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Topic: May have Bipolar 2

11 posts, 0 answered
  1. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    18 June 2020

    Greetings and Salutations,

    I haven't posted before, however I do find reading other threads helpful, thank you. It encourages me to speak out too.

    Please excuse my post if it's all over the place, as I'm not sure where to start. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for!!! I guess, I'm just taking a step to to seek support in more ways than one.

    I've recently returned to seeing my psychologist, who believes I may have Bipolar 2. I'm going to continue seeing her on a regular basis (thankfully, it is bulk-billed). I'm also being referred to a psychiatrist - to discuss this further, and may have to go on medication. That scares me --- I'm afraid the medication will make me physically sick. But after speaking to friends and extended family, I'm open to anything at the moment as I feel like I need something to kickstart me into healing properly. I haven't been eating well and have lost a lot of weight. I know all the things I need to do, but I struggle to do them.

    What is breaking my heart is that I feel like my husband and children have deserted me, because of my poor mental health. My husband has attempted to support me in his own way. I can imagine he is worried and I can understand he is doing the best he can.

    My communication is quite poor and I know I need improvement in this area. I find it hard to speak, so instead I wrote a long letter to my family apologising for my poor mental health, assuring them I am seeking help. The thing is, in the past, I have tried to do this on my own and convince myself I'm okay. Clearly, I'm not. I feel like they've given up on me. Which is also understandable, as I often give up...

    Before I 'lose my temper', I feel convinced it is justified. I have reason to get pissed off. I live quite an alternative lifestyle. My said hubby doesn't have a regular job, but rather does what he wants when he wants. I have a business from home that takes up a lot of my time. People around me aren't surprised I've lost my mind living with him. He himself is all over the place, but is convinced he's altogether. So much so, he has convinced our children (and me over and over and over again) that 'there's something not right with Mummy. she needs help'.

    I had a serious car accident when I was a toddler, which I have always lived with and presumed was okay with, but now am feeling this trauma has affected me and contributed to my 'mental damage'.

    Anyway, I just wanted to reach out.

    Thank you for taking the time,

    x

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8358 posts
    19 June 2020 in reply to Missing user

    Hi, welcome

    Im 64yo and have had a colourful roller coaster life of sadness was diagnosed bipolar 2 (bp2) along with anxiety, depression and dysthymia in 2009.

    To be diagnosed correctly means you are one of the lucky ones. Bp2 is a serious disorder and medication will reel in your moods and flatten out your depression somewhat, resulting in an easier person to live with but won’t eliminate them so there will be some tolerance by you and family required ongoing.

    Other symptoms can be sensitivity, quirkiness, creativity, speak before thinking, depressive periods, over reaction, even abandonment issues- all depending on the individual.

    Its normal for us to want understanding from loved ones, but few will have enough patience and empathy to be supportive. This will leave you very lonely and to fill that need this forum can be one place you can go for understanding and support. Group therapy helps also and research online as you enjoy reading.

    Being on medication lifelong isn’t as bad as the alternative. Embrace it. Life is much better once you’ve fine tuned it and your symptoms quell.

    Ive selected some relevant threads you can put in the search bar up the top. You only need to read the first post or more if you feel like it. You can reply here or in those threads

    they just don’t understand- why?

    Distraction and variety

    accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

    Do we expect a smooth road in life?

    Capacities and expectations

    Success!!! 53 years of hell now 5 years of contentment

    Guilt the tormentor

    Worry worry worry

    I hope you enjoy the read. The more you read the better. I’ll look forward to chatting more.

    PS It’s ok, everything will be fine.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    19 June 2020 in reply to white knight

    Thank you TonyWK, I appreciate your welcome reply, and everything you've said makes sense. The 'other symptoms' you've described all ring true for me.

    Yes, I will keep reading. Thank you for taking the time to list the suggestions. I was up last night reading some other BP posts, which I found very informative.

    Thanks for your support, I will stay online and reach out whenever I need.

    I signed up over a year ago and have only just gotten the courage to speak up. Thank you for your kindness and support - it means a lot.

    x

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Tillysmum
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tillysmum avatar
    4 posts
    21 June 2020 in reply to Missing user
    If it’s any consolation, I’ve found things much easier since getting properly diagnosed and going on meds for bipolar 2. I haven’t had any real side effects from the meds apart from weight gain which is annoying and a dry mouth which is less of a problem. I was actually relieved to get a diagnosis because it validated everything I’d felt for most of my life. Good luck with it all.
    2 people found this helpful
  5. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    1490 posts
    21 June 2020 in reply to Missing user

    Hi Mama.of.3

    You sound like a natural questioner and a natural wonderer, which can be hard when you're not getting any satisfaction in the way of answers or clear vision.

    You mention 'Before I 'lose my temper', I feel convinced it is justified...' I wonder whether you fully recognise the incredibly high level of tolerance for intolerable behaviour from those around you. Do you only recognise the seemingly 'irrational' snapping aspect at the end of it? This can sort of leave us feeling like we've lost our filter. We can be rationally, reasonably (explaining our reasons for upset and frustration) and thoughtfully filtering our concerns through to other people for so long until we just stop filtering and then BAMM. Again, we don't always see the lead up that could label us as gold star champions in the way of tolerance and patience.

    You mention you live quite an alternative lifestyle. Wondering if you have a good support circle in this lifestyle, people who raise you to be excited about this aspect of who you are. Do you thrive in this area of your life? If so, it's possibly to do with this being a part of who you naturally are. Nurture this part of yourself when you get the chance. Are you able to get a natural high out of this lifestyle? If so, share that high (feeling) with your kids and don't let anyone bring you down through criticism. If it's a healthy lifestyle, go for it.

    Is it possible your husband is a 'low viber' and you're a 'high viber' and he brings you down at times, which can be depressing? Do you often simply see natural logic and natural reason but other people don't for some reason? If this is the case, do they lead you to question yourself, to the point of self doubt? In other words, are you led to believe you're the unreasonable one?

    I know I ask a lot of questions. It's because I'm a natural wonderer. I just love wondering. Perhaps you're a little the same :) Do you wonder and imagine all the way through to natural highs, only to be brought down from them for some reason, by people or challenging situations?

    Navigating the world of mood stabilisers can be tricky. For someone who has a lot of energy and enjoys the highs of life, being sensitive to this aspect of self is important. Finding a mood stabiliser that doesn't completely zap the energy out of you is important. That can be depressing for someone who loves their natural energetic highs.

    Take care and try not to doubt yourself too much. I know, easier said than done.

    :)

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    21 June 2020 in reply to Tillysmum

    Thank you, Tillysmum,

    Yes, I feel somewhat the same: with a diagnosis, I can begin to work through it.

    Personally, I've lost so much weight, I'd be happy to gain a bit. But would probably rather do it through food and exercise. I'm definitely open to medication. Whereas, in the past, I wasn't. I have been reading and researching online and found some very helpful info on BP2 medication.

    I'm seeing my psychologist regularly, and getting a referral to a psychiatrist, and also hoping to see a dietitian asap.

    Thank you for your message and support,

    x

  7. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    21 June 2020 in reply to therising

    Thank you, therising, I appreciate your detailed response.

    Yes, I think I do have a very high tolerance - and I've been pushed to my ultimate limit. I've been told by close mutual friends that no one else would live with my husband (because he basically does what 'he' wants when 'he' wants). His family aren't surprised I'm losing my mind. They think he's been gas-lighting me or that he is a narcissist. (This was last year when I was talking to them. I'm no longer talking to his family.) He's always right and he has an answer for everything and can justify absolutely anything.

    No, I don't think I'm high vibe and he's low. He's more of the social one with many friends and lots to do. He's out now with the children, having fun. I'm at home moping around.... It's been the typical story for a long time now. They don't even ask me anymore if I want to go anywhere. I just sit at my computer working, working, working. He doesn't have a job. He's the alternative one.

    I have support from my Dad and his partner, who I lean on a lot. My Mum has been staying with me every couple of weeks for a few nights, which is helpful. That's probably the extent of my support - my parents (who are separated). I don't have many friends. Some girlfriends who I can ring, but it gets to the point I'm sick of ringing them with the same whiny story-line.

    Nothing I say in my little family means anything at the moment. They are not listening to me at all. I'm too weak to find my place in the family. My eldest is taking the role of the 'boss', just like her Daddy. She's basically ignoring me (similar to what husband did to me all of last year when I left the property and lived in town).

    I'm completely exhausted to even put it all into words. I've tried to explain that this is all partly because of him, but he has insisted that it is me with the major problems, continually telling the children "something's wrong with Mummy; she's getting help".

    I feel utterly useless and have given up trying to fight. I've succumbed to believing that I am the one with the problem and will do what I can to get better.

    Yesterday at the psychologist I was telling her what a wonderful father he is - which he is, he does spend a lot of time with the children and takes time to explain things. But he has irritated the heck out of me over time.

    Thank you for your time and effort in responding,

    Sorry if this is all over the place. A bit like me at the moment!

    Thank you again, x

    1 person found this helpful
  8. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    8251 posts
    21 June 2020 in reply to Missing user

    Mama of 3

    You write and communicate I well so please do not apologise for being all over the place.

    you express yourself well.

    I have been living with bipolar fo over 40 years and I had people in relationship tell me everything was my fault. Sometime people focus on label and not the person.

    There is a thread called this boplar life. This is a friendly and support group and you are welcome to come and have a look and post if you want to.

    quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    21 June 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    thank you, Quirky, for your reply and encouragement.

    Yes, I've been flicking through 'This bipolar life' (bit of late night read!!) - I'll pop over and introduce myself there in time.

    Thank you for your support,

    x

  10. Leisa68
    Leisa68 avatar
    96 posts
    22 June 2020

    Hello there,

    I was diagnosed with BP2 around six weeks ago. I understand your worry about the diagnosis but I have to say I have found relief (now) with the diagnosis and the support I receive here on this website and on the thread 'This Bipolar Life'. The medication will take another week I think to flatten out my mood, but all in all the medication isn't dramatic as I thought it would be.

    I myself believe you need to stop apologising for what you are going through. It seems like you are going through incredible stress already. Apologising can be exhausting. I know, I am always apologising. You may find your relationship improves once your mental health is better. My relationship was in dire straits but is getting better with the improvement of my mental health.

    I hope things get better for you. I also hope you get the support you need.

    Sending you strength

    Leisa

    3 people found this helpful
  11. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    22 June 2020 in reply to Leisa68

    Thanks for your message, Leisa. I appreciate everything you've said and your support. It means so much to be able to speak openly in a safe space such as BeyondBlue.

    I feel in a bit of a daze the past few days. As much as I'm making progress with my psychologist, I am overwhelmed at the whole possibilities. (I've been reading and taking in a lot.)

    I am finding it difficult to see how I've previously been in a mania state - because I don't recall myself being exceedingly happy or euphoric. But then again, I'm so dull at the moment, that the fogginess could be making that hard to remember.

    I'd say my hypomania state is moreso shown in the form of irritability than it is elevation of mood. I become full-on dedicated to my work and forget about everything else - including eating properly, sleeping properly etcetera. I then get frustrated and irritated at everything else outside of my focus.

    My research has brought me to consider how important routine and structure is with a condition such as bipolar II. I recall exploring Ayurveda some years back and it was clear how important routine was to my constitution. When my children were much younger, (3, 2, baby), having a super busy lifestyle, I was super-duper organised and it worked. I functioned. I was happy. I've always been a vision-boarder, goal-setter, list-writer, high-achiever.

    But that has all gradually gone to the wayside the past 10 years and I'm now nothing like that. Except every now and then, I do now recall having bursts of this type of behaviour.

    I need to bring routine and ritual back into my life, including exercise and good food!

    I'm starting small. Making short lists to do a few things I know will make me feel good. Getting out in the gardens....

    Thank you again, I will pop in and say hi in 'This Bipolar Life'.

    x

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