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Topic: Delayed greif

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Smilie
    Smilie avatar
    1 posts
    8 September 2019
    My partner and father of my 2 children of over 15 years passed away 14 years ago. I never got the time to grieve for him as my children were young and I had no time to fall in a heap so just kept on going on. But on the 14th year of him passing I'm finding myself starting the grieving process. I don't know what to do or how to feel or how to get through it. I have happily moved on and married to a wonderful man but finding myself crying and not being able to control the tears when they flow. Any answers on how to get through this would be grateful. I have made an appointment with my doctor to talk to him about it. I have cried my heart out to my husband, he wants to help but doesn't know how. Any help would be appreciated. Thanku
    2 people found this helpful
  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    3723 posts
    9 September 2019 in reply to Smilie

    Hi Smilie,

    welcome to beyond blue.

    how we move past the loss of someone near and dear to us is individual. At the time your partner passed away you felt it best to be strong and look after the kids etc. I would have no idea why the grieving process for you started recently. But the timing an length of time it may take is really individual - there is not set time.

    if I could give a little advice to your husband - all he needs to do for you at the moment is listen in this matter. It sounds as though he is supporting you here, and does not know how. The how is in the listening. And your talking and his listening you might be able to come to accept what happened those years ago and move on. This does not mean that you will forget about him. You have made an appointment with your doctor, this is also a good step. They may refer to you a counsellor or psychologist or similar. You speaking with your husband sounds like you would be able to speak about what you are going through with someone else, which means you allow yourself to be vulnerable (a good thing) and perseverance. I will also listen to you here in this space.

    Peace to you,

    Tim

  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    7932 posts
    9 September 2019 in reply to Smilie

    Hi Smilie, I'd like to join Tim in welcoming you here.

    First of all there is nothing wrong with grieving at any time even 14 years later. A groef counselor or whoever your GP recommends will help you.

    My neighbour lost his son in a car accident. He created a rose garden in his honour using his sons roses. I attend a hilltop when I'm thinking of my father. So we all have ways to cope. You might think of one?

    I commend you for your strength in coming forward and your husband for being so accepting and understanding in this period.

    Google

    Beyondblue topic coping with grief

    Beyondblue topic GRIEF

    Beyondblue topic crying, let it all out

    Repost anytime here or in those threads. Take care and it will all be ok.

    TonyWK

  4. Philomena
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Philomena avatar
    30 posts
    9 October 2019 in reply to Smilie

    Hi Smilie

    i hope I can help as I am completing my bereavement support course.

    Grief is a normal reaction and everyone grieves differently. The pain of the grief can never be taken away no matter what anyone may say.

    There are many emotional and physical reactions to grief. The emotional side is you will feel sad, fear, denial, numb, lonely, confused , angry and physically too you will feel head aches, body pain, shaking sweating, breathless , weight gain or loss and you will feel a sense of withdrawal too not wanting to take part in activities you did before .

    The first step is to accept the reality of the grief maybe have a memorial service in honour of your husband and work through the grief accept being sad, upset, angry and even though your husband is no longer there have an enduring connection with him in heart and mind by sharing his memories and biographies , Try to develop new skills for yourself, new activities and new friends so you keep occupied.

    You may also join a support group in your area where you meet others grieving too so you are not alone in your grief.

    I would be happy to help if you msg me here in anyway.

    You could also talk to someone whom you trust and whom you feel cares and is comfortable to share your pain with you.

    someone who can listen patiently without being non judgemental and allows you to talk and share your emotions.

    Stay strong .

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