Welcome to the Healthy Families forums!

This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own!

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community and have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

  • share on Facebook
  • share on Twitter
  • Print page

Topic: Andrew, my best mate

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Skippa
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Skippa avatar
    7 posts
    5 January 2020

    I was there on the Saturday afternoon you were born and then on the Saturday you left us. It has been the thirteen longest years of my life and I mourn your passing every day. It is said that time heals all wounds but that is just a fallacy, this is one that wont heal until we meet again. I still feel an immense anger toward your treating Physician and his lack of concern on the day you passed.

    The death of my son brought great sorrow to all those who knew him. He was a very strong boy and had the nick name of 'Boof Head'. This he earned during a junior football game when he carried a number of the opposition on his back and scored a try. His greater passion though was baseball. He commenced playing tee-ball at age 5 and continued on through to senior level. While as a junior he represented the local area in the 'State Cup' competition. My boy's other passion was his own son.

    He passed away in February, 2006 after being in Hospital suffering from “Goodpasture Syndrome” in his lungs. For a month he was placed in an induced coma and was given chemo therapy, blood cleansing treatment, blood transfusions, treatment for this, that kind of treatment, nothing seemed to be fighting against this anti-body disease of unknown origin that had my son in it's grips. On January 30 that year while visiting him in Intensive Care, his mum, fiance and myself were taken aside, behind a curtain and I was to receive the worst birthday present any father could be given. The ICU Registrar advised us that because my eldest was so ill, he wasn't expected to make it through the night. A couple of weeks later they took him off the respirator and brought him out of the coma. The battle was over. My son had pulled through. As a celebration of his home coming, we all went for tea. It was a fantastic Friday night dinner. One I'll never forget.

    He passed away the following day.

    His funeral was held around 10 days after his parting. There were approximately 300 in attendance from all walks of life. School friends, baseball, work and even politics. I was amazed how many hearts he'd touched in some way in his short 23 years.

    Mate your death has affected me in a way that is just so hard to explain. I look forward to meeting and being with you in the after-life. Be it tomorrow or whenever.

     

  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    4158 posts
    5 January 2020 in reply to Skippa
    Hi. Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry to read of the loss of your son. No words I can say would take away any pain you might feel and if you ever want to have a chat I will be here to listen - my only comment is that it sounded like he was very much loved by his family and community
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Skippa
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Skippa avatar
    7 posts
    7 January 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    Thank you
  4. Seacat
    Seacat avatar
    5 posts
    1 February 2020 in reply to Skippa
    Skippa I am so sorry for your loss. I will never understand what it's like to lose a son.

    Have you been to grief counselling or a grief support group where you could discuss your feelings openly and face to face with others who are grieving?

    There is a lot to discuss in your story. From the unsympathetic doctor, to the sudden change in your son's health after the coma. I hope you have had a chance to discuss all of this fully with a professional.



  5. Skippa
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Skippa avatar
    7 posts
    14 February 2020 in reply to Seacat

    G'day Seacat,

    Thanks for your words of support. I was going to a grief councillor for about 6 weeks but ended up back in hospital, so never went back.

    I've had sessions with Psychologist also but the pain just never goes away.

    Skippa.

  6. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    4158 posts
    15 February 2020 in reply to Skippa

    There is no fixed length for the time of grief or overcoming the loss of a loved one and while many factors come into play, it is something that won't know until it happens - so it would be wrong for anyone to say to you that "you should be over it by now" or similar statements. And in some respects the pain may not go away, though less raw than it feels now.

    A practice from eastern beliefs that is slowly be adopted in the west is to maintain some sort of continuity with - this could be using photos, doing something your son liked, sort of ritual as a way of remembering. Whatever you do or not is purely personal.

    Again, if you feel it might help to write here, and tell the story of your son, or what you are feeling, I will be to listen and respond.

    Tim

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up