I've taken a few good hits in life and always managed to bounce back, resilience has always been one of my stronger points. Although at the moment, and in the last few months, I've been suffering in silence. My partner of 10 years has cottoned on that something isn't quite right, and pushing me to seek help. Not something I've ever done in my life, I've always sorted things out on my own. I've always felt (as messed up as this is) that it's weak, inferior, and pathetic, and I just can't shake the stigma. Worst of it is that I'm the first to make sure that my friends are doing ok and should seek advice, but I can't even get myself together to do it myself.
My concern is that this has become a flaw, a weak spot in my character, which will prevent any further career progression in my profession. I know this is wrong. But the voice in my head telling me that I'll never make it to management, never be considered for a senior position, tearing down all of my ambitions all day relentlessly just never seems to end. I'm remunerated generously, I live in a nice house, in a nice suburb, in my mid 20s with the love of my life. I just want more, I don't know why, but I feel like every day I'm in a losing battle with my own negative thoughts.
What are some rock solid, tried and tested techniques? What do people do other just talking about it? Do I need to start a though diary or something?
I've just started with the headspace app, wasn't overly impressed that they want to squeeze money out of people already at a low point, but thats the world I guess. I wake up at the same time every day (5:50am), and manage my sleep apnea to the best of my ability. I eat reasonably healthy, and have started working out regularly again after a 6 month hiatus. I feel like things should be better by now. But still I just shut off emotionally, run in auto pilot, and just watch everything pass me by.
I'm done with this selfish wallowing in self pity and for lack of a better word, need to get my sh*t together, for those who care about it.
I'm sorry if anything of this is vague, or poorly explained, I'm at a loss and wanted to seek some form of guidance before I either relapse or actually speak about it.