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Topic: My mother and sister have both died - am I alone?

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. emmeline
    emmeline avatar
    1 posts
    12 October 2019
    My mother died when I was 11 (many, many years ago) and my sister died 4 years ago. Both had long illnesses and suffered drawn-out deaths. For me, watching both of them die was very traumatic and for years I've had to deal with anxiety, depression and PTSD. Quite often though I feel like no one understands (except my therapist), so I guess I'm just reaching out to see if I really am alone in this or if there is anyone else who knows what a double loss feels like?
    1 person found this helpful
  2. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    3392 posts
    13 October 2019 in reply to emmeline

    Hello Emmeline, can I offer you my sincerest condolences for the passing of both your mum as well as your sister.

    Sometimes a length of time to mourn can easily happen as one passing away only adds on to what you have already lost, so you must have loved them both with all your heart, and it leaves an enormous hole that we just can't fill.

    I am so terribly sorry for what you have had to go through, and yes there will be people who have also two close friends or family members who can relate back to you.

    Please take care.

    Geoff.

  3. jelly12
    jelly12 avatar
    1 posts
    13 October 2019 in reply to emmeline

    Hi Emmeline,

    I have also had many losses in my life - the deaths of both parents, my nephew and my best friend.

    I often feel alone, but I find that reaching out to people can help. I recently reached out to a colleague when I realised that I was not coping. She was supportive and it helped me to know that I am not completely alone.

    We are all members of a community, including this Beyond Blue community. You are not alone.

  4. Philomena
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Philomena avatar
    19 posts
    30 October 2019 in reply to emmeline

    Hi emmeline

    I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and sister. Believe me you are not alone in your grief. The reality is that you can’t take away the pain no matter what you need to feel and express the pain in order to start processing the loss.

    Talk to someone you trust and express your feeling. Grief has emotional feelings as fear numbness denial confusion panic attacks and physical feelings of head ache body pain sweating shaking palpitation also you may feel withdrawal not wanting to participate in activities .

    The reality is to accept the grief hold a memorial service to honour your mum and sister where family and friends meet and work through the grief by accepting these feelings as a normal reaction. Adjust to a new environment where you mum and sister don’t exist but still be connected in heart and mind by sharing stories and memories of your time spent with them also develop an enduring connection by getting new skills and new friends.

    you may also consider joining a support group where you will meet others who grieve and know you are not alone they may have activities you may like to join in.

    If you feel you still can’t cope speak to a bereavement counsellor you may find one online.

    stay strong you will be fine.

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