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Topic: Starting on antidepressants and I feel worse than before

15 posts, 0 answered
  1. TishaJade
    TishaJade  avatar
    4 posts
    15 December 2019

    I started on antidepressants a week ago and I am so up and down all the time, anxious, overthinking and I just want to sleep all day. I woke up this morning completely out of sorts and got upset with my partner over nothing. I am finding it hard to cope with things this morning which three days ago I was okay about. My main problem is my partner has a child to someone else before he met me. Their relationship was bad and they agreed to have a baby to work on their relationship, eventually my partner left her and then she turned out to be pregnant. He didn’t want to keep it but she didn’t want to get an abortion so they agreed to make it work. But eventually he was unhappy and decided to leave. I love my partners son as if he were my own and he considers me his step mum, and my partner admits he never truly loved his ex or anyone before he met me. I believe him when he says he loves me and actually wants a family with me and to share a life with me and get married etc. But when I’m really down I just focus on the fact he had a baby with someone else and I feel so depressed. It ruins my day and I hate talking to my partner because he has to reassure me all over again and it’s exhausting for him.

    Sometimes being around his son when I feel like this makes me worse because I see my partner in him and also another woman that’s not me. Other times I don’t think about it and I am completely fine and happy. I don’t want to end up arguing with my partner or venting because of the same things over and over again.

    I’m so exhausted with myself.

  2. Soberlicious96
    Community Champion
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    Soberlicious96 avatar
    100 posts
    15 December 2019 in reply to TishaJade

    Dear TishaJade,

    I am sorry to hear of the struggles you are having right now. It sounds like you are having some trouble adjusting to your new medications, yeah?

    Antidepressants, from what I know, can take some time - maybe even a number of weeks - to really start to work, so if it's only been a few days, then perhaps your system is still adjusting.

    I'm not really sure what else to say about your partner except that at least you seem to be aware of what is going on, and can communicate with him about it, and that is great. Good communication goes a long way towards helping things get sorted out.

    Anyway, please remember that BB is always open and you can come here as much as you like. Take care. Sorry I couldn't be of more help to you. xo

    1 person found this helpful
  3. MsRufus
    MsRufus avatar
    4 posts
    15 December 2019 in reply to TishaJade

    Hi TishaJade,

    Hang in there! Antidepressants don't work instantly, it took me about 6 weeks to feel better! And it was tough, but one day I woke up and felt like the fog had lifted (as corny as that sounds!). I also had to alter my dose, but now I am settled I have not looked back!

    It sounds like your partner really does love you and that you have nothing to worry about, I think it is just your mental health telling you those things! Keep your head up, he is with you for a reason! He is with you, not the ex!!!

    Yes try not to let your inner feelings get to the partner, as he cannot change the fact that he has a child, and you don't want him to end up pushing you away!

    Best of luck !

    2 people found this helpful
  4. iamanxiety
    iamanxiety avatar
    5 posts
    15 December 2019 in reply to TishaJade
    Hi Tisha,

    it sounds like your having a tough time dealing with with your current situation.

    in regards to the unfortunately antideppresents they take a while to feel the therapeutic effect when you need emediate relief.

    most take over a month to to fully take effect with small improvents in the mean time. you may even feel a little worse at times,either the meds or the depression.

    after a certain time if you feel they are not working as many of us experience your professional may adjust dose,change the meds or add other meds. unfortunately it can get quite draining but when you do get it right the results can be life changing.

    I feel once you get this part of your treatment correct you will better deal with your personal situation as you will be in a much better state of mind.

    stay strong,unfortunately these things don't work overnight but they do help.

    are you doing anything else to combat your deppresion?

    1 person found this helpful
  5. TishaJade
    TishaJade  avatar
    4 posts
    15 December 2019 in reply to Soberlicious96

    Hi Soberlicious96,

    Thanks for your reply, I notice some changes since starting antidepressants, some good and some bad. The good thing is when I feel down and I’m depressed I can bounce back from it pretty quick than I did before, when I used to wallow in my own self pity. I guess this is about learning myself whilst starting on these meds. Bad changes are that my sex drive has plummeted. But I have hopes yet that that might come back once the medication fully works.

    My partner and I communicate well so that’s always great for me. He just becomes frustrated with me because of my insecurities and his constant reassurance, which I understand but he’s more than supportive.

    Thanks again x

  6. TishaJade
    TishaJade  avatar
    4 posts
    15 December 2019 in reply to MsRufus

    Hi MsRufus,

    I am glad to learn that I just need to give the meds more time to work properly on me.

    I definitely think it’s just that depression squeezing through the gaps to get to me. I quickly overcome it and was happy for most of the day after that. Like I said, I know my partner loves me and I don’t have any worries about that, and I have a good relationship with my step son and his mother. All in all everything is good, which is why my feelings confuse me and I can’t control it, which drove me to take antidepressants.

    Luckily my partner is super understanding and supportive, but I really don’t want to put all this on him because it’s not fair on him and I know that everything will be okay eventually. When I’m in that depressed moment I can’t lift it and he is the only one nearest to me to vent to, so he wears my load of insecurities and depressive thoughts. I can’t wait to finally be happy and go back to being me again and relieve my partner from all this.

  7. therising
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    therising avatar
    266 posts
    15 December 2019 in reply to TishaJade

    Hi TishaJade

    There's no doubt about it, meds can challenge our metabolism and so much more. With so many systems in our body, it becomes a matter of 'Will all my systems adjust well to this med?' Only time will tell.

    I can only imagine what it would be like regarding your partner having a child with someone else. Life would also definitely be tough with certain boundaries that come with raising someone else's child. Myself, I'm Mum to 2 amazing creatures (17yo daughter and 14yo son). They are absolute stars who have the challenging task of raising me. By the way, I also raise them.

    To be honest, someone could have dropped them on the doorstep years ago and I would still see them as the amazing gifts that they are. Doesn't matter where they came from. I see them as unique individuals, not with heritage or the DNA of their father and myself. They love me for this way I see them.

    Every time they raise me through a smile, that smile comes from them not their parents. Every time they raise me through the way they view the world, that viewpoint comes from them trying to work out how the world ticks. Every unique painting ever created was theirs alone. Well...the list goes on. All I have to do is raise them to be their natural self, as they help me return to my natural self. In the process we naturally have fun, navigate the challenges in life without harsh judgement of one another and we naturally and wholeheartedly love each other without conditions.

    I try my best to raise everyone around me, whether they're my child or not because I see their individual potential beyond where they have been or where they have come from.

    Perhaps your step son is exactly the gift you need in order to remember how truly incredible life can be with all its adventure, unconditional love and beautiful, intelligent and innocent conversation free from the influence of that which comes with age. What you share with him, in you raising each other, has the potential to far outweigh where he came from. You sound like a beautiful sensitive person, a gift to him.


    3 people found this helpful
  8. MsRufus
    MsRufus avatar
    4 posts
    15 December 2019 in reply to TishaJade

    Yes give them some time!

    They might not be the correct fit for you first time, and they don't work for everyone but perseverance is key.

    Have you considered counselling/psychology?? I see a psychologist and it is very helpful to overcome feelings when they are overwhelming !

  9. TishaJade
    TishaJade  avatar
    4 posts
    16 December 2019 in reply to therising

    Hi therising,

    Wow that perspective blew me away. I totally can understand that view on raising a step child. I do believe we are a gift to eachother, and I love my life having a son I didn’t birth. I can’t imagine my life without him, and like you said, he raises me into parenthood and finding my natural self. I do truly believe I can get past that emotional side of things, where I wallow in self pity that my partner has a child to someone else. Only with time and experience. I am 22 years old and still so young to be challenged with such tasks, and I am proud of myself for what I have achieved so far.

    Thanks again

  10. TishaJade
    TishaJade  avatar
    4 posts
    16 December 2019 in reply to MsRufus

    I have tried to get counselling but always put on huge waiting lists and can’t only get In to see a psychologist next late February. So will see how things go.

  11. TishaJade
    TishaJade  avatar
    4 posts
    21 December 2019

    Hi All,

    I'm struggling again today with the same utter nonsense. I just can't seem to move past it. I am so in love with my partner that him having a child with someone else destroys me inside. It's such a big thing to have to deal with. And I know not many people could do it. I thought I was strong and I have been for the past 10 months. But I can't shake it. Everything's good, everything's perfect. We all have a good relationship, I get along well with the mother, everything's all good. SO WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF. I don't want to leave my partner, but I'm beginning to feel like there's no way out of these feelings for me. I need an escape from the constant hurt. I am afraid I will push him away and it will all be my fault because I can't control with this jealous, envious problem I have.

  12. iamanxiety
    iamanxiety avatar
    5 posts
    22 December 2019 in reply to TishaJade
    Hi Tisha,

    I know you must be going through hell but there are a lot of positives in your statement. " everything is good" I know it dosent feel that way but it's great that in reality things are good. unfortunately you are looking at them through the lens of depression. so even when things are going well our mind sabotages our reality.

    it's a shame the remedy takes time as I know you want an instant remedy you your negative emotions.

    what's in your favour is you have a strong foundation to build a better mindset. what I mean is that in reality things are not as bad as you are experiencing it.

    you will have to persevere with getting on top of you thoughts . has anything helped you so far. I know you are on AD have you given these long enough time to take effect. if you have and you are not getting the relief you need you will need to see your professional to adjust these.

    I know what you mean by the wait for appointments. I also need to adjust my meds and see a new pcsycoligist and the wait are ridiculous. the time of year is not helping either.

    all the best with your journey


    1 person found this helpful
  13. Gadzooks
    Gadzooks avatar
    0 posts
    29 December 2019 in reply to TishaJade

    Hi TishaJade,

    Just wanted to check in and hope the end of your year is going okay. I can empathise so much with adjusting to new medication. I know I wanted it to just work since I'd finally taken the step. It does take time, different for everyone, but when they say it gets better it does. Remember you can always check back in with your GP if you need. It sounds like there is a lot of love and positive things within your life. As cliche as it may seem we really do choose our family and who to love and DNA has little to do with it. You can be influenced by and make a wonderful influence on those around you.

    I hope things improve



    1 person found this helpful
  14. Just Sara
    Community Champion
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    Just Sara avatar
    419 posts
    4 April 2020 in reply to TishaJade

    I've been redirected to this thread. I hope you don't mind me intruding,

    Re the jealousy issue - Jealousy's a hard one Tisha. You mention 'sharing' which is more of a childhood word than an adult concept. I'm not trying to put you down btw, I'm hoping you'll look inside yourself to find a sense of your inner child feeling scared of losing something you've gained in your life.

    If you think about it, your bf's ex is having to share him as well; the father of their 'child' - who also has to be shared between you all.

    The number one rule is, what you focus on...grows! So staying jealous will only get worse while it's prevalent within your thoughts.

    Are you confident your relationship's strong enough to cope with this dynamic, because your bf's child and ex aren't going away? Acceptance of all that's present within this unavoidable triangle just might help you let go of the 'what-if's'. (IMO)

    We can't predict the future, but we can prepare by being our best today, which inevitably affects tomorrow.

    Wishing you well hun x

  15. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    191 posts
    4 April 2020 in reply to TishaJade
    We are letting you all know we're closing this and all TishaJade's other threads except for "Is it really as bad as I think?" in the Staying well section.

    Keeping to one thread makes it easier for members to keep up with TishaJade's story, and saves them from having to repeat information.

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