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Topic: My boyfriend wants space while he’s depressed but I need to be with him when I’m depressed

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Peace Lilly
    Peace Lilly avatar
    1 posts
    11 September 2021

    My boyfriend broke down to me for the first time (hasn’t anytime been anywhere near tears), admits he’s not doing well and doesn’t even know why he’s crying.
    I made sure of course he wasn’t a danger to himself which I definitely believe.
    As I know everyone is going through the dirt at the moment, as have I been. For me, to get through it I need to surround myself and I want and need to be with him. He’s the opposite, he needs his own space and basically we don’t see each other at all. I was open that if he needed a break from us etc. then we can do that but he said that was the last thing he wants.
    When he broke down the other night, it was the first time I ended up leaving his place in our relationship (earlier than I was suppose to- I was suppose to stay the night).
    I made sure he was okay before he left and of course I understand that sometimes in these situations you need your own time.
    By the time I got to my car, he called me and cried that he wanted me to come back. so I came back and he just asked if I could stay a little bit longer.

    I don’t know what to do

  2. thisisalongshot
    thisisalongshot avatar
    4 posts
    11 September 2021 in reply to Peace Lilly
    All you can do is offer your support and be available, if not always present. Let him guide you. It sounds like he’s safe and you have pretty good communication - ask him to tell you how best you can help and encourage him to seek professional help if it’s beyond you. He will appreciate your loyalty and non judgmental support.
  3. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1152 posts
    11 September 2021 in reply to Peace Lilly

    Hi Peace Lilly,

    Wellcome to our forums!

    I understand how it feels to go through a mental health condition….

    I didn’t like being alone while I was going through this.

    Try to be there for your boyfriend let him know your there to support him….. and that he’s not alone….

    If your boyfriend hasn’t seeked professional help try to encourage him to see his gp and let the gp know how he’s feeling…… they could do a mental health plan together this will enable him to see a psychologist….

    We are always here on this forum to support yourself and your boyfriend..

    here to chat

  4. Sophia16
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Sophia16 avatar
    112 posts
    11 September 2021 in reply to Peace Lilly

    Hey Lilly,

    I am really sorry about what you are going through. It looks like your boyfriend is going through a rough patch.

    He definitely is relying on you for support. Yes, he may need his space but he also wants you to always be there for him. I know it can be complicated and confusing but all I can really advise is for you not to support him as much as you can. Especially during this pandemic. It is hard for all of us.

    I hope you are okay. Chat if you need.

  5. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15102 posts
    12 September 2021 in reply to Peace Lilly

    Hello Peace Lilly, and a warm welcome to both you and your boyfriend.

    Although two depressed people may want to be with each other and live together, sometimes it's not easy, because who's depression is worst and can the other person console their partner enough, only pushing their own feelings backwards.

    Both of you need therapy, but not each other's counselling may benefit the other person, you may have similar problems but deep down they concern you alone, it's only once one person has been able to overcome their own type of depression, they will truly understand and can cope with helping the other person.

    You are not able to cope with their depression, simply because you don't know what's the most logical place to start, especially if you are suffering yourself.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

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