Hi BB friends,
Just wondering...what is your experience of workplace bullying (or bullying in any environment) and how do you get back up? How do you stay resilient in the face of stigma, derogatory judgement, gossip and rumour? How do you not feel the shame due to believing what they say.
I experience a mild/low level of workplace bullying. It is chronic and wears me down. It takes me to damaging depths. I question my personality everyday and reflect on what I can do better. People pleasing is not the answer. I have learnt to really hate myself.
I'm not a malicious person and never stir up trouble. I have social anxiety and can come across as unfriendly rather than shy. I think this could be one of the causes of the bullying. I try so hard to counteract this with varying success. It's a great day when it works.
Internally I cry, I rage, I disengage, I withdraw, I partially checkout of reality and the inner critic curls my brain into the foetal position. I'll just be honest here and admit I think of suicide. The brain just wants relief, is that so bad? Just to be clear, I have no intention of taking my life. I know I can ring Lifeline etc. I think suicidal curiosity goes hand in hand with being chronically unhappy or to use a term that is thrown around so much it virtually means nothing - Depression. Again, the brain just wants relief. Doesn't mean it's going to get it, via suicide that is.
I called Lifeline today after work and it helped. Lifeline can be hit or miss and luckily today was a hit.
For the record I'm looking for another job where I can be alone more. The bullying seems to occur in every workplace I enter so I'm the common denominator as they say.
How do you stay resilient or content or even happy at work in the face of bullying?