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Topic: I have lost my sister and don't know how to cope

14 posts, 0 answered
  1. Evarosie
    Evarosie avatar
    3 posts
    22 July 2016

    Hi all,

    I have never posted in anything like this before but i just really need to pour my heart out.

    I lost my beautiful sister 8 weeks ago. She was 31. She died suddenly due to an accident. We were extremely close and spoke multiple times a day. We shared everything and she is a huge part of who i am.

    I replay the morning she died over and over in my head. I will never forget it.

    I miss her terribly. I ache for her. I don't want to get out of bed anymore. I cry all day. I think of her constantly. I don't know how to live without her.

    She didnt want to die. I feel so awful for her. She would be devasted this happened to her. I want to protect her and i can't. I should of prevented this happening somehow. She was too important to be gone.

    I have 3 kids and i go through the motions every day but i have lost the best part of me. I feel sick that i am young and have to live through this for a long time. It cant be real.

    I talk to her all day. I write to her constantly. Of course she never responds. So many things we shared. So many things that only she would understand. ...its all lost.

    No one loves me like she does. No one understands me like she does. I just want this pain to go away and for her to speak to me.

    I dont know what to do anymore.

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9781 posts
    22 July 2016 in reply to Evarosie

    Hi, welcome

    What a beautiful sister you are. Such powerful words of love. If ever I've read such a tribute to a sibling that defines ones care its yours above.

    And if we go by the theory that there are often positives out of negatives, imagine how many lost souls are reading your post right now.... Thinking about whether to reunite with their own estranged sibling?

    You think about her all the time. I did also when I lost my older brother and dad. So I dedicated my thoughts on what and how I did things.

    5 years after my dad dief , my marriage over I began to build my own home. Every weatherboard, every nail was met with dedication to my young daughters future and my dad being proud of me.

    Perhaps you can think if ways to channel her love? It isn't easy. But I worked out a long time ago what we can't change we have to improvise.

    Along with the greatest healer....time

    Thankyou for posting.

    Tony WK

  3. Evarosie
    Evarosie avatar
    3 posts
    22 July 2016 in reply to white knight

    Hi Tony,

    Thank you for responding. It means more than you know.

    I will put some thought into how i can channel my love for her.

    Right now i just want this nightmare to end. I feel so alone without her beside me.

  4. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    22 July 2016 in reply to Evarosie
    Oh hunny I'm so sorry for your loss. Wish I could come on over and give u a big hug right now but virtual it is xx Her soul will always be with you this I know. I am an earth angel and very in tune with the spirit world. I can assure you she is hearing every word and seeing everything you are writing xx She may not come to you straight away but she will and you will feel her presence. A beautiful soul taken way too soon. I'm glad you are with us crying will help you to heal I know it may seem like forever but one day things will seem a little easier. Grieving is never easy I empathise with you I too lost my best friend (I would call her my sister because I've never had a sister and we did everything together as sisters do) back in my last year of high school hers wasn't an accident she ended her life. :( Her Drug addiction got the better of her. It took me almost 10 years to accept she was only going to be with me in spirit. We too were very young we were only just 17 yrs old. Believe me time is the healer it does get easier my thoughts and heart is with you in this time xx please talk to us as much as you need 2 xx Venessa
    1 person found this helpful
  5. Evarosie
    Evarosie avatar
    3 posts
    22 July 2016 in reply to Fairywings

    I hope she hears me Venessa. I speak to her all the time. If i knew for sure she was out there still it would be better than her just ceasing to exist.

    I don't know how to get through it. I just feel so alone without her here. Life is so enpty.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9781 posts
    23 July 2016 in reply to Fairywings

    Hi again evarosie

    Grief us a process however unpredictable. To help you with this I often recommend you go onto YouTube and seek out a wise man that has helped me during some hard times.

    Google...maharaji prem rawat sunset

    Maharaji prem rawat the perfect instrument

    And many more

    Tony WK

  7. White Rose
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    White Rose avatar
    6325 posts
    23 July 2016 in reply to Evarosie

    Dear Evarosie

    Hello, it's good to hear from you. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I can appreciate the grief and pain in your life and I want to briefly tell you about the loss of my sister and mom. I know it won't take away your pain now but I want to give you hope.

    My mom died after a fall and stay in hospital. She lived in the UK and no one told me until just before she died, when it was too late to get there and say goodbye. This was in 1999 and she died on Christmas Day. I managed to get there for her funeral. After I returned to Oz I cried everyday for months because she had gone. It was the most searing pain and I imagine this is how you feel.

    I know part of your loss is because your sister died at such a young age and you cannot share your future as you both expected. And part of the pain is the feeling of a huge hole ripped into you that hurts constantly. This is how I felt about my mom. I know she was much older and we are all going to die, but the reality always takes us by surprise.

    My sister had cancer, had a number of operations and lots of chemo. After a while the cancer had returned so often she was unable to fight any more. I did get to see not long before her death and I knew the pain she suffered. I'm glad I was with her for a while.

    The worst of the raw grief has gone and it will go for you also. At the moment every thought hurts. Sometimes I just curled up in pain and grief. I wanted you to know how I felt because at times like this we believe we are alone and no one knows or cares about our loss. I care that you are going through this time and I wish I could stop your pain, but I can't. All I have is the assurance that it does get better.

    My sister wrote poetry I discovered and she had always wanted to it published. I promised her I would do that and I did. It was hard at first reading her poetry and it made me cry because I was not reading it with her. I did get her work published. I needed to get over my own pain to some extent first. I gave several copies to my niece, her daughter, and she was so thrilled. I believe it helped her to manage her loss also.

    As others have suggested, doing something in memory of your sister or anything that she would have liked and been proud of you for accomplishing, will help you at this time. I do scrapbooking and had pleasure in scrapbooking my sister's and mom's lives. Can you do anything of this sort? Whatever you choose will be right. Keep on writing in here, it will help.

    Mary

  8. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    23 July 2016 in reply to Evarosie
    I know u do sweety she does That i can say bc even when my bf left i felt so empty and lost she finally gave me a sign that she didn't want me to feel like this anymore and so learning to live without her by my side got a little easier to do. How i got thru i would go and sit at her grave and just cry to her everyday i know its harder with 3 kids until the day came and i didn't cry i laughed with her that's how i knew she was helping me to get thru grieving for her i had shared these moments with her until her parents flew her back to Sweden so all I have now is memories but its ok i know she is always around she comes and goes this took its time but it happened xx always here for you xx Venessa
  9. Kate Cecilia
    Kate Cecilia avatar
    1 posts
    29 July 2016 in reply to Evarosie

    Hi Evarosie,

    I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I lost my younger sister to a car accident just over 5 years ago, she was 19, me 21. It may not feel like it right now, but I promise you that time is a wonderful healer, and whilst it never gets easier you do find ways to carry your loss, and the load becomes lighter.

    My sister had a wonderful fearless energy, she was so generous and kind, and I strive to draw on these characteristics in everything that I do. I have a few pieces of clothing and jewellery that I wear (some daily, some occasionally) to help me feel close to her. I channeled my grief into creativity and taught myself how to sew. I try my hand at baking (something she loved) every so often just to feel I am honouring or remembering her.

    It might be useful for you to channel your grief into things that help you to feel closer to your sister, or to help keep her with you throughout the day, or simply to find joy in things she did or things you liked to do together. I miss my sister everyday, but I also know that she is with me every day if I need her.

    Much warmth and strength to you. xxx

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Carmela
    Carer champion
    • Family/friends of loved ones with anxiety/depression who have volunteered their time to support other carers here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Carmela avatar
    183 posts
    29 July 2016

    Hi Evarosie,

    I am so sorry for your lose. You have received some wonderful advice from others already but l was wondering if you have considered joining a support group? There are many Facebook groups where people share a common experience and help each other out.

    There is also a series of books titled 'Grief Diaries' which cover loss of a sibling. It might help to understand how others have coped and what they did to bring light back into their day.

    Grieving takes time so be gentle with yourself.

    Carmela x

    1 person found this helpful
  11. MNK
    MNK avatar
    2 posts
    5 November 2021

    Hi Evarosie,

    I came across your post in my desperate attempt to connect with someone in a similar situation as me. 2 weeks ago I lost my 31 yr old gorgeous sister in a freak accident. She was 6 years younger to me. She was crossing a suburban road at a zebra crossing and was hit by a car. She died on the spot. She had so much to offer to life. She was an amazing person. She had worked hard to get where she was. She has a wonderful husband and they loved each other so much, he is devastated and I am worried for him.
    I feel so guilty that I have a seemingly perfect life with a husband and two kids and great job, and she has been robbed of hers. I don’t know how will I ever come to terms with this. I feel like a part of me has died. I am worried that I will just “move on” with my routine and seldom remember her. I am worried that I’m not making any new memories with her. I am sad that she was unable to experience life.

    I hope you see my message. I note your sister passed away 5 years ago. I am really sorry for your loss, how are you doing so many years later? Does anything change? Do you have anything that might help me see the way? I have lost faith and no longer have a foundation upon which to live life.

  12. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    6840 posts
    5 November 2021 in reply to MNK
    Hi MNK,

    Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here.

    We are so sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your sister and that you have lost faith and no longer have a foundation upon which to live life. We understand this must be such a difficult time for you, so please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

    If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

    We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

    We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums.
  13. Latisha.
    Latisha.   avatar
    1 posts
    11 December 2021

    I am so sorry for your loss firstly!

    i too have lost my sister 8 weeks ago. She was my big sister my best friend and kind of a second mum as there was 11 years between us. I am. Not sure if I am grieving properly. I don’t cry I miss her dearly. But there is so much going on. My dad is now in hospital with advanced dementia and my husband is telling me I am useless and I am working full time I just don’t know how to cope me all I want to do is scream and go simplex’s where no one knows who I am

  14. Oshinxx1
    Oshinxx1 avatar
    2 posts
    14 January 2022
    I lost my sister 6 months ago suddenly and I only recently been given a vague answer to how she died, there are still a lot of unanswered questions regarding her death. I lost my Mother suddenly a year ago which has devastated me and now my sister I am riddled with anxiety and depression. It has completely changed my world.

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