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Topic: Suddenly feel lonely and depressed

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Afb
    Afb  avatar
    2 posts
    9 January 2020

    Realised how depressing my life is

    So I’m a 17 year old guy, that has been alone for a few years now. I used to have a lot of friends a few years ago and was really popular in school but then my father got sick and I had to take care of him. This led to me doing online school which just furthered my feeling of being alone. Unfortunately my father passed away when I was 14.

    Enough about that though. So I’ve been getting by for the past 3 years now, just playing video games, watching YouTube, doing the rest of my schooling online. I was content with this and got by without problems. Suddenly, this Christmas my brother asked to hang out for the first time in awhile. I spent time with him and his girlfriend and it was a really good time. Spending time with them really made me happy. We played board games, played Pokémon go, driving around etc.. This lasted for 2 weeks since unfortunately my brother had to go back to work. When I got back home, everything sort of hit at once. I was alone, depressed, suddenly my daily routine became tedious and I just felt like crying all the time, I missed my brother and just really felt sad and alone. Everything just feels dark and my future isn’t look so bright, I don’t have any plans for the future, no aspirations, no friends, nothing. Idek why I’m writing this post, just to pass time I guess. I honestly want to change but these past few days of being alone have really made me lose hope for my future. Ahh Idk.

    sorry, I’m not the best at articulating my thoughts. There’s a lot more I’d like to add but whatever.

  2. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    1407 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to Afb

    Hi Afb

    No need to apologise, you're thoughts come through perfectly.

    After experiencing years in depression up until some time ago, I've learned and are still learning many life skills. I never understood until recently just how many life skills are lacking in order for us to feel some flow in our life.

    One of the greatest revelations for me comes down to the importance of raising our self through challenge and the importance of finding those around us who are enthusiastic and capable when it comes to helping raise us. Your brother sounds like he could be one of these people who enjoys lifting others.

    I imagine you would have raised yourself to many challenges in the past, some small and some great. You accepted the challenges that school brings, the challenges that come with maintaining a social circle, the incredible challenges that come with caring for someone who is seriously ill and the overwhelming challenge of losing them. When you think about it, you have risen often and during those times would have experienced moments of great pride and genuine joy (during the happier times).

    Personally, I can spend days trying to work out the huge challenge that can be draining me before I understand what I need to do to master it. Sometimes, I can pick a number of tiny achievable challenges to rise to which remind me of how capable I am, in so many ways. Perhaps your greatest challenge involves circulating again (discovering friendship groups). This can be a massive undertaking, without a doubt. Perhaps your brother can help you come up with a few ideas. Setting up a time to meet with him and get the ball rolling will also raise his attention to the help and care you need.

    Afb, try writing a challenge list for the day and then try rising to as much as possible on it. Make it achievable and perhaps throw in one hard one. You could have 50 things on the list, from stretch and yawn for 10 minutes straight in the morning today (stress release) through to order a cup of coffee and say something to make the barista smile. It will be a simple yet very busy day. You'll be surprised what you're capable of. Give yourself flexibility; perhaps make 40 out of 50 the goal.

    Those life skills I mentioned: One that is seriously lacking is 'How to consciously raise our self through challenge'. Beware, once you get the hang of this it can become a little addictive - you begin inviting challenge, so as to feel the high of rising and, above all else, self love.


    1 person found this helpful
  3. Afb
    Afb  avatar
    2 posts
    9 January 2020 in reply to therising
    Thanks for the reply, really appreciate it. It’s hard for me to make these challenges and do them since I’ve gotten used to this shitty lifestyle of mine, but I’ll try and see if it leads me anywhere. Thanks again :)
  4. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    1407 posts
    10 January 2020 in reply to Afb

    Hi Afb

    Sounds a bit foolish to some but I've discovered that a day of multiple little challenges becomes a bit like a treasure hunt, one that leads me to find more and more of my natural self. Yesterday, there were some challenges that required a little more motivation than usual, yet some that were so simplistic that they barely seemed worth focusing on but it becomes about 'Meeting the challenge of the list'. Some of those simplistic ones were

    • Breathe deeply and consciously for 1 minute
    • Watch less tv than usual
    • Walk to the local shop (I'm typically more motivated to drive everywhere)
    • Eat breakfast (Something I used to enjoy doing, which I always felt better for). I got out of the habit a little while back. I simply had a piece of toast but was technically able to tick breakfast off the list

    Being awake by a certain time in the morning was also something on the list. Met the challenge and then, bam, ticked off the list. The challenges don't have to be big at all, they just need to present some difference in life. Difference is the only thing that changes sameness. Sometimes it takes a while to work up to the bigger differences. The smaller ones can be the best way to start.


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