I want to start by first welcoming you to the forums, and thanking you for sharing this– it can't have been easy, and despite you saying it took you a while to figure out what to write, you come across as articulate, eloquent, and reflective. Could have fooled me!
Reading this from an outsider perspective, I think you are a total hero. Seriously. Here you are, having looked at the way you were treated as a kid and said "no, I'm not going to repeat this pattern in my own life." You've gotten clean and sober, have a job that you know will help secure you and your family's future, sacrificed being around your family and friends, and are thinking about how to be the best father for your son. It may not be obvious to you, but I think this is really a truly heroic effort on your part.
This is an excellent example of how one can successfully work not to repeat the patterns they experienced as a kid, and is a testament to the kind of man you are. As men, I think it can be especially hard sometimes for us to come to grips with these things.
That said, it's no wonder this is giving you trouble. Having a child and starting a home of our own is one of the biggest changes in all of life, and often this can come with a reexamination of our own childhoods and give us a new perspective on some wounds we may be carrying. I think one of the best possible things you could do for your son is to take care of yourself and do your best to address these wounds, to set an example for him about what it means to be a healthy and good man.
It sounds like you could use some help with all this. Would you ever consider seeing a GP or a counsellor for a bit of support? Either way, you've come to the right place and we are always happy to hear what's on your mind. Looking forward to seeing you around the forums.