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Topic: I lost my dog to sudden illness, the grief is too strong

  1. Tradie Lady
    Tradie Lady avatar
    14 posts
    23 January 2020
    Hi there

    I lost my dog a week ago to sudden illness. He was only 3.5yrs old and he was my everything. He was my first dog that I rescued from a shelter. He provided me with such support and gave me a purpose to keep going. Last year I started IVF and currently 2 rounds have failed and he was there to let me know I was loved and needed.

    Having him suddenly take ill and then dying has shocked me to my core. I can't be in my home alone as he is everywhere I look. I feel so guilty that I couldn't save him and miss him so terribly that I feel like the grief will swallow me whole. I don't know how to function or move forward knowing he is not by my side. My boy was everything and now I have lost purpose.
  2. Aaronsis
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    23 January 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    Hi Tradie Lady

    Firstly welcome, it is so hard to manage to write a post and I wanted to say that it is so great that you have reached out to get some help and support during this time.

    Grief is so fierce and comes in waves and effects everyone so very differently that it is really hard to say what the right way to go through this process is, but it is a process and you will get through this time. I am somewhat coming out the other side of grief at the moment so I can empathize with the feelings of pain, of sadness, or totally helplessness and anger that you could not do anything, the unanswered questions. It really is so tough and it totally consumes you.

    I didn't lose a pet but my brother who died by suicide just 6 months ago, so the shock and the unpreparedness if that is the word I am looking for, is just so great, you were not ready for this, you didn't have time to get used to the idea that he was sick, it just came and hit you over the back of the head, that is the hard part too.

    I am so very sorry for your loss and it is heartbreaking when your key support has now gone, and on top of going through IVF which I can only imagine is an emotional journey also. You have so much on your plate and I am so very sorry that you are going through this pain.

    I think sitting with it and allowing yourself to cry and to acknowledge that you are hurting is so very helpful. Take the time you need, do not let anyone tell you how to do this, you will find your way and what works for you is what you should do. I did find writing helpful however, just to purge on some paper and get it all out and to let the emotion and the feelings out, that really was good.

    I hope you have someone you can call to chat with or to have a coffee with and sit and just remember your beautiful dog, the role he played in your life and to let these feelings out.

    We are here to support you through this time and to chat and to provide you with some comfort Tradie Lady.

    My heartfelt condolences to you and I am so very sorry.

    Hugs to you

    Sarah

  3. Annie40
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    1 posts
    23 January 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady
    I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my first dog in 2017 to an illness and I wish I could have done more. The guilt was so suffocating. I found it so hard to want to keep living. We had him for 12 years but it doesn’t matter how long you have them they change your life instantly and give so much love. Unfortunately we loss our beautiful boy a year after I loss my daughter when I was 15 weeks pregnant. She was due on the same day as my dogs birthday. 13th January. Each year I struggle around this date. I wish they were both still here. I now have two beautiful dogs who I love so much. I never ended up having a child. I had multiple miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy were I nearly died so my husband said no more. Life is so hard.
  4. Tradie Lady
    Tradie Lady avatar
    14 posts
    24 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    thank you Sarah

    I am so sorry for the loss you have also had to endure, that kind of loss also leaves a lot of questions for you no doubt, but from the way that you write I feel you have so much love and compassion and you need to remember and draw on that.

    It has been a week today since I lost my boy and people tell me that every day will get easier, but right now it feels like the worst groundhog day with no way out. I know that I loved my boy so much and gave him everything I could, also realising that perhaps I put more into him because we have not been blessed with a real child of our own. Feeling like I failed as a dog parent makes me question my lack of being able to be a real parent and if they are connected.

    thank you for reaching out Sarah and saying kind words to a stranger. It means a lot to me.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Aaronsis
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    24 January 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    Hi Tradie Lady

    I am so glad to chat to you some more, we are here for you and we care so very much.

    Thank you so very much for those kind words about my brother, the loss is great but no different really to yours, we all have pain and your dog was very much apart of your family as my brother was mine.

    People do say it gets easier with time, in my experience the tears slow down, the pain does soften however I know I am a different version of me and that I wont be the same again, the same might be true for you. With healing you do get put back together again but a different version of who you were before, which is ok, it is just different. They say time heals, I think time just makes it different, we will not ever really be healed.

    I can so very much understand that you feel now that you could not save your dog so how can you ever manage to raise and take care of a human....the thing is you most certainly can, that this event has no bearing on your capabilities and I understand that doubt you have as I too have been down that path. I thought "how now do I identify in my own children if they are suicidal if I cannot even see it in my own brother?"...I have learnt so many things in my healing journey and you will too Tradie Lady, this line of thinking is unavoidable but it is also not truth. I can only hear how much love and how very much apart of your family your dog was, how much he was apart of your daily life and what a support he was to your time of struggle with IVF....all I am hearing is a wonderful woman who is one day going to make an outstanding and loving mother.

    You are not a stranger to me Tradie Lady, you are apart of this caring and supportive family and we are happy to have you hear and to care for you at this time.

    I am thinking that perhaps you could make a nice little tribute to your beautiful dog with either a nice plant or a flower that you have in the garden that you can take care of and visit and love just like you would him. A place to remember and reflect, that sometimes really helps too.

    Huge hugs to you and be kind to you, you have alot on your plate and you deserve something that makes you feel good about you, a massage, a picnic with your partner..something that can warm you heart.

    Sarah xxx

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Tradie Lady
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    14 posts
    28 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis
    Hi Sarah

    thank you for taking the time to respond to me and say the kind things that you have. I really do appreciate it. I am really struggling with when it hits me and the grief overwhelms me that I feel like I will burst and then having moments of calm and being able to think of him and remember all the things that made me smile.

    I am also really trying to tackle this I guess unconscious notion that if I make it through another day, then the pain won't be as bad? We got out of Sydney for a few days over the long weekend to try and decompress a little, but the grief and then guilt was a nasty new combo. It feels like a really bad dream sometimes and he will come back to me. But I know that he is not and that is when the grief crashes in. It's also making me not want to engage with friends as I get mad that they have all that I want - I dont want to be that person. It all just feels really ugly right now.
  7. Aaronsis
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    28 January 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    Hello Tradie Lady and it is great to hear from you again.

    Grief as you are learning is a process and as you said, one day or even one moment you feel OKish and the next you are all bent out of shape and ready to explode, I get that and that is what is was like for me too. I think too you are also grieving the baby that you don't have so this makes for a double lot of pain and this is really so very much to have to manage. I am so sorry you are going through this, it really is so hard and so very much.

    It is totally "human" to look at our friends and be "jealous" or "envious" of what they have and especially if it comes easily to them and you are doing everything in your power and it is not coming to you. I get it that you don't want to be that jealous or angry or envious person, it does not make you a bad person. It is human nature to want things in life and when we see others getting them and not us it does hurt. Then to add on top of this the pain that you are going through with your dog it really does amplify things for you.

    I hope your friends are understanding and are able to support you and your partner through this time, it might even be the case that you need to ask a friend if you can catch up with them alone. You may or may not feel comfortable in explaining why but maybe having a coffee and a chat without their kids around might be better for you.

    I am so happy to hear that you got a chance to go away and have some time with some new scenery, that is really great and I hope that you were able to have some peace from this guilt and pain over this time.

    As I said before to you, it does change and you wont always feel this bad, you will possibly be a different version of you and that is fine too, but the pain and guilt does soften. There is hope Tradie Lady.

    Huge hugs to you

    Sarah xx

  8. Tradie Lady
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    14 posts
    29 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis
    Thank you Sarah - your kindness and patience with me is overwhelming and I thank you for taking time to deal with me.

    I read what you say and hope that at some point this pain will dull. It caught me off guard this morning walking to the station; thinking of when my boy was in the hosptial and he was brought out to us vor a visit, looking like he was recovering. I even took him for a short walk. I felt hope, I felt OK. To think that was taken from me and this is now my reality is suffocating. He's never coming back to me and nothing makes sense.
    1 person found this helpful
  9. Aaronsis
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    29 January 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    Good morning sweet lady and it is my pleasure to be here to talk to you at this horrendous time in your life.

    Isn't that the hardest part when it does just come up out of nowhere and give you something that you didn't expect? It is hard and there is no time line to this and that is also another hard thing to digest, it is just day by day and taking each memory and each thought and sitting with it and then letting it move on. I sometimes think that these little moments help in preparing us for other challenges in life, not necessarily grief and help in our building of resilience. I used to remind myself of that sometimes and almost talk myself through wondering how and who I am going to be on the other side of this experience.

    Also just remember that there is nothing wrong at all with crying and letting this grief out, take the time to move through each stage as it really is a process, and even sometimes when you feel like you are doing much better you do get one of those times that comes and surprises you, and that is fine too.

    I am just so happy to hear that you felt hope and that you felt OK, and that is a really great sign that you can accept this process too.

    My heart goes out to you Tradie Lady and I think you are doing so very well and I am so proud that you have reached out here and chatting and getting your feelings out.

    Huge hugs to you.

    Sarah xx

  10. Seacat
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    5 posts
    31 January 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    Your post really resonates with me, because I felt a sense of purposelessness as well, when my cat died. I suppose our pets give us something to nurture and look after, so when they pass away, we're often left with nothing to do in that regard. The fact that your dog was a rescue probably added to your feeling that there was a purpose to taking care of your dog. You should be proud of choosing a rescue, in the end you helped that dog, and gave it what sounds like a great 3 or 4 years. Perhaps you fulfilled one of your purposes with regards to this dog, it sounds like you did all you could.

    When my cat died I went to the shelter regularly to spend some time with the animals there. It got me out of the house and I also felt like I was maybe helping other animals. That was the main way I was able to move through my grief. I didn't feel I was that close to my cat, but as with your dog, I felt that she helped me in some tough times, mainly with anxiety, just by sitting with me. I also felt like something was missing from my life, in your case it has been pregnancy, in my case it was employment. So once again I feel your story is familiar to me and probably other pet owners.

    I'm sorry for your loss.

  11. Tradie Lady
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    14 posts
    10 February 2020 in reply to Seacat
    Thank you Seacat.

    It defintely has felt like we are being punished for something, but I have learnt that sitting with the grief when it hits is OK as it gets the feelings out rather than swallowing them. Yes his life was short and I still get angry that he was taken from us too young, but I have been remembering when I brought him home and the troubles we had with him and then the beautiful dog he turned into and the joy he brought me. That is what I am trying to hold on, not the unfairness of it.

    My therapist has said that the grief that we feel is a reflection of the love we had - and that we have the capacity to grieve and love at the same time. I am trying to focus on that.
    2 people found this helpful
  12. Tradie Lady
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    14 posts
    10 February 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    I really appreicate your ongoing support, thank you. The grief has been coming in waves, I mainly feel it at night in the dark that he is not with me. But I am learning that I can think of him and whilst still feel tears, I can remember the love that he brought me and my husband and whilst I still get angry that he was taken unfairly, I know that we loved him every day that we had him and I hope that he knew that too.

    We went and visited some dogs over the weekend as we have decided that the house is too empty without the patter of dogs around us. I have been reflecting on the time we had with him and how challenging he was in the beginning to where he was when he left us. He had developed into a beautiful dog and we want to give that to another.

    We ended up meeting 2 gorgeous cattle dogs (not related at all) and each taking a liking to each of us. We have the capacity to love both so we have decided to adopt both and give them all the love we can. I need to look forward and not live in a past I cannot change. Doesnt mean I dont have days when I hate the world and trauma its caused me but I am trying to come back to moving forward.

    We also get my beautiful boy's ashes this week so I know that it is going to be difficult for me to experience that finality.

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Aaronsis
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    10 February 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    Good Morning Tradie Lady

    I am so happy to hear that you have welcomed two new fur babies into your home, how very wonderful this is that you have given hope and love to two other animals.

    I am so proud of you for the journey you have been on and that you are embracing the pain and the sadness and accepting that is it ok, that it is apart of the love you felt, after all grief really is just love with no where to go....it will take time and it will sneak up on you from time to time but I think your attitude and your patience with this process is outstanding and you are doing so very well to be kind to you and to let yourself move through these stages.

    Getting the ashes will be tough too, but once again, just let yourself feel the pain and acknowledge the love and the sadness and know you are an amazing mum to those animals and they are so extremely lucky to have you.

    Always here for you Tradie Lady, huge hugs to you, and to your new doggies as well.

    Sarah xxx

  14. Guest_201
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    10 February 2020

    Hi Tradie Lady, sorry that I'm just seeing your post and replying now.

    I'm so very sorry to hear of your Dog's sudden passing because of an illness, and the fact that your rounds of IVF have failed. I can't imagine how much you must be going through at the moment.

    Just remember - there is no time limit on grieving for animals and humans. As hard as it is, try to remember all of the times you had with them, I know it's difficult because you can't have those moments back and you can't create any more memories. I've lost humans and animals in my life too so believe me, I know how hard it is.

    I hope that your IVF eventually works for you, I can't imagine how hard that must be. But good on you for joining these forums and reaching out to people whilst you're struggling, that in itself takes a lot of courage so well done.

    I wish I could give you a hug, but here's a virtual hug through the forums from me to you. I'm really sorry that you're struggling so much, and I hope things get better as much as they can real soon for you.

    I'm sorry that I can't be of anymore help, but please know that I care and would like to support you in any way I can. I'm very sorry for your struggles.

    Love and hugs,

    Tayla

  15. Tradie Lady
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    14 posts
    14 February 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    I am really overwhelmed by your kindess and time you are taking to respond to my posts, I really do appreciate your advice and not making me feel like I am overreacting to this situation.

    Last night was one of the hardest nights since I lost my boy. We got his ashes. I knew it was coming and I knew it would be awful, but the overwhelming finality of it and the grief was suffocating. Holidng his collar and knowing he is only dust now was just too much to comprehend. I lit a candle for him and cried until I couldn't breathe. I felt so conflicted as we are picking up our new puppies tomorrow so I really struggled with still feeling this immense loss of Gryff, but also knowing we are opening our home to save some new dogs from being left in a pound or bouncing from foster carer to foster carer.

    I wonder sometimes if we jumped back in too early, but the silence of our home is too much. I also wonder if people will think we are jumping in too early.

  16. Aaronsis
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    14 February 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    Hi Tradie Lady

    It is really great to hear from you, I am so sorry that yesterday was so very much to manage and that the finality of the process has been realised. It is so hard to hold those ashes and to know that the love you had is all in this small box and you all you have left. Holding the collar too would have been very traumatic as once again, a visual reminder that you dont have Gryff anymore and only the memories.

    I was great that you could sit with the grief and allowed yourself to cry and to let yourself feel the love and the pain and all the emotions, it is so very important and part of the process.

    I think only you know the answer to your question about if you have "jumped back in too early", and as you said, the lack of "dog" in your home was too much to bear, so not only have you done the most wonderful thing to give 2 dogs a beautiful loving home but you will also provide a distraction for your grief, not to say it will not rise up from time to time, of course it will but you have done what is right for you. I would not worry too much about what other people think or say, they are not living through this and only you know what is right for you.

    Lighting a candle and having that moment sounds really beautiful and you can light that candle from time to time if you need to sit with the feelings and to just remember and be with the memories of gryff.

    Sending you all my love and strength at this time, also some joy too as you welcome the newest additions to your home, I can't wait to hear how they settle in.

    Huge to you Tradie Lady xxx

    Sarah xxx

  17. Tradie Lady
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    14 posts
    2 March 2020 in reply to Aaronsis
    Hi Sarah

    I wanted to check in and share where I am at. thank you for your ongoing support.

    We have had our new boys for just over 2 weeks now and they are beautiful boys. They are settling in well and have allowed for a distraction for some of the time. I am still feeling guilty and sad that I don't yet feel the same way about them as I did my boy gryff, as he was very much my companion and pal. I still cry about him most days when one of the new boys does something that reminds me of him. Its still so hard and if anything makes me miss him even more.The older of the new pups knows when I am sad and insists on kissing my tears away bless him, it just feels so different. I know its never going to be the same and I can't compare the 2 dogs to my gryff, but sometimes I feel myself doing it.

    We are also trying again with the IVF as I feel the time slipping away from me in that respect. Its this complete change that I am struggling with and how to accept this change in path that still haunts me.

    I hope you are well Sarah x
  18. Aaronsis
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    2 March 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    Hey Tradie Lady

    It is so great to hear from you and I am so glad that even though it is tough, that you are making your way forward with your healing journey. The thing is that gryff was a huge part of not only your life but your emotional being. He provided you so much more than just a companion. These are things that cannot be suppressed in a few months or with the arrival of your new babies, and nor should they be. He will forever live in your heart and so it is only natural I think to draw comparisons to him and to your new dogs, this is not to say that you are feeling like these new dogs are not "meeting the standard", just as people are different they are all different too. That is so very sweet that the older one seems to be so in tune with your tears, perhaps he is not showing just yet the true role he will come to play in your life but it seems to me that a very strong bond had been formed and he is very much in tune with you.

    You are right in that it wont be the same, and that is ok too. I think when they say "time heals all wounds" that is not so much true for me...perhaps it will not be true for you too...I think time makes things different, you learn to cope, you learn how to manage the tears and how to live with the pain...it doesn't go away is my experience. I accept that, I allow myself the time to cry and I let the pain live there with me. Maybe this is something you can think about too, instead of trying to make the pain stop and make it go away, sometimes accepting it and letting it be there and almost making it your friend helps. It doesn't rule your life but you let it be there and acknowledge it when you have to.

    All the very best with your next round of IVF, it is such an emotional time and I wish you and your partner every bit of love, success and joy in this journey.

    So great to chat to you some more Tradie Lady

    Huge hugs

    Sarah xxx

  19. Sweesoft
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    5 posts
    9 March 2020
    I have 2 lovely dogs and though I know they will be gone in 10 yrs time the least I can't imagine the pain it will be caused me. I am so sorry for your loss.
  20. Tradie Lady
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    14 posts
    8 April 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    I hope you have been keeping safe and well with all the chaos thatis COVID-19. Its been a while since I checked in and need to today. Its Gryff's 'gotcha' or 'birthday'. He would have been 4. It feels so raw all over again and looking at photos and knowing that I never get to hug him again has been brutal today. ALso working from home now I cannot escape his memory or my grief. I know that you can't escape grief, but today just feels like I am drowning.

    Our IVF also didnt work again and as a result of the COVID-19, we are on a permanent hiatus until it is safe to do anything again. I feel very lost and alone today, even though I have my husband and my 2 new beautiful dogs here, it's Gryff I want to comfort me and I want to hug him so badly. I have tried to be so positive and move forward with life and still talk to gryff often - but today just feels like I have gone back to the day it happened.

    I hope you are safe and well and taking care of yourself also.

    x

  21. Aaronsis
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    8 April 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    Hello Tradie Lady

    It is really great to chat to you some more and I am glad that you have come to chat if you are struggling, I hope I can help you through today.

    Firstly, happy 4th birthday Gryff, he will be with you forever so it is obvious that you will celebrate his birthday, the only sad thing is that he is not there and that makes it so very hard. I have only two weeks ago been through the very thing you are, my brother's 20th birthday. We were to lay his ashes and be together as a family, due to this virus I was not able to be there, my dad and his wife went ahead and it really broke me that I could not be there for the occasion and to support them...BUT....I made some cookies, I had a cake, I talked alot about him and had a cry and remembered how we used to do things. It was a hard day but I wanted to do what we would have had be been alive, this made me feel like he matters, cos he does and so does Gryff, he always will.

    Can you do something today that is special, like make a cake or even light a candle, just something to help you mark the occasion, it really does help.

    It is totally fine too to be still grieving Tradie Lady, there is no time limit or rules on this so please don't beat yourself up about mourning. You will have days as you know that you manage the pain and you think of Gryff fondly and smile, then there are the other days like today when it hurts so bad and you are devastated. It is all apart of the process and sometimes we move forward and then we find ourselves a few steps back.

    I am so very sorry that your lasted IVF didn't work out, that must be so very hard on top of this as well. It is a really tough time with what is going on and that doesn't help either. These times are really challenging and not knowing how long we are going to be doing this for is also confronting too. I know this is absolutely no consolation however I feel like being pregnant at this time would not be ideal, especially the appointments in hospitals etc..I know that this is not any consolation for you but it is a very tricky time with hospitals and you are probably best away from those. Please don't think I am trying to minimize your IVF and the pain you are going through, I most certainly am not.

    I am here for you to chat as much as you need, I hope I have helped today. I dont feel like I have xxx

    Huge hugs

    Sarah xxx

  22. Tradie Lady
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    8 April 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    I am so sorry that you are also have to experience these feelings, especially when you cannot be with your family to share what is such a hard time. I am so grateful that you are taking time out to think of others and responding to me.

    You are right - getting pregnant now would be even scarier than when we were 'normal' - I didnt have too many tears when I knew it didnt take, the pain of losing gryff is the hardest I have ever experienced so next to that it felt like a cake walk. Also I think that going through it twice before meant that I had a realistic expectation of what could happen if that makes sense. I just wanted gryff there to share the loss with and it all sort of compounded I think.

    I knew today was going to be hard. Its the first milestone since we lost him that we have had to go through. Its been hard when memories come up on facebook of things we all did together that have made me suddenly try and catch my breath, but even trying to mentally prepare for today hasnt stopped random bursting into tears from happening. I guess its one small benefit from having to isolate at the moment.

    We have a special place for Gryff on our mantle with a favourite pic of him with his ashes and a candle that I have been lighting most nights and a small chat with him to tell him I love him. I just hope wherever he is he can hear me. I must sound crazy.

    You have helped Sarah, you have no idea how much. I know this can't be 'solved', but having someone to listen and not judge what might sound crazy gives me permission to have these feelings

    thank you and returning the hugs

    Tradie Lady


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  23. Aaronsis
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    8 April 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    I am here sitting with you tonight Tradie Lady. Talking to Gryff and having his beautiful picture and a candle sounds perfect. I hope there have been some times today that have made you smile when you have thought about your boy?

    Thank you for your words. It is really tough this whole grief thing.. as you very well know. I would not be anywhere else though as being here is so good for my heart. The love here, the support, the way people care for one another, but mostly... I can hopefully give someone who is feeling so down some hope... something I could not do for my brother.

    IVF I can see is a hugely emotional and exhausting experience.. I can only image the intense range of emotions that could be experienced in a very short time and that in itself is just so hard. I pray with all my heart for you to have a baby of your own. Until then I am here to sit with you and comfort you on your journey.

    My thoughts are with you tonight and sending you my love and support.

    huge hugs to you tradie lady x

    Sarah xx

  24. Tradie Lady
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    14 posts
    14 April 2020 in reply to Aaronsis
    Hi Sarah

    I hope you were able to enjoy your Easter weekend, even when the world feels so different.

    I had a not so great experience today, and the anxiety attack to boot didnt make it any easier.

    A friend has just gotten a puppy and wanted advice on what to feed it, so I sent some articles to her. Which got me researching if we were feeding our new pups the right thing. I came across tuna and how it is only meant to be a treat every so often. We fed gryff small cans of tuna to gryff quite often, and the new dogs as well. Reading that it is meant to be a every so often food made me overwhelmed with guilt that I had killed Gryff. I had not knowlingly given him foods that caused his death. The guilt was so strong that it triggered a massive panic attack and the only blessing being that I am working from home so could remove myself from the workstation.

    I know reading this might sound really silly, but I sit here and think - did I kill him?
  25. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    1964 posts
    14 April 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    Hey Tradie Lady

    I am so sorry that when you were trying to be helpful and enjoy in your friends new puppy that it has turned to you feeling so very bad about yourself and infact escalated to a point you are blaming yourself for Gryff's death. Can I firstly suggest that if you were feeding him something that was upsetting him that he would give you some indication that it was not agreeing with him, I am no vet here, but I think that as Gryff passed so suddenly that it was not food related.

    I have had this idea and I am not sure how you will feel about his but it might really help you in your journey to find peace with Gryff's passing and also to know some information so that you can relieve yourself from the guilt that you carry that you had a part to play in his passing, which you did not. How would you feel about making an appointment with the vet who cared for Gryff and having a chat, letting them give you some actually information that can put your mind at rest and also these vets are amazing people and I am sure that chatting to Gryff's will be really comforting for you??? What do you think?

    My Easter was pretty quiet, just really trying to keep busy and my new profile pic is the Easter Bunny that I painted..lol...while it is not that great painting has really kept my mind active and I am really enjoying it too. I have been doing some dancing and just trying in general to make the most of each day.

    You are not silly, you are a beautiful person who cared so deeply for her best friend and his passing has really impacted your life, there is nothing silly about that. I just hope that you can find a small piece of something inside to allow the guilt to pass as this was not your fault.

    Hope to chat some more and to see what you think about a chat with the vet.

    Huge hugs

    Sarah xxx

  26. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    1964 posts
    10 May 2020

    Hi Tradie Lady

    I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today, on Mother's day as you miss your beautiful Gryff, as well as the reminder of your journey through IVF. I wanted to extend to you my heartfelt thoughts and I hope that you are well and that you are ok.

    Thinking of you today xx

    Hugs

    Sarah

  27. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    13229 posts
    10 May 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    Hello Tradie Lady, excuse me for commenting on your thread so late, but wow the feeling of losing a pet and yes, for me it was a dog I'd had for a long time, can never possibly be easy and I'm very sorry for you.

    They instantly become part of the family, who is going to feed them or take them for a walk and hope we don't have to take them to the vet.

    How priceless they are, they always know when you're upset or not feeling well, but the best part is, they are always there for us.

    Priceless.

    Geoff.

  28. Tradie Lady
    Tradie Lady avatar
    14 posts
    2 July 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah
    Its been a while since I have posted. I hope that you have been keeping safe and well during these times. I appreciate you continuing to post and check in on me, thank you for your ongoing kindness.

    I read your last post and had a long hard think about reapproaching the vet. But when we were going through everything with Gryff, we asked all of the questions that we could in regards to what could have caused it. Even they didnt know and we had specialists working 24hrs on him. They couldn't understand it either. It just breaks my heart still as all I wanted to do was protect him.

    I have found that when I walk our new dogs I find myself sometimes comparing - which I know is wrong, and also tends to make me cry when I walk. I have been crying most mornings thiking about him.

    I have also been struggling with the IVF - a combo of grief and relief. COVID forced me to step back from IVF and let me body recoup and my mind process 3 losses over a 6 month period of unsuccessful transfers. I had amoment to breathe. Recently I have started again to think I could do this and last night a friend told me they were pregnant. Great news for her, a trigger to spiral for me. I really struggled last night to find meaning in my own life after everything that last year dealt me.

  29. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    1964 posts
    2 July 2020 in reply to Tradie Lady

    Hi Tradie Lady

    Thank you for coming back to chat and I am just sorry it is not an easy time for you with the news of your friends pregnancy. I whole heartily understand that you feel happy for you friend but inside you are simply crying. It is so hard to hear news like this when you want it so badly for yourself. It is ok to feel these emotions, it is ok to feel sad. When you are still mourning the loss of Gryff and also the attempts at pregnancy too it must be so very hard to put on a happy face for your friend. As you say, you are happy for them but it burns so badly inside. I am so sorry Tradie Lady, sorry that there is not an easy way to manage grief... I too would pay a million dollars for a remedy to make it all go away.

    I think that it is natural to compare and I don’t think it is something you should beat yourself up about. Gryff was a one of a kind and it will be in the way that you new dogs behave and act that you really get to see how exceptional he was. It Is not wrong, it is just that, a moment in which you are remembering all the things Gryff did, it does not mean you love your new dogs less .. just differently.

    I am glad you took some time to have a conversation with the vet. While he didn’t have the answers that you hoped for or needed, at least you can know you did everything you could, as did they, and that sometimes there just are no answers. It is hard and so painful but he was loved Tradie Lady, and you were the best to him you could be, that his time had come and you will love him forever.

    I am so glad you have come to chat and to get some support and that you feel comfort here.. I am so happy you do.

    Huge hugs to you

    Sarah

  30. Tradie Lady
    Tradie Lady avatar
    14 posts
    3 September 2020 in reply to Aaronsis
    Hi Sarah
    Its been a while since I have been here, and today I felt the need to reach out. I have read over some of your kind responses to me and it has given me a little boost. I have found over the last few weeks that I have been feeling darker that most days. I don't know if its the ongoing COVID and the financial impact that has finally hit home with me, or the fact that I am staring down the barrel of going hrough IVF from scratch after losing my last embryo, or ongoing grief of Gryff -possibly its the combo of it all. I'm finding I just want to sleep and when I do go out its usually to walk the dog, and I just burst into tears. I don't know how to get out of my funk, but I am finding that being home more I am missing gryff more and more, even though I have 2 beautiful dogs here that know no different.

    I have tried talking to friends but feel like a broken record and a burden that I am going over the same things with them - feel like in the worst case of sliding doors right now without a light.

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