I have just read your post and it could have been mine! albeit a few changes. I too lost my mother on the 15th of July, she was only 75 and litterally got up out of bed and then walked around to leave the room, had a massive heart attack and was not able to be resuscitated. So to say I know how you feel, I really do. The shock is horrific and the knowing they are gone, sometimes in the day I still don't quite believe it. My parents are divorced so my brother was with her but apart from some mental health issues she had nothing wrong with her heart.
The funeral part is just devastating as you feel like you cannot give them the send off that they deserve and that you are belittling their existence by doing nothing....guilt is so rife! We chose to cremate and we had a little morning tea at home with just me, my brother and my dad, his support to us has been wonderful. We have decided that once restrictions lift we will go to where she spent many happy and memorable days as a child with her sister and some of her friends and her grandchildren and celebrate her life, I think she would like that.
I feel your pain, it is just heartbreaking and so very devastating. There are some really great grief counsellors around and when I went through some horrific grief last year I took some of this counselling and it changed everything for me..and being here talking. You might even do a group session as a family if that is possible with all this stuff...it might even be a zoom situation that could help too.
I too feel ripped off, I feel like my grandkids have been ripped off and as you say, so out of the blue with no warning, you just cannot make peace with it, it is unfair and on top of all these restrictions it makes a devastating situation horrific.
We are here for you, Sophie_M has given you some support lines too, talking really does help and I know it is no consolation and not much, but I am here with you, sitting right beside you, feeling almost the same! You are not alone and we care, I care and you are so wise to reach out for support.
At the end of the day I am drawing peace from the fact my mother would not have known a thing, she did not suffer and was not in pain, I would rather take the pain now than have it all go wrong and her life with a compromised life. They are resting peacefully now anmay, knowing we loved them dearly.
All my support to you