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Topic: Losing a father

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. RebeccaLeaa
    RebeccaLeaa avatar
    1 posts
    24 November 2019
    Hi all,

    I've had depression since I was 16 (25 now), my dad was my rock, the person I turned to after a horrible day and was my biggest cheerleader always. Sadly 4 months ago he had a trail bike accident and passed away. I remeber the day like it was yesturday, getting the call saying he had an accident thinking yep that my dare evil dad just being himself, waiting for the call to hear where the helicopter was taking him, laughing with my sister about how dad won't even wait to the cast is off before getting back on a bike. Almost an hour went by of me freaking out waiting to hear, then my partners phone rang it was one of the guys at the track with dad, he face said it all, I know my dad didn't make it. My dad had a brain aneurysm pop and died within mins.
    It was the biggest shock of my life, I regret not going to the track and seeing what was taking soo long, for so long I thought dad would come around the corner and say hehe just kidding like one of this horrible jokes that have gone to far. 2 weeks after my dad passed away my boyfriend asked me to marry him, he told how the last time he talked to dad he asked for my hand in marriage.
    I'm really struggling trying to understand why??
    Why did he have to go soo young?(aged 50)
    He will never meet my kids or be at my wedding. I love my H2B but every time i get upset he tells me that he understand that he knows how it feels. Some time I want to yell at him and ask him how he knows what it feels like when you still have your dad.
    My depression is worse then ever and it's really effect my relationship.
  2. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10243 posts
    24 November 2019 in reply to RebeccaLeaa

    Hello RebeccaLeaa

    I wish I could welcome you to the forums under better circumstances....Thankyou for having the courage to post...it can be difficult to do

    My sincere condolences for the loss of your 'Rock'...your wonderful Dad. This is still very recent as 4 months is no different to 4 hours ago when we are experiencing such a sudden loss...especially a parent

    You mentioned that your H2B says he 'understands and know how it feels'. I would also find this difficult to deal with in your shoes. I know your H2B means well yet he couldnt understand the pain you are going through

    I hope you can have a talk with your doc or a counsellor as this will provide you with some peace ReccaLeaa

    Even making a double appointment with your GP can be huge plus in this difficult time....I still see my GP for depression related issues

    I am so sorry for your loss

    my kindest thoughts for you

    Paul

  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    7932 posts
    24 November 2019 in reply to RebeccaLeaa

    Hi, welcome

    firstly allow me to show compassion to you and your family for your loss.

    Grief is different for everyone. Your fiancé was just trying to be supportive So snapping at him is understandable but don’t be afraid to own it and apologise.

    4 months is very short in the time for grief, years and you will cope better. Soon I suggest you get distractions to help your mind rest from that grief.

    Channeling your thoughts into writing poetry or art can help. My dad died at 64 in1992. I’m now 63. I’ve written 300 poems and 10 are dedicated to him eg

    DADS WRINKLES

    As my dad seemed to have aged

    more wrinkles to turn another page

    unless he looked into a mirror to see

    he wouldn’t notice the wrinkles that ever came from me

    And so his life cut so short

    I wished to follow as my last resort

    no wonder he used a broom to sweep

    to hide his footstep stencilled feet

    He worried so bad the salt of the land

    said he loved us, signals by hand

    unless he looked into a mirror to see

    he wouldn’t notice the wrinkles that came from me

    writing is good, you can return to it anytime. But one thing is certain, his wishes would be for you to remain safe and live a full life. Fulfill that dream. Because eventually you’ll become a leader, a parent and a mentor. Carrying on his legacy of a good parent is crucial to your direction.

    as for your fiancé I have a thread you can read that wil help, really, when an argument occurs

    google

    beyondblue topic relationship strife? The peace pipe

    keep posting as you desire

    TonyWK

  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    12882 posts
    25 November 2019 in reply to RebeccaLeaa

    Hello RebeccaLeaa, please accept my sincere condolences and I'm truly so sorry for your loss.

    Your Dad sounds as though he was a wonderful person and the grief you are suffering from must be unimaginable.

    There is no way anyone can prepare for what it would feel like to lose someone you loved so much.

    My deepest thoughts are with you.

    Geoff.

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