Welcome to the Healthy Families forums!

This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own!

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community and have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

  • share on Facebook
  • share on Twitter
  • Print page

Topic: Loss of new puppy

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Nicc.01
    Nicc.01 avatar
    3 posts
    10 January 2020

    Hi guys,

    This is my first post on here so i am a little nervous and unsure. But yesterday i had a really bad accident and backed over my families new puppy. He was gone pretty much instantly. We had only had him less than 3 days and he basically stuck to my side every hour of the day. He was always following me around and would do everything i did. I had no idea he had gotten out of the house and followed me up to my car, and so when the accident happened i was just in complete shock and overwhelmed i had the worst panic attack i have ever experienced. I still feel so guilty and just in shock, i have no idea what to do or how to cope. I have suffered from anxiety for many years now, and have had a few depressive episodes but this feels like the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I know it was an accident and there was no way i could've known he was there. But i just, i don't know what to do and i don't know how to get past this pain. I know it is going to take time but i just feel so guilty and i cant stop seeing him just lying there. It hurts to know that he was only there because he wanted to be with me and next me.

    Please help me know how to process this and recover from this.

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    118 posts
    10 January 2020 in reply to Nicc.01

    Hi Nicc.01

    I am so very very sorry that this has happened and I am so pleased you have reached out for some comfort here. As you know, this was not your fault and in no way are you to blame, does that make the pain go away..no it doesn't...I have no idea how you must be feeling and how the things you are replaying over and over in your mind are effecting you, it is a real tragedy and I am so sorry.

    I think if you can try to be kind to you though, to try to allow yourself to grieve and allow yourself to cry, to perhaps get some friends or a loved one to sit with you to comfort you, take some time to grieve. You are going through a few different parts of grief here and it will take time for it to feel less painful and hurt less.

    I think how best to process it is to talk, and receive hugs and to be with someone who can support you in the best way, and can comfort you. Take some time to take care of you.

    I am so very very sorry that this has happened and I am sending you all my strength and love.

    Huge hugs

    Sarah xx

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Nicc.01
    Nicc.01 avatar
    3 posts
    10 January 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Thank you Sarah!

    It's been really tough and probably one of the most traumatic things I've been through. Thank you for the support and the message, it is very appreciated. I am just not really sure what the whole process of grief involves and i am not really sure what to let myself feel and express.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Doolhof
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Doolhof avatar
    912 posts
    10 January 2020 in reply to Nicc.01

    Hi Nicc.01,

    I'm also very sorry to read of this awful tragic accident. It must have been an horrific moment for you.

    Guilt can be confusing. There is no reason for you to feel guilty for what happened, you had no idea the puppy was outside. It is very hard to tell our minds and our hearts that something was not our fault.

    There are some wonderful sites on the internet relating to the process and meaning of grief. It may help you to read some of that so you realise what you are feeling happens to many people.

    You may also want to look up "grief and loss of a pet" there may be something specific that comes up that will help you through the process of grieving.

    In time you may want to print a photo of your puppy if you have one, you may like to put a plant in the garden as a special reminder if you have a garden, maybe write a note to the puppy ( might sound odd but words can be healing), allow the tears to flow.

    Sarah has offered you a lot of support and ideas as well.

    Allow yourself to feel and express what ever comes to you. Acknowledge the sadness and possible self loathing. Then try and tell yourself what you are feeling is part of grief.

    Thinking of you with sympathy for your loss, from Dools

    Recently my last goldfish died and I cried when I buried it. A sense of loss is something we all experience.

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    118 posts
    10 January 2020 in reply to Nicc.01

    Hey Nicc.01

    That is the thing with grief, there are no rules and no steps to follow that works for everyone. This is such a one off thing and I am not sure many people have ever experienced what you have, however, I can share with you some things I have done to help with my grief.

    So last year I lost my 19 year old brother to suicide, if you ask me today how I am, I am not the same person, nor ever will I be, however I am happy and I can live my life and with knowledge about suicide, and being here talking and sharing I have come to feel better. Will I ever stop grieving..not sure but this is what I do...

    Firstly I took some counselling and was so very fortunate to make a good connection with the first one I met, she is amazing and her strength was in suicide and grief counselling. She worked through so many things with me..so perhaps this is a thought for you??

    Next I wrote..in a book, for no one to see but me, I wrote some horrible things, I laid blame, I said awful things, but it was for me only and in those pages those words will stay. I got it all out though, and none of it even makes any sense, I have not gone back to read it either mind you but i know it is there and from time to time I add to it if I need to. There is positive stuff there too but mostly it is a dump.

    I also lent on my friends, they were amazing, some not so much as the "S" word can be confronting for some people, but I let them comfort me, let them hug me and just let them care for me, it does really help.

    I also tried to be kind to me too, allow myself to cry, to want some time alone, but also know I cant "shut out"completely and to accept people who want to support me to do that. To have a bath, to have a massage, just to do some things that make me feel good. You do not deserve to punish yourself for this either.

    Mostly to get some sleep, to try to allow myself to rest, which is hard when your head wont be quiet..but i can help you with tips on that too, and also to eat, to make sure you are getting the nourishment you need to stay healthy.

    My heart goes out to you Nicc.01, huge hugs

    Sarah xxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Nicc.01
    Nicc.01 avatar
    3 posts
    10 January 2020

    Thank you Doolhof and Sarah. I really appreciate all the advice and condolences. Thank you for taking the time to read my post and help me. I will definitely taken into account everything you have said and try a few of your ideas.

    It is kind of comforting to know i am not alone in these feelings and this situation.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    118 posts
    10 January 2020 in reply to Nicc.01

    We are here for you Nicc.01, anytime and not only to give you some comfort but to let you know you are not alone, to help you through this time.

    Be kind to you, you are a good person and you do not deserve to beat yourself up about this, accidents happen in life and this is a very horrific one, keep talking and reaching out to your support people.

    Hugs to you

    Sarah

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up