Topic: Managing Depression and Anxiety. What are your values?

I've lived with Anxiety and Depression all my life and have been on a constant journey to find ways to manage them. Self-help books, therapy, forums, family and friends... I've turned everywhere I can think of.

One thing that's really stood out to me has been assessing my core values. E.g. Love/Independence/Experience etc.. This is something I've read in self-help books and also have been speaking with my therapist about. The rationale behind this being so effective is that it gives you something lifelong to focus on, to live by and purpose to guide your actions in a meaningful way to you.

Sometimes we set goals with no clear importance, ones that have a clear ending. In my own experience, what I've found by doing this is that I'm satisfied only for a short time. I reach my goal (or don't reach it) and then I'm left feeling underwhelmed.. "now what?" I'm back to the frame of mind I was in originally. I'm searching for something more and this goal that I set for the sake of having something to do meant nothing anymore.

When looking at your values, they will probably be different to other people AND THAT'S OK! Be honest with yourself when determining which are important to you and set them for nobody but yourself - this was something that I struggled with. Separating what you 'think' you should value and what you actually value can be a challenge, especially when society gets in your head.

If you have a mind like mine, you may find it hard to focus on specific values and may begin to overthink. I found that taking a step back and realising that one step was better than no step helped me move forward. Although many values may be important to you, focusing on a core few will be better than circling your thoughts in need for change. The best part? You can adjust them whenever you want to.

So start somewhere and go from there. One may be a value to you simply because you find joy in it!

Tips:
- Google can be your friend. Feel free to look at lists of values to get your head around some ideas if you're stuck. But also remember that what you value doesn't need to make sense to anyone else.
- Start by setting small, achievable goals. (One of my first goals was to drink an extra bottle of water every day - very small but achievable and good for me)
- Focus on daily or weekly goals alongside your long term ones (our mind loves quick wins and it's very motivating)

If you have anything to add or you've had your own experience with this exercise, please share!

Hello Yellow Hope,

Your post is very insightful and I'm sure many people, like me, can take something aware from it, whatever it may be. I found it very helpful.

Sometimes I believe that realising that life isn't like a movie is important; it doesn't get wrapped up neatly at the end of a film, it continues after the film has ended. Therefore, we should try to acknowledge this and continually set goals, long term and short term. It can be good to set some short term goals to get you motivated, but it is important to look at the bigger picture of life - to set a goal that lasts a lifetime. These two types of goal are what has kept me motivated to be who I am when I felt no motivation to do anything.

I value respect, trust and kindness, therefore, my goals in life are to be tolerant, honest and compassionate in everything I do.Thus, I view our values as our long-term goals. We can materialise these goals quite simply. For example, volunteering can help you be kind, always telling the truth helps you be trustworthy and accepting everyone for who they are helps you be respectful.

However, we should not feel defined by our values, as we are ever-changing, and we should accept that no one is perfect, all we can do is try our best. :D

P0L0

Hey P0L0,

Thank you for taking the time to express your ideas and share your experience.

I'm so glad to hear that you've found ways to become motivated and that you're working towards things that bring you happiness!

I love what you said about life not being like a movie. That's definitely something to remember and something that can get us thinking.

I agree that we are not completely defined by our values as we're ever-changing. Values are a means of purpose and can be a great tool to help us in times when we find we're losing motivation.

I'll definitely keep trying my best and will also keep implementing my values :)

Yellow Hope x

Hello yellow hope,

I find it so easy to find myself miserable and anxious about all the mistakes I have made and feeling hopeless about the future and my current situation. I do not want to become blind to other people's struggles by being stuck in my own misery so I do try to see what is happening in terms of social issues so that I don't forget that we all live in this country together and should be trying to make the world a better place which is a value that I hold in life.

I think identifying values to help set goals is a great idea. In general values are constant throughout life although we may recognise values as important that we haven't recognised before. The thing that changes is how we live by our values. For example family is an important value to me. When my children were young caring for them & providing them the opportunity to spent time with extended family members was important. Now its important to maintain contact with them even if it is by phone when we can't visit. Making sure they know I care is essential but allowing them to make their own life as adults is important.

Hi Curious 77,

Thanks for sharing your experiences. It's so cool to hear that you value making the world a better place!

I can relate to how you're feeling about the future and current situations. It's helpful to remember that although others are going through struggles of their own, your feelings are completely valid.

Also, really good point about working together - we're not alone in this world :)

Hey Elizabeth CP,

Family is a great value to have and it's awesome that you're setting goals to keep it/them in your life x

Hi Yellow Hope

You have mentioned an excellent point about having realistic goals and thankyou! I understand your anxiety and depression as I used to be in the same boat for around 38 years..and it can be awful to experience

I have set goals and as you mentioned they do work....I guess it depends on our levels of anxiety...I used to have chronic anxiety for a long time until I eventually cried big time (about my personal issues) in front of my therapist and felt so much better the next day...(not when I was crying though!)

One of my goals was to keep seeing my mental health aware GP's on a regular basis for a 'tune up'...Been doing so for 24 years every 4-6 weeks....and it works well

You are so proactive with your health Yellow Hope! That makes the road to recovery less rocky for sure :-)

my kind thoughts

Paul

Hi Paul,

I really appreciate the kind words and your courage to share your own encounters.

I'm so glad to hear that it's worked for you long term!

Yellow Hope x

Hi Yellow Hope

You are a breath of fresh air on the forums being as proactive as you are with your health....Only if its okay..can I ask how severe your anxiety is (was)?

Thankyou again for the help you have provided to others by being a part of the forum family!

my kind thoughts

Paul

Hello Elizabeth,

What you do is such a good idea because it gives everyone belonging and connectedness which is important mentally and it is also a support network for everyone in the family. Building relationships is also a skill that needs to be worked on and your not born with it and will always serve them well.