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Topic: Loss of an old friend to suicide

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. RedheadBeth
    RedheadBeth avatar
    1 posts
    23 February 2022

    My close friend took his life on Monday.

    It wasn't his first attempt but I did hope he would keep reaching out when he needed it.

    We've known each other since we were 12, almost 2 decades. We had a pact together that we made when we were young that if we weren't married by the time we were 30 we would get married to each other, so neither of us had to grow old alone.

    We've always stayed in touch over the years but the passed year and a bit, since his last failed attempted at suicide, we've spoken every day. He has felt suicidal for a long time but he always spoke to me about it, we had a promise we would reach out to each other when we got to that place and until Monday we'd both kept that promise.

    I keep going through being upset and missing him and being angry - angry with him for following through this time and being angry at all of the people posting on his social media that weren't there for him (even though it's none of their faults but he put out multiple cries for help and silence).

    I don't know what I want from this forum but I just have a massive void and messaging his number will never be read by him.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Sophie_M avatar
    6840 posts
    23 February 2022 in reply to RedheadBeth
    Hey RedHeadBeth,
    Thanks for reaching out to the forums tonight,

    We’d like to start off by saying we really appreciate you sharing your experiences here with us as we know this isn’t always easy to do. We are so sorry to hear about the loss of your close friend, we can’t imagine the pain and grief you must be experiencing. We’re really glad you’ve been able to recognize how difficult it has been to cope and are seeking support for yourself. We can hear how important your friend is to you and the life you’ve shared, if you’d like to share with us a bit more about your friendship we’re here to listen.

    If you feel you would benefit from taking these experiences and thoughts through with a counselor, we would really encourage you to reach out to Griefline. Griefline supports anyone experiencing grief, facing any type of loss, access to free telephone and online support services and resources. Their national toll-free helpline operates from 6am to midnight (AEST) and they can be contacted on 1300 845 745.
     
    You might also like to access the resources available at Standby. They are an organization that offers support to those who have recently been bereaved by suicide. You can access their resources and telephone counseling here: https://standbysupport.com.au/
     
    We're really grateful that you decided to reach out here tonight. Hopefully, a few of our community members will come by to welcome you to our friendly online community. 
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Sophia16
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Sophia16 avatar
    290 posts
    27 February 2022 in reply to RedheadBeth

    Hi,

    Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for sharing your story. You are feeling a lot of grief at the moment and probably lost too. Feeling angry is okay, you have the right to.

    Losing a loved one is probably the hardest thing that anyone can go through. You being here, right now, proves how strong of an individual you are. You should be so proud of yourself.

    Just know that we are all here to support you.

    Stay safe and I am always here to chat.

  4. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    11081 posts
    27 February 2022 in reply to RedheadBeth

    Dear RedheadBeth~

    To lose a close friend to suicide is a terrible thing to have to bear, and often can lead one to feeling one might have done more, been more effective, said something different or a whole raft of other emotions. Grief, loss, anger, blaming oneself and feeling a huge void in your heart are natural.

    I'd have to say I think you have done a mighty job. for over a year the sound of your voice, your thoughts and care have made a difference, have maybe giving him another year of life.

    The fact of the matter is no person can keep another alive permanently by themselves if they wish to take their life. It needs a whole load of people, those close, a medical team and especially a spark inside from the person in question. All play their part.

    You may feel he broke his word by not reaching to you that last time. I have been there and it is not the case, in fact one can feel one is releasing someone else by departing. That is a burden not all understand.

    I'm glad you have met Sophie_M, her support suggestions are good ones.

    May I ask if you have personal support? Maybe a family member or friend you can talk about this, your anger and sorrow, your efforts and loss? They do not have to do anything at all except listen and care - being alone is extra hard.

    We are here too, talk whenever you like, it can only help

    Croix

  5. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16480 posts
    28 February 2022 in reply to RedheadBeth

    Hello RedheadBeth, I'm really sorry that you have lost a good friend but when you made your pact at a young age of 12 years a closeness developed, but over the next 20 years our personalities, behaviour and interests change considerably and what you agreed on may have faded into the background, although it's still there, our commitments have taken over and made a stronger presence.

    If he tried to reach out and didn't receive the help he needed but then those people have made comments afterwards, then that must be so disappointing, especially for you and our heart opens up to you.

    My best wishes.

    Geoff. x

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