment. And it’s totally ok.

    I was reading back through the thread and it’s interesting that you’ve talked to many different people about their work experiences and I admire that you keep an open mind and can see things from different perspectives. Hope you get to see that plane guy again you mentioned. What an interesting story!

    Are there any projects you do that are just for yourself? Not for work?

    For myself I’m trying to focus on a very small project/interest, I want to buy a stylus to be able to draw/write on an iPad. So I’m comparing prices etc and looking up tutorials. So it’s keeping me occupied and gives my mind a break from thinking about work and other stuff.

    Anyway, here if you want to chat more about what’s been going on for you.

    Take care RX!

    Lillylane

  29. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2764 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to Lillylane

    Hi lilly

    Yeah funny ,l meet all sorts in my jobs customers too but l've never met anyone who buys and sells planes before though. Did have a customer whom l suspect was a mobster once he sent his driver and a couple of guys to pick up the job in a 150k gorgeous truck . l suspected over the phone but when these boys turned up and got out of this truck l'm thinking hmmmm, think l'll just make this really quick and outa here.

    Hows the new job going now feeling any better , settling in ?

    Yeah l have a lot of things going on as far as renos and projects , too many actually.

    Good luck with the ipad pen , never used one though l do draw a lot - or use too.

    Thanks lilly and you take care too hey. rx

  30. Lillylane
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    5 April 2021 in reply to randomx

    Sounds like you meet some interesting people! :) I guess there would be pros and cons with being you’re own boss.

    Yeah settling into new job and it’s definitely better than the first week was.

    I had a difficult time the day before the public holidays. I freaked out (in my head only) about a particular task and felt like I had absolutely no clue at all.

    Usually I just try and push through that feeling and in time I’m ok again but it wasn’t working that day.

    I haven’t really been able to relax over the long weekend which is annoying.

    Tomorrow is a new day though. Hoping I can tackle things better tomorrow.

    Thanks RX!

    1 person found this helpful

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