Hard to believe its almost a month since my last post, not too much has happened since, a bit of mixed news in between, work, family etc.
However my mental state still isnt great, despite being out of lockdown and having the ability to do more things that I wasnt able to do for a period. Ive tried to be positive about being out of lockdown and into "freedom" but unfortunately there are things that are bringing me down and I dont feel motivate to do much.
At the moment, I feel like I'm losing touch with things I used to be positive about like people I work with, my work in general, special occassions, Christmas, my birthday, Melbourne Cup, St Patricks Day.
I often wondered once this lockdown was over, I could finally meet with the girl online, face to face and we could make a better connection, make me feel really good inside and help me stay mostly positive. Then I wouldnt be doing the things I'm doing right now, going out drinking almost every night, sometimes alone, not caring what time I would get home. Also not caring about work too much and not focusing on other things in life. I dont know why I keep thinking of her, we werent in a relationship but I felt something.
Work hasnt been easy, infact I dont think coming back to the office has helped much, despite seeing people face to face for the time in a while. I'm getting really frustrated at being treated like the little weak person again. Decisons that are being made for me without consultations, expecting to do certain projects that are tough to do in a short period.
I feel I really need to take time away from not just work but also Sydney in general. I want to go somewhere peaceful and quiet, not having to put with people who treat me like rubbish and not being constantly told what to do, because there's not much happening for me here.
Perhaps an area outside of Sydney might help me focus on myself and learn to be positive, who knows, see what happens. I shouldnt expect too much.