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Topic: WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?

21 posts, 0 answered
  1. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    23 posts
    25 December 2019
    He's got an intervention order against me but says to me: "I have always liked you but I have kept it from you." Why is he playing games with me?
  2. MissBenthos
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    141 posts
    25 December 2019 in reply to goldilocks

    Hi Goldilocks,

    If someone truely cared for you they would not be playing games with you, you would honestly know without a doubt that they cared. Are you able to block out this person from your life?

    Why the games? I don’t know, it could be for many reasons, only he knows why. Whatever the reason, you deserve better.

    xo

    1 person found this helpful
  3. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
    6086 posts
    25 December 2019 in reply to goldilocks

    Dear Goldilocks

    Welcome. I hope we can help you.

    Do you know the grounds for this intervention order? It may help to find out. Other than that I agree with MissBenthos, playing games may make him feel good by having you dangling on a string. He may have a personality disorder which expresses itself in these types of activities and distressing you. Who knows the reasons.

    Stay away from him and try to carry on with your life as normally as possible. It really is the only answer. He does not care for you as he would not take out this intervention order without telling you first. He sounds like a bully, someone who gets a kick out of hurting others.

    Block him from your life as much as possible. Record any meetings and conversations including face to face, email, text and via another person. I hope you will be able to resume your life without him soon.

    Mary

  4. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    23 posts
    26 December 2019 in reply to White Rose

    I have an intervention order ruled against me because I was stalking him out of attraction and admiration. He knows very well that I am attracted to him, and he goes and does this? But to be fair, I caught him driving slowly near me as I was walking near my street once. I looked at him, he looked at me, and then he planted his foot on the accelerator and sped off. I told police, they didn't care, and I told mental health professionals, and I was labelled as being delusional. He is definitely a bully, and I feel he shows many traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is so hard for me to get on with my life when I put him so high on a pedestal. And If forgot to add to my OP that he murmured under his breath that he wanted to engage with me inappropriately, if you know what I mean. I dont think I can use the three letter word on here. He confuses me and I feel like Im being abused.

    I do not understand as to why he would feel the need to abuse me though?

  5. MissBenthos
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    141 posts
    27 December 2019 in reply to goldilocks
    How do you feel that you are being abused? Is it something you have discussed with one of the professionals you’re seeing?
  6. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    23 posts
    27 December 2019 in reply to MissBenthos

    Hi MissBenthos,

    I am currently seeing a supportive team of professionals, but in spite of this, I struggle to speak with them about this particular individual. I used to be very obsessive over him and I used to speak about him incessantly to other people. I no longer do this as this has drained me mentally. This is probably the reason as to why I struggle to speak to the psychologists and psychiatrists about him. I have tried writing down everything that has happened and I find that this helps. I have to see a forensic psychiatrist next month and so I am preparing a document for them to read regarding my attraction and obsession with him. This individual used to stare at me frequently, even as I was minding my own business, and this gave me the impression that he found me to be attractive. This unknowingly boosted my confidence, even though I have never struggled with body image etc. He behaved this way for many months, and one day he suddenly stopped for a reason unknown. I felt very hurt and that he was playing with my emotions. There were times where I would speak to him and he would respond, then other times he would ignore me and act like I never existed. He has lied about me to his family as has told them that I stalk his young child and that I know what school she attends and that I sit and watch them too. I have never done this, and I do not know what school she attends. I feel like he has changed his mind about me, and I feel his opinion of me changed after I had a panic attack in front of him. I had a panic attack in front of him because I couldn't express my feelings of attraction towards him. This was before I started stalking him. And even though I still love him, he still causes me to experience extreme anxiety. I have also never hated someone as much as I hate this particular individual.

  7. MissBenthos
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    28 December 2019 in reply to goldilocks

    Hi Goldilocks,

    What draws you to him? Is there something you aren’t giving to yourself that you feel he can give you? An escape from reality? What are your hobbies? How can you put more focus onto yourself and less on him?

    Sometimes we focus on something outside ourselves in the hopes that it can save us from ourself. When truely we are the only person who can help ourself.

    What you are describing sounds a lot like an addiction to me, what do you think? Is that how it feels to you?

  8. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    23 posts
    29 December 2019 in reply to MissBenthos

    Hi MissBenthos,

    I was drawn to his physical appearance. I can't say I was drawn to anything else. I play netball once a week, and I plan on returning to the workforce in order to pay for, and play more games of netball per week (among other things). I am also looking at going to the gym and also starting up water aerobics. I want to get fitter and healthier and I want to meet new people and make friends. I am definitely addicted to this particular individual, and I believe it was his intention all along to make me addicted to him.

  9. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    23 posts
    29 December 2019 in reply to goldilocks
    I forgot to mention that he has taken a photo of me using his mobile phone. He is 51 and I am 21. I confronted him about his behaviour and he denied it completely, in spite of the fact that he sat there and acknowledged his behaviour as it occurred on that particular day. I spoke to his manager about this and he admitted on his behalf that he did take a photo of me.
  10. MissBenthos
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    141 posts
    30 December 2019

    Hi Goldilocks,

    Dig deeper, there’s endless amounts of physically attractive people, what is it about this one?

    Good on you for those activities, sounds like a great plan :)

  11. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    23 posts
    30 December 2019 in reply to MissBenthos

    Hi MissBenthos,

    I really can't pinpoint the reason as to why I became so attracted to him physically. Its kind of hard to explain, really. I first laid eyes on him in early 2016, and I didn't think much of him. But it wasn't until early 2017 when I saw him checking me out more often, then for some weird reason I became physically attracted to him, then hooked onto him. In mid 2018 he started ignoring me. I was hurt, confused and couldnt figure out why he was behaving in such a way. It makes me feel better having people tell me that I can do better, but there are times when I still feel depressed, because I really want to be part of this particular individual's life romantically. I just cant win :(

  12. MissBenthos
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    30 December 2019 in reply to goldilocks

    Hi Goldilocks,

    Would it be correct to say that you are attracted to him simply for giving you a small amount of attention? I’m not a therapist but I wonder if you feel that it’s lacking in other areas of your life? You are worthy of attention. I hope you can come to love yourself enough that when another person gives you attention that you can ask yourself if they are worthy of yours rather than clinging onto them to give you more.

  13. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    23 posts
    30 December 2019 in reply to MissBenthos

    Hi MissBenthos,

    No, that would not be correct. I have had other men give me attention and I have in turn only been polite to them. He showed an interest in me first, and I had not shown interest in him up until a certain point. It's past the point now where we could have been in a relationship.

  14. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    23 posts
    30 December 2019 in reply to White Rose

    Hi White Rose,

    I think he definitely has a personality disorder. He is definitely abusive. He cheated on his ex-wife with so many women, and she takes him back so that he could have a relationship with their daughter.

  15. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    23 posts
    1 January 2020 in reply to MissBenthos

    Hi MissBenthos,

    I just feel so sad. I wish I spent Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day with him. He needs a friend. But he was so awful to me. He used to call me names. He used to ignore me whenever I tried opening up a conversation with him. There was no need for him to get an intervention order placed against me, and now this is likely to last a lifetime, all because I stalked him out of admiration and adoration. We could have spoken about this, adult to adult, but he chose to go running to the police, his safety blanket. And now I am being accused of stalking his young daughter by his himself, his ex-wife and his step daughter, when they know for a fact that I have never done this. He needs a friend, but he has got a legitimate mental disorder that prevents him from maintaining stable relationships with people.

  16. MissBenthos
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    1 January 2020 in reply to goldilocks

    Hi Goldilocks,

    I’m sorry to you are feeling so sad and hope you can feel better soon.

    At the end of the day you are not responsible for him and he is not responsible for you. This dynamic is not serving either of you. It’s time to let him make his own decisions and start focusing on yourself.

    There are so many people in this world. You can find those who are worthy of your time to have happy and healthy relationships with.

    Happy new year! I hope it’s a great one for you xo

    1 person found this helpful
  17. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    23 posts
    2 January 2020 in reply to MissBenthos
    I liked him because like him, my family treat me poorly.
  18. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    23 posts
    2 January 2020 in reply to MissBenthos

    Hi MissBenthos,

    I was admitted to hospital not once, but three times over a man who emotionally abused me with his narcissism, and was detained all three times because I stood my ground against him. His so called ex-wife and his step daughter (who is older than me) spread lies and indoctrinated their young daughter/sister into believing that I "sit and watch her" and that I "know what school she attends." This man and his ex-wife know for a fact that this inst true and are stirring trouble, for whatever reason. I hardly know the family and I think they're a bunch of rotten scumbags. I was in love with this man, and I did not go about showing him my feelings for him the right way. He knew this, and what does he do? He goes behind my back to get a restraining order against me. He used to flirt with me, full on. But I bet he failed to tell his happy family this.

  19. MissBenthos
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    141 posts
    5 January 2020 in reply to goldilocks

    Hi Goldilocks,

    It sucks big time when we have to be our own executioner - by that I mean cutting off the people we care for when we want nothing more than to be there with them - but in these types of situations the other person is never going to give you the closure you need. By allowing them in your mind you are allowing them to cause you unnecessary distress. You deserve more.

    There are relationships out there that people have moved on from even when the good outweighed the bad because the bad was unhealthy. This man and his family are not worth your agonising. What can you do to start thinking about life without them?

  20. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    23 posts
    23 February 2020 in reply to MissBenthos

    Hi MissBenthos,

    Do you have any suggestions?

  21. MissBenthos
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    141 posts
    24 February 2020 in reply to goldilocks

    Hi Goldilocks,

    An idea might be to find your hobbies and goals to focus on. What can you do for yourself? Join a sports team? A hobby group? Start working on a plan to meet personal or career goals? Spring clean your house? Volunteer? Join a class? Be creative? Meet new people?

    The professionals you see might have ideas for you too.

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