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Topic: Help preparing for loss

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Lovebunch
    Lovebunch avatar
    1 posts
    12 October 2019

    My grandfather who I am very close to has had an unfortunate decline in his health and we have been told to start making preparations.

    I previously have lost my father and my grandmother and was not able to handle grief very well at all.

    Can anyone recommend any books, resources etc to help prepare for grief and cope with loss?

    Thank you in advance

  2. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    393 posts
    14 October 2019 in reply to Lovebunch

    Hi Lovebunch,

    Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here. I am sorry that these things have brought you here though, and hope that you'll find Beyond Blue helpful and supportive.

    I'm not sure that we can ever 'prepare' for grief - in the same way I don't think that we can prepare for heartbreak, or falling in love; the feelings can come with intensity that we might not expect, and there's no way to really know what we might feel. I think it's also important to know that sometimes people can experience 'anticipatory grief', which is like a type of grief before someone dies.

    With all that said though, you have asked for some resources, so I'll try and share some here

    - Find some things that give you comfort and routine

    - Be open to getting some extra support or seeing a counsellor. You don't have to wait for this.

    Here is a free resource that you can use anytime: https://griefline.org.au/get-support/

    - Do some journalling, or find a way to express how you're feeling. There are also grief prompts and grief journals that can help

    - 'It's okay not to be okay' by Megan Devine. Her blog (refugeingrief) might also be worth looking at too. I especially like her because she emphasises that there's no timeline or right way to feel

    - 'On Grief and Grieving' by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. She's the lady who talked about/invented the 5 stages of grief - I've especially liked it because it just normalises so many of the feelings and how unique grief can be for everyone

    - Validate validate validate. Whatever you're feeling, it's okay

    RT

  3. StaticRose51
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    StaticRose51 avatar
    12 posts
    12 November 2019 in reply to romantic_thi3f

    Hi lovebunch be gentle with yourself you are doing the best you can at the moment :) Sorry to hear about your lost I lost my grandmother on my dads side and to be honest it's still a little raw. Considering i never got to meet her an impromtu e-mail from my uncle was a bit upsetting. It was just so cold and impersonal I feel like she deserved to be better remembered. I would also have liked to do something for her....since i live too far away to have attended the funeral. My father does not even want to talk to me at the moment which is ok i am giving him time because his father recently passed so it's a bit like floundering in an ocean of grief.

    Right now I am close to my grandmother on my mother's side and her health is deteriorating rapidly so am in preparations to make life a bit more comfortable for her to try to get back to day to day living or what is left. Spending a lot of time sleeping and has little to no interest in coming out to see the sunshine and fresh air with me. To top it all off the lead up to Christmas is nearly here in full swing. Sad to think these next couple of months could be our last as a family.

    What romantic Theif has mentioned are all good examples i second reaching out to a counsellor if you can. They can help tremendously if you no one else you'll definitely have them to offer more support. Also ask for some cbt and alternative therapies if it gets a little too hard to manage and you need help surfing the big waves.

    All the best with your endeavors and hope you'll keep in touch :)

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