I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm 63yo, male and have lost my brother in 1979 and uncle 2002 both from suicide. My dad passed away 1992, heart attack. My brother left a note.
This might seem odd to you but perhaps your dad didnt have any significant issues in his mind about his relationship with you that he didnt make a mention? That's how I'd take it. In fact I wasnt mentioned in my bros letter either.
The other important factor is- he was beyond doubt, unwell. Being unwell would rob him of focus on some topics, some people, some triggers or difficulties. He certainly wasnt his normal self.
For this reason he needs you to forgive him for missing you in his notes. Whatever process you have in carrying that out is for you to find.
Your father knew you wish to follow
Where ever he went in his footsteps
Through your childish boyish whim
You always followed him
And as eyes well up daily
as your grief compounds and you weep
No wonder he used a broom to sweep
To hide those footstep stencilled feet
But one day you'll see a print
Where he's walked in the misty tint
You place your foot inside that hole
It's not what he wants for your final goal
Sadness follows in your enept
It's something one day you will accept
But you'll be eager the day your feet will greet
Your father footstep stencilled feet...
Time is a good healer. Time also allows the best memories to surface.
We are here for you. Reply anytime.