Hi Kt2215. Sorry to hear about the lose of your dad. Not sure whether you're female or male, so don't know if you feel right about crying. Crying seems to come easier to females. Does your partner understand your lose and grief? Grieving is a very personal thing to everyone, we all grieve differently. Some people get angry and lash out, some bottle up and go very quiet. I feel you bottle up, this is unhealthy, you need to talk about your dad and how you're feeling. It sounds as though you were very close to him. Try writing down your feelings of anger because he isn't there, guilt because of anger. Those two emotions are really strong. Anger because he's dead, guilt because you're angry and think you shouldn't be. When my mum died 20 odd years ago, one of my thoughts was, how dare she die and not tell me she was dying? No-one knows when your time is up, that's part of what makes us angry. If you could've hung on to him for a few more years, you think it would've prepared you more for his death. Take some time every day to talk to him, tell him you love him, miss him. Share your every day life with him. On the first anniversary of his death, light a candle for him, same on his birthday. Share with him about your new partner, tell him about your dog. Tell him you're angry and hurt that he's dead, don't apologize for those feelings, they're real. You miss him, tell him. Maybe look at getting some grief counselling to get some guidance on grieving. It's only been a year, there is no set time to get over grief, take the time you need to heal. Can you talk to your partner? They probably won't understand, but if you can, it would help.