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Topic: I am so lost at present...does time really help?

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. CarlsC
    CarlsC avatar
    1 posts
    20 December 2019
    I lost my mum 2 weeks ago tonight. Since her passing, I don't feel like I am present at some points during the day (if that makes sense?) I am so very fortunate I have had an amazing amount of support from close friends and family, but I feel like I am failing my family (husband & 3 young children) I am not sleeping well at all, my mind is constantly ticking and thinking of so many things, it just won't switch off. My husband has been more than incredible, but I feel so guilty that I am not helping him in the capacity that I usually do. I have this overwhelming sense that I have to be strong for my kids and that I must get on with life as the way it was vs then not having the time to adequately grieve the loss of my mother, who I loved so much. I am just so lost. I feel that I am overwhelmed with not being able to control my emotions the way in which I usually can. I am unsure as to what to do next? Should I seek medical advice re: not sleeping? Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Flowertop
    Flowertop avatar
    18 posts
    20 December 2019 in reply to CarlsC

    Hi CarlsC

    I truely am so sorry for your loss. My mother passed away a few years ago and I could not believe how big the grief was. I am totally hearing you. The pain of her loss was so intense, it was unbearable. I did not realise how much mothers hold the family together and how much I loved my mum. You are so fortunate to have a mother that you loved so much. I felt really lost for a long time but that does pass, it has to or the world would not function.
    It has only been 2 weeks for you and that really is not long. All the firsts are about to happen and Christmas will probably be very emotional for you. Let those around you carry and support you at this time.
    I think it is ok to cry around your children, I know mine at the time would ask me what’s wrong and I would just tell them the truth, ‘ I am sad’. They would play around me when I was not functioning. I loved it and felt comforted when my mum would be in my dreams and still do but that happens rarely nowadays. Strange as it sounds but it’s always good to see her.
    I think it’s always good to see your doctor if you are feeling overwhelmed.
    Take care and be kind to yourself

  3. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    282 posts
    21 December 2019 in reply to CarlsC

    Hi CarlsC,

    welcome to the forums.

    I am also sorry to hear about your loss, and what Flowertop says about 2 weeks is not much time is so true. Everyone deals with grief and loss differently, so how you deal with it is normal for you and if anyone would tell you differently ....

    The first time I saw my mum cry was as a adult when her own mother died. She was with us for Christmas and got that phone call. I did not know initially what the issue but found out shortly thereafter. I don't know how young your children are, and perhaps they are missing their grandmother also - a chance to talk to them about love and family.

    Perhaps your husband and friends might be able to give you additional support at this time - maybe making dinner, or looking after the shopping, listening to you. You are definitely not failing your family, you are doing the best that you can in a distressing time. You are only human. Try to be kind to yourself.


  4. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    539 posts
    21 December 2019 in reply to CarlsC

    CarlsC ,

    am very sorry for the loss of your mum. As Tim and flowerpot have said in their thoughtful and supportive posts, 2 weeks is a very short time.I know it may seem like a long time to you but this is thery eraly stages of grieving.

    The thing about grief is everyone can experience it in any way and there is no use by date. Just go with your feelings, cry, rest, talk, write, do whatever you want to and whatever helps. The first three months are very intense and difficult. Go with your emotions and don't worry about being strong you are strong as strong people show their emotions and by showing your children how sad you are they can see that is ok to display their emotions. Repressing grief can lead to problems down the track. Grieve in your own way.

    My mum died nearly 20 years ago and even though I do not experience that intense grief that you are now, I still have the odd cry and I miss her.

    Take care of yourself. Write here when you want you, you are not alone and there is support here.

    Thanks for writing this thread and sharing your emotions honestly.


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