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Topic: Bub

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. TheLastSlice ofBread
    TheLastSlice ofBread avatar
    3 posts
    1 May 2021

    Remember when I loved you in primary school?

    I certainly do

    Claire and Kate painted your picture and made me kiss it
    It was some crazy childish plan to make me not like you

    Then in high school we met again
    But you went out with one of my friends

    I think the next time our paths crossed was year 10 when
    At your brothers party
    I finally felt like I could say I don’t want this to end

    I used to dream of a life together
    You and me forever

    You didn’t feel the same
    And at just sixteen of course you wanted to be out playing games

    I always thought I was on the outside of your the grove crew
    I didn’t realise how much we were alike and that this town also made you feel blue

    Just two days before
    I was thinking how we don’t speak anymore

    I made a choice
    To just leave it
    And I stupidly assumed your voice

    I feel narcissistic even writing this down
    Like my actions could have affected your mental merry go round

    But what if I just sent a message saying hey?

    Would you still be here today?
  2. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    9723 posts
    2 May 2021 in reply to TheLastSlice ofBread
    Dear TheLastSlice ofBread~

    Welcome back, I am sorry it is in such sad circumstances. As before you have captured your feelings in verse so well and If I’ve missed or misunderstood anything it is my lack, not yours.

    I understand for a long while, since young kids, you felt e very close attraction for Bub, and over the years tried to get close, however it never seemed to happen. Eventually you resigned yourself not to try again.

    Bud took their life and now you have a mountain or hurt, grief, loss and guilt to cope with.

    The feelings you have are those of any normal sensitive person, not only over the loss, but being buried in self-doubts -the guilt.

    How come “I didn’t realise how much we were alike and that this town also made you feel blue”. How were you to know? Not being there, not having been given signals, in fact it may well be no signals were ever given at all.

    The what ifs “what if I just sent a message saying hey?” You do not bear the burden of keeping another alive. You cannot possibly know the effect if by some random chance you had sent a message -you had no reason to – what it’s effect would have been. It takes those close, a medical team and a small spark from the person themselves to keep someone from taking their life.

    You are now the person that badly needs support, the pain and effect on you is very great. May I ask if you have someone you trust who cares about you to talk with often and lean on? A friend or family member perhaps? Trying to bear this alone is very hard. They do not have to ‘fix’, just listen and care.

    Can I also suggest you do talk with a professional to help you through. Griefline – 1300 845 745 is an excellent place with free counseling. They can listen and give advice, show tools to help you get by.

    I’d be grateful if you came back and talked more, In fact I'd welcome it

  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    14155 posts
    2 May 2021 in reply to TheLastSlice ofBread

    Hello TheLastSlice ofBread, a very warm welcome to the forums, and by writing down a very sad but beautiful verse has left a definite thought for all of us.

    In our lifetime, not everyone will struggle with a mental illness, but everyone may have a challenge with their mental well being, if that makes sense, no different than with our own physical well being and this can happen at any stage in our life.

    Our emotions, our thoughts and feelings, our ability to solve problems to overcome any difficulties which may include our friendships to try and understand why we try so much to keep them but may not be able to is always very sad.

    We only wish we were able to actually know what is going through their mind, sometimes they haven't been game enough to discuss with us, their closest or a distance friend where little communication has been achieved, but know there is a connection between these two people.

    Having good mental health means we are able to cope with problems, sort them out and cope with our lives, but if you or your friend suffers from a mental illness, then they struggle with negative thoughts and need help.

    Your thoughts are certainly well deserving and do hope we can hear back from you.


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