That is the thing with grief, there are no rules and no steps to follow that works for everyone. This is such a one off thing and I am not sure many people have ever experienced what you have, however, I can share with you some things I have done to help with my grief.
So last year I lost my 19 year old brother to suicide, if you ask me today how I am, I am not the same person, nor ever will I be, however I am happy and I can live my life and with knowledge about suicide, and being here talking and sharing I have come to feel better. Will I ever stop grieving..not sure but this is what I do...
Firstly I took some counselling and was so very fortunate to make a good connection with the first one I met, she is amazing and her strength was in suicide and grief counselling. She worked through so many things with me..so perhaps this is a thought for you??
Next I wrote..in a book, for no one to see but me, I wrote some horrible things, I laid blame, I said awful things, but it was for me only and in those pages those words will stay. I got it all out though, and none of it even makes any sense, I have not gone back to read it either mind you but i know it is there and from time to time I add to it if I need to. There is positive stuff there too but mostly it is a dump.
I also lent on my friends, they were amazing, some not so much as the "S" word can be confronting for some people, but I let them comfort me, let them hug me and just let them care for me, it does really help.
I also tried to be kind to me too, allow myself to cry, to want some time alone, but also know I cant "shut out"completely and to accept people who want to support me to do that. To have a bath, to have a massage, just to do some things that make me feel good. You do not deserve to punish yourself for this either.
Mostly to get some sleep, to try to allow myself to rest, which is hard when your head wont be quiet..but i can help you with tips on that too, and also to eat, to make sure you are getting the nourishment you need to stay healthy.
My heart goes out to you Nicc.01, huge hugs